I’ve spoken about red flags before and I think it’s time to talk about it again because there’s a lot of behaviours that people have and as a collective we’re just not recognising how bad they are. Popular culture also doesn’t help at all since most of the ‘good friendships’ are toxic and unhealthy, and honestly in most cases if you have a friend like that you’ll probably end up being drained and sad.
Never asking how you are
I don’t care how long you’ve known this person, or if you consider them to be a best friend, but if they never ask you how you are, they’re not it hun. Honestly, I’m not talking about the polite question that people ask to fill the void of silence, but actually asking how you are in a genuine way. I’ve noticed a lot of people don’t tend to do this, and in all honesty I tend to not make friends like this as an adult because it can be draining. Especially as people like this tend to be the ones who tell you everything and use you as their ranting station without ever doing the same for you.
Only speaking to you when they need you
We’ve all been there, there’s been that person who you won’t really speak to unless they need you in some way. Whether it’s for money or emotional support, they’ll never check in on you, or even offer to help you, but the second they’re in a bind they remember you exist – throw this person in the bin. Juts do it, you’ll thank me later.
This one’s a little more subtle, but have you ever had a friendship where you didn’t feel like you could get a word in. Like you try to tell a story and never finish it, or you try to add on to an experience and get thrown out of it. Well if you’re in that, either confront them or run away because that will eat you alive. I remember being in a friendship like that for so long, that when I was able to finish telling a story to someone else I was shocked – yes that actually happened. Monopolising conversations 100% is a red flag, it can be confronted, but in most cases it might be best to just walk away.
Trying to isolate you from other friend(ships)
Isolation is a major red flag, it never starts of as obvious, it’ll show itself through that friend hating your other friends. Trying to monopolise your time, and eventually turning you against them. Run far, and run fast if you start to see these signs, because there’s no easy way to fix it.
No emotional reciprocation
You ever give give give, and have someone take take take, but there’s no reciprocation to it – that’s what this point is about. Friendships are one of the most platonic relationships in your life, and that means you end up giving a lot for them, whether it’s emotional support, physical support or generally just spending time with them, it’s a lot. So it’s important that you’re getting back what you’re giving out, but not everyone feels this way. Some will use you as an emotional dump and when you need them, they’re no where to be found, or will find a way to make the situation all about them. Either way, this is a major red flag.