Self Isolation Thoughts

So this year has already been a pretty wild one, and that’s me putting everything pretty lightly. I’m not a medical expert and as of a few days ago I’ve stopped being as up to date on the whole COVID-19 issue, as the moment it hit the UK it impacted my mental health in way I don’t really feel comfortable talking about online for the foreseeable future. Let’s just say I’m considered at risk, and so are two of my other family members, so seeing everyone go on their YOLO holidays was not only infuriating but highly insensitive.

It also just didn’t help that social media was preparing us for the apocalypse… like your intentions are good, but your actions are what caused everyone panic buying everything. Toilet roll, rice, pasta, every tinned good, every feminine hygiene product.. so I just can’t mentally condone it – people are highly reacting, it’s in our nature, so why are people surprised they stocked up when they sent out information telling them the world was going to end.

The memes about it all have been beautiful though.

So, I did say I’d keep writing on this blog, but only when I had something to say, and right now I’m not even sure what to say about it all. I had an idea about documenting each day of my self isolation but honestly as an introvert it hasn’t bothered me as much as it’s hurting everyone else. I learnt a few years ago how to enjoy my own company and being able to work from home has been nice. Although I am having to keep an eye on my younger sister’s which isn’t fun at all, as both my younger sisters are in primary school and although we were blessed with one nerd who takes education seriously, the other doesn’t and she’s trying everything to cheat the system.

So we keep clashing, which isn’t fun as on top of this I’m also meant to maintain my work balance on top of my other tasks I do for self development… it’s not been easy, but I can’t complain or whine too much as there are others out there who have it even harder.

Although I’m not going to lie and say I’m not jealous of everyone out there who have parents who support their younger siblings more in terms of education and general help. I’m sick of the expectation of other siblings having to pick up parent duties, I’m sick of having to answer all the calls from the school and doing the housework and making sure they’re all doing what they’re supposed to – we’re a big family and honestly I didn’t sign up for this shit.

But hey, Somali culture requires all the older girls to pick up the slack and honestly I’m annoyed.

To help my brain not venture into the dark place I’ve switched my main social media accounts into becoming Taemin stan accounts because honestly it makes me happy. He’s pretty and there’s a lot of wholesome content there – it’s not my weirdest coping mechanism but it is one of them. I honestly regret nothing when it comes to that as well, I probably should have created a private anonymous one but since when did I care about exposing my interests.

I’m on day 6 and honestly the challenges haven’t been about not being able to see people or socialise, which isn’t a nice thing to say especially when I have friends who could potentially take that the wrong way. My challenges have just been my own brain, but that’s always a challenge that I don’t really talk about because the idea of openly talking about my mental health makes me want to find a very secluded corner and stay there for the rest of eternity. So that’s fun, but Netflix helps!

I’m not really what I as a human can actually add, I know some people who read these blogs aren’t from the UK, but I’m sure you know we aren’t handling this situation efficiently at all.

Update: I wrote this on Tuesday and I was having a weirdly very sad day, things are a little better now. UK’s finally on some form of actual lockdown which hasn’t been too tough for us.. yet. It’s now day eight as I’m writing this update and I’m in need of a really good self care weekend spa/anime session.

Stay safe and stay indoors everyone!

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