Anyone relate to being told that they should grow up to become a doctor or a lawyer and get married and have children and then reaching the age where you’re making these decisions and not wanting to do any of them. I’m aware I’m quite lucky that my parents (whether they want to or not) sort of give me the freedom to make my own choices, they’re not pressuring me to get married or anything, but I know deep down they wished I did when I was a little bit younger.
I’ve also watched a lot of my dear friends face aggressive pressure from their parents to get married, almost as if picking their life partner was a life goal that needs to be acheived, and when they expressed not wanting to do this, they’d be faced with a lot of emotional blackmail and guilt tripping which is honestly very fucked up when you actually look at it. Your life should be about you and not anyone else – but sadly not everyone has the privelege to live like that.
Not everyone can run away, move out or do anything for themselves without massive ramifications, so I’m going to try to tread lightly with this post as I know that despite the fact that my family do need me, they don’t pressure me about my life acheivements and despite me saying I’m going to tread lightly, I still have one major point to stress and it’s in the title.
Fuck their expectations of you.
I know it isn’t always easy and sometimes it’s going to cause a battle, arguments and a lot of emotional blackmail, but sometimes if you really want to do what you want to do, you’re going to have to fight the good fight, and if it’s difficult – plan the good fight.
Not all of us can walk up to those pressuring us and say our feelings so sometimes you have to finesse it, manipulate them, get them when they’re in a good mood, and really cultivate a good plan because some people live in situations that can get violent, aggressive and some could even get kicked out and I never want to give advice that would fuck you over in the long run.
So make a plan thats catered to your situation, find out how far you’re willing to go and don’t listen to anyone who won’t take your situation into account. If they’re living a life where they can do what they want and think everyone can do the same, then they’re not going to give you any advice that’s worth taking.
A simple ‘fuck it’ mentality helps though, it’s something I started doing over a decade ago and honestly it helps. Sometimes I just think ‘what’s the worst thing that could happen’, assess my options and if it’s something I can live with, will then think ‘fuck it’ and do the thing anyways.
I know that doesn’t really go with the stereotype of that mentality as it usually doesn’t require a lot of thought, but remember that point I made about some of us not having the privelege to do whatever we want – well that’s why I make my assessments. I’ll admit, there have been a lot of times I’ve forgotten to do it, and sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t, but it is what it is and I can’t spend forever crying about it – lifes too short for that shit.
Once you sort of get to the place of no longer caring about everyones expectations of you though, it’s like a weight has been lifted, apologies for the cliche but it honestly is. You’re suddenly able to see things through a different lens and live a life that you want to live or at least try to. Once you finally let it all go, you’re able to focus more on yourself and not everyone else.
So fuck everyones expectations of you.
If you want to pursue a career in law, art, writing, whatever go fucking do it.
If you want to be a house wife/husband – go for it.
If you want to get married and have loads of children have fun, just make sure you have the money and mental health for it.
If you don’t want to get married – go for it, and ignore everyones judgements!
Live a life focused on what YOU want to do, and have fun doing it, life’s too short for caring about everyones expectations, it takes a while to fully get rid of it, but it’s something thats definitely worth doing!