Burnout hit me like a brick at the end of last year and on some level I knew this would happen. I knew writing a blog post every single day of last year would lead me to not writing for a long time, because even though the challenge was a way of bringing me back into a hobby I enjoy, doing it every day is a special level of tiring. I have a new respect for anyone who has posted anything daily for a long period of time because it exhausts a lot of energy.
I originally enjoyed writing as a young child because it was an outlet, and one really bad thing about publicly doing a daily challenge is you lose your safe space. What I write isn’t anonymous and many people who know me in real life have access to this blog, although I doubt anyone really checks it, but I couldn’t write about the real me without being hyper aware of that face. As someone who likes to keep their life very personal this presents a massive problem.
- I can’t really write about what I want to write about because some of the content would not only be extremely personal but it would also highlight parts of myself that I don’t feel comfortable sharing with anyone.
- Writing 365 posts means that a lot of my go-to sub topics have already been explored and what’s left was ignored for a reason.
- I don’t really have any set goals for this blog, so I don’t have a lot to strive for anymore and I don’t necessarily consider that a bad thing.
So what to do in this dilemma? Well the only answer that really makes sense is to just write when I want to now. I don’t really want to monetise of off this blog as it’s still one of my spaces online to write, and writing is my hobby. As much as it would be amazing to make money from something I love to do, that’s just not a path I’m moving towards right now, and I’ve tried writing for magazines before and it didn’t end well. That was just a lot of unpaid work and disgusting bosses.
So my solution is to keep it chill, to write when I want to write and to not get too personal here. There’s a potential for another secret blog but at the same time announcing that here would defeat the purpose of it being a secret. I wish I had the mental health and energy to write about important topics that effect me like sexism and racism but right now I don’t have the capacity in my soul to even write about it anymore – I also spent a whole week writing about it in response to some people so I don’t even know if I have anything unique to add to what has already been written.
So this post isn’t really much, it’s not as long as you’d expect from a girl who isn’t writing daily anymore, but hey it’s something.