Adulting is difficult, you suddenly have loads of responsibilities, jobs, money and you spend a lot of it complaining about taxes and politics. The transition from teenagehood to adulthood comes with a lot of difficulties, but one I’ve witnessed is maintaining friendships. Now, as someone who is notoriously shitty at communicating and keeping friends for a long time, I think it’s safe to say that I’ve been around the block with friendships, and as a result I think I’ve found some really cool tips for keeping people in your life.
LOSE YOUR PRIDE
Yes guys, this is a top tip. I don’t know whether it’s because I hate dealing with emotions, but pride in general is something that gets in the way of keeping friends. Whether it’s having a lot of pride when it comes to being the first person to communicate, or in resolving conflict. But a high amout of pride is a recipe for disaster, so either lose your pride, or lose your friends. If someone means something to you, this shouldn’t be too difficult.
DON’T PLAY GAMES WHEN IT COMES TO KEEPING IN CONTACT
I don’t know where this trend came from, but some of you are really out here playing games when it comes to talking to your friends. Like, why are you waiting 2 hours to message back, because they took that long to reply to you. They’re your friend, not some flirtation, they might genuinely have been busy. Honestly take the time to talk to them, there’s really no excuse in 2019 since theres texting, calling, Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat – there’s no excuse for not even trying to talk to each other.
RECOGNISE NOT EVERYONES THE SAME
Yes, I know this seems like common sense but give me a moment to explain this one. Everyones different when it comes to how much they need to speak to people or how needy they might be. It’s super important to gage this and really discuss this between yourselves. For example – I’m someone who doesn’t need to talk to someone everyday to feel like I’m in contact with someone, but at the same time I know I have people in my life who need more contact, so we try to compromise. Which sometimes might not work but we all try to make the effort.
COMMUNICATION IS KEY
Once you leave school, you need to drop the whole ‘this person should know how I’m feeling’ bullshit. We’re not psychic, and to be frank, most of us don’t have the time to dissect your emotions through how you’re acting. You need to actually start communicating shit outside of school otherwise grudges and pent up anger will kill your friendship.
Personally, I’ve always been someone who struggles to social cues and people in general so I always give a disclaimer about this kind of stuff. I emphasise that if I’ve offended someone they might need to tell me because I won’t know, and in school this diclaimer got ignored a lot. I think people assumed that everyones the same and understands all the unspoken social shit, but that’s not true for most of us. So basically communicate your shit please.
IF THEY’RE IMPORTANT TO YOU LET THEM KNOW
I don’t care how emotionally stunted you are, you need to let your friends know how much they mean to you. It doesn’t matter how cringey it comes out, it’s an important thing to say. Sometimes people don’t know, and they might not know this – so let them know.
KNOW ONE IS TOO BUSY TO MEET UP
Let me first say I get that lots of people get busy, especially as adults since everyones trying to acheive their own personal, proffessional and creative goals. But, at the same time, there is always time to meet up with people, even if it’s just for a few hours. I’ve worked 15 hours days for 6 days a week and still managed to find the time, even if it took a few weeks, because that’s what you do for the people who are important to you.
One tip might be to not make every meeting such a big deal, with all my friendship groups. I’ve noticed when everyone makes a causal chilling session into a big deal, they’re less likely to meet up – I hope this makes sense.