Reflecting On How I was This Time Last Year(350/365)

A sea of reflection posts is inevitable at this point, there’s 15 days left of this challenge and not only are we reminiscing because it’s the end of a long year, but it’s also the end of a decade. So the comparisons people are making are hefty and very monumental. So apologies if you hate viewing other peoples self reflection but it has to be done and I hope you understand my need to indulge in a little bit of narcism as we reach the end of 2019.

December 2018 was a weird month for me, from what I remember it was challenging on so many levels and honestly I never want to relive a similar month ever again. It was filled with contract cuts, anxiety over employment, my first funeral and a lot of other personal issues that I don’t want to go into. I tend to block out things that are bad as a weird self defence mechanism, but my emotion of that month was pure anger.

I was pretty pissed off for most of the month and honestly I don’t even regret the outbursts I had towards some people. I remember being particularly cruel to one individual and I don’t even regret it – I feel like my worst personality trait is my lack of remorse for most of my actions. If I stand by it, I won’t apologise or feel guilt, so if you’ve ever received an apology from me, it actually came from the heart.

I also refuse to lie most of the time, whether that’s a good or bad thing is really up to interpretation.

So essentially what I’m saying is this time last year was.. awful. It’s a big reason I started this blog, I knew I needed an outlet and a challenge. Which is why my masochistic brain decided that something difficult would the right way to go… I don’t know why I do this to myself.

So where am I now a year has gone past? Well one major positive is that I’m a little less angry in general, not as many life events are happening at once – karma might be giving me each challenge one by one which I will accept for now. Although I can’t really say everything is suddenly amazing and better because the General Election happened and I’m honestly still sad about it.

However professionally things are going a lot better for now and honestly I feel like the best decision I made this year was leaving a toxic working environment. When your work starts to effect your mental health by being surrounded by toxic racist narcissists – you need to leave. Even if you like some of the people you’re working with – just run away and don’t look back.

So compared to last December, things are a lot better and I’ll take that as a win.

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