You’d think getting paid to just show up would be the dream right, you get to sit down, browse the world wide web and get a salary for essentially breathing – but no, you’re wrong. It honestly messes with your mind and self worth, and it’s not as much fun as you’d think. This year I was in a department where I was literally paid to exist, which again sounds fun at first but then it really got to me and my team.
It’s of no fault to my manager or anyone involved as there was just no work available. You can’t do anything if the project you’re on relies on you waiting on other people to supply you work. To begin with I just used this opportunity to write blog posts, learn new skills and find a way to use this time effectively. I don’t like sitting around and being free, and honestly those 60 days really tested my patience.
It got to the point where there’s only so much time you can use and not just mess around. Our table had a fair bit of privacy and again – WE HAD NO WORK. So we did what we could, and for the first month it wasn’t too bad. I’d say I managed it fairly well, despite my complaints, but then you start to feel useless, worthless and wonder why you’re even at work. Those thoughts can be toxic and really just mentally drain you.
I was lucky that Taemin released an album in February, because my free time at work, plus being a fangirl, just meant that I was finally able to truly descend into kpop trash. I was avoiding it for years, but I saw this as a sign to just take the plunge. This plunge also meant I ended up loving Shinee and with the tragedy involving Jonghyun, it wasn’t easy seeing the funeral videos popping up on my Youtube explore feed.
Towards the end of the 60 days I think it’s safe to say I lost my will to exist. I’d come in, browse the internet and just hope and pray for work. The work never came, we only got small tasks which took minutes. The only substantial task we had, we executed too swiftly, as a team we were just losing hope and our sanity.
I know there are people who love to chill and relax, but those 60 days taught me that I am not that kind of person. The times I’ve been unemployed should have really taught me this, but the recent example has fully solidified it. Thankfully now I’m in a department where there is work, there is downtime, but as long as I know work is coming, I can live with it.