Goodbye 2019 – My Last Post In This Daily Blog Project (365/365)

Goodbye 2019, it’s really weird to say farewell to not only this year, but this whole decade and it’s honestly been a wild ride. Not only does this mark the end of my daily blogging ventures, but it’s the beginning of many other things in the works. I can’t believe we’re here, this year has both gone ridiculously fast, but also really slowly at the same time.. although that might be because I’ve written many of these posts last minute and that has made every day tangible to me (if that makes any sense).

The year started off with a shit load of anxiety, I was worried about work contracts, realising some subtly racist reasons that I was even in that position. I’ve essentially worked three different jobs.. maybe four if you count a department I supported whilst doing two of those jobs and every job was wildly different. I didn’t really have a lot of long term career thoughts for a lot of the year, especially as I was in an angency that had no path I could take without licking a racist arsehole – so I found an alternative and it’s been good so far.

I’m definitely in a better place now than I was this time last year, I was even talking to my cousin about it all and it’s mad how a year can change things – Yes I’m aware how digustingly cliche’d that whole sentence was, but it’s my last post of the year so please allow me to throw them in as it’s the only time I’m actually allowed to.

Writing this blog was a very conscious decision I made to help me get back into writing and give me an outlet whenever my mental health was waning.. which happens a lot. I realised what happens when I don’t have healthy outlets and that was 2018 in a nutshell, I partied too hard, cried too hard and was generally surrounding myself around weird crowds and even people who took pleasure in my vulnerably angry state. So this year I decided to change that and I’ll go into the next decade with that same energy. As much as I enjoy socialising, I’ll keep it with the right people, as not everyone is worth your time and you really need to go with your gut in most cases.

This year marked many beginnings in my career and personally as I had the privelege of starting a podcast with two of my best friends and it’s been regular and fun to do. It may never reach a million hits, but in all honesty it’s a lot of fun to do and we went in with very pure intentions and a willingness to learn about the technical side of things when it comes to set ups and equipment.

I also started going to the gym at some point which was honestly something I never saw myself doing and although it was fun, I had to take a pause as my brain started to do the thing where it punishes you for not going enough or eating right or seeing results. I’ll probably go back at some point, but I’m not willing to slip into unhealthy habits just to lose a few pounds.. it’s not worth it in my case.

I’ve learnt a few things this year as well, and although I’ve written them down I might as well write them again because it’s my blog and I can do whatever I want:

  1. Don’t spend time with people outside of work if they give you a bad gut feeling.
  2. Don’t always talk about racism around white people, they can’t always handle it and it’s not worth dealing with their emotions.
  3. Spend time with people you truly love.
  4. Tell those people that you actually love them.
  5. Instead of saying you’ll do something, actually do the thing!
  6. It says a lot about someone if they’re not happy about you when you’re succeeding.
  7. Not everyones crazy compliments one another.
  8. Don’t spontaneously decide to live with someone when it’s a dodgy situation and your gut feeling is bad.
  9. Also, don’t do it if everyone you know is telling you not to do it!
  10. If your friends don’t like someone (a friend/partner) it might be worth evaluating why they don’t like them.
  11. Some friendships end and that’s ok.
  12. Sometimes you have say how you’re feeling, you can’t always let it bubble up.
  13. If someone judges you about your movie/music/tv taste don’t bother with them, they’re a pretentious twat.
  14. Not all arguments are worth having, but some are!
  15. Don’t go out with your work colleagues when you’re in the dark place.
  16. When you give out your last fuck over a situation, you’re a dangerous specimen… choose your actions wisely.
  17. It never hurts to be a little petty about things, because some things are worth bringing petty energy into.

There’s probably more to write about what I’ve learnt but that would enter a realm of revealing personal things about me that I don’t feel comfortable including. 🙂

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I still can’t believe we’ve made it this far in this daily blogging journey. That doesn’t mean this blog will cease to exist, I’ll just be posting less frequently and might actually have time to edit it all.

Happy new years and let’s go into the next decade with a more focused, positive and healthy mindset!

Image result for new year anime meme 2020

Why Do We Joke About The Office Creep? (364/365)

This is actually a question as I don’t have an answer for this topic as it grosses me out to my inner core and I hate that I’ve witnessed how work culture allows pervesion and sexual harassment to become normalised and even joked about. If you’re not aware of what I’m talking about, let me explain it in more detail.

So in office culture there are many people out there, the quiet ones, the loud ones, the drunk ones and even the gossips, but the one I don’t understand is the creep. The creep is usually a guy from what I’ve noticed but he’s not always single (a fact that confuses me to no end). He’s never someone at an entry level position, and if you’re unfortunate sometimes he’s pretty high up. He’s known to spend more time perving on women than doing his job, he’ll look at your boobs before looking you directly in the eyes and he generally brings about an air of pure disgust.

He’ll go out with work colleagues and openly look at the newbies as prime prey and make his move on the prettiest ones, in some cases he’ll wait until they’ve had a lot to drink before going up to them and in most cases they’ll have no idea what kind of disgusting creep they’ve allowed to occupy their space. He’ll have previous instances with women in the office, and none of them will sound good to hear, he’ll use awful words to describe them and put them down whilst simultaneously looking for the next victim.

He’ll make comments about every girl, every single one.

There’s a reason he’s known as the office creep, it’s never a title handed out to an innocent falled solider. There’s always evidence and there’s always a line of people who want to hurt him for doing them wrong and yet no one actually does anything about him. It’s almost like they’re willing to allow someone who is known to sexually harass people because they’re too scared to hurt his feelings.

Most people who have been effected by him are usually in entry level roles and are too afraid to speak up, sadly HR isn’t always a department that actually do their job and in some cases they’ll also be friendly with the office creep.

I been around people gossiping about the creeps and what they’ve done, but not one of the people talking had any intention of doing anything about the guy(s) – they exchanged some awful stories as well.

So why do we allow this to become a part of working culture?

Why do we minimise the damaging effects of sexual harassment?

Why do those in power allow known creeps/predators rise to power and continue to work in their company?

This is honestly something that has confused me for a long fucking time and I’d like some answers.

Sometimes We Need Take A Break From Keeping Up With Politics (363/365)

As much as I’d love to be informed about domestic and world politics every single day, sometimes I need to take a break. The break is to sort of decompress from all of the horrific news and honestly it’s also to keep my mental health in check because so many horrible things are happening every single day and being reminded of them, the social and political climate and seeing who rules each nations just takes a toll on my mind. Especially as someone who is from the many minority groups effected by all of the worlds disgustingness.

UK politics in particular has been something I’m taking a little break from viewing because it’s a reminder of the country I live in. A reminder that they’re all anti-immigration, racist, sexist and horrific. That reminder is something that makes it hard for me to leave the house and even speak to white people, so taking the break allows me to function in the world. I’ve said this to many of my friends and I’ll say it again, after the GE results I’m happy I booked the day to work from home, because the idea of being around white people would have broken me that day.

World politics tends to consist of every way the world is trying to kill muslims, and it’s fucking depressing. I want to help them but I don’t know how, awareness is great but awareness won’t stop them being tortured and killed. I can’t revolt because that won’t help positive change, and if anything it would give every Boris supporter proof that muslims are violent, and we don’t need that shit right now. So reading about everything, all of the horrible things is really fucking up my view on the world, so I’ve taken a break from everything.

It’s not going to be a long break, but it’s one that is needed.

I would urge any minority groups to not feel any shame if you also need to do the same because it’s fucking depressing and it’s the world we live in.

How To Identify Emotional Manipulation (362/365)

When it comes to manipulation we tend to think about the more obvious kinds, the types that we know straight away are bad like physical or pschological. The thing is, most people practice the art of emotional manipulation every single day and many aren’t even aware of it, which is not only scary but also means that most of us are receiving some form of emotional manipulation or even abuse without even knowing it, or having the right language to describe what it is.

It took me a long time to be able to identify it and now it’s time to share some of my findings, alongside some things I read online because I don’t want to spread any misinformation about important topics.

  1. They make your pain or your experiences all about them.
  2. They open up too much very quickly, now opening up is great and a sign of a friendship being formed, but emotionally overloading you all the time is a bad sign.
  3. They’re always the victim.. always! To the point that your suffering is their suffering and will also become your fault.
  4. Tying in with point 3, they’re also always making themselves out to be martyrs..
  5. They use their sadness as a way to gain sympathy which then leads to a lot of selfish acts and dismissal over your own emotions.
  6. They’ll make you feel bad for voicing your own opinions. They’ll use everything from their mental health to their own personality ‘You know I’m an anxious person, why would you say that?’.
  7. They never take accountability over anything. You’ll never receive an apology and an acknowledgement of them doing anything wrong.
  8. They’ll one up you on everything, both positive and negative.
  9. They’ll criticise you and use your own insecurities against you.
  10. Guilt trips are their best friend and they’ll milk them for all they’re worth.
  11. They’ll also use ultimatums as a means of manipulating you.
  12. They’re super passive aggressive, to the point of using petty actions like the silent treatment and then using statements like ‘you should know why I’m angry’.

How We Police Our Culture And We Need To Stop This Shit (361/365)

If I had a pound for every time my Black or Somali card got revoked I would be a multi-millionnaire.. ok maybe that’s an overreaction but it gets revoked on the daily. I gave up trying to practice my personality in a way that was complicit with the Black and Somali people around me years ago, but I know for a fact that this issue still plagues many of us and honestly we need to stop this. As Black people we’re already policing ourselves everytime we leave the house, we can’t seem too aggressive, wear hoodys without scaring old white people. We get followed, policed and generally treated different to our white counterparts – so why do we spend all of our extra energy also policing ourselves?

We fight against negative stereotypes but then hate on those around us who don’t act Black enough and honestly I’m tired. Actually, I was tired 13 years ago, when I noticed how different I was to the other girls in my mosque and had my first instance of not being Somali enough, which then translated into not being Black enough. Well my eloquent words towards this is – fuck it. Fuck it all.

So what if we haven’t seen every stoner film? – They’re fucking boring and some of us don’t live for weed.

So what if we haven’t listened to every rapper? Some of us like other kinds of music more!

So what if we are dating boys or girls who aren’t the same culture as us? It’s none of your damn business.

Stop trying to fit me into this tiny mold of what you think a Black or Somali girl should behave like! I remember when watching anime and reading manga was seen as unconventional for me.. It’s a major part of Black mens lives but for some reason women did not receive the same kind of love for watching it.

I already know I’ll never be Black enough for anyone around me, and honestly I hope anyone reading this who has been in the same boat finally gives out their last fuck about this situation – life gets a lot easier.

Life is hard enough without us also annoying each other about shit that does not matter. The colonisers already divided and conquered our fricken countries and continents, let’s not let them divide and conquer our lives!

Bandwagon Diversity Isn't Real Diversity (360/365)

If a brand or a celebrity has suddenly decided to give a shit about minority rights in a way that is unnatural, then unfortunately they’re jumping on acceptance of everyone as if it’s a fad. For the past few years issues like racism, sexism, homophobia and transphobia have been called out openly by enough people for a new standard to be set. Now, some people who want to continue hating on us call the outcry and new expectations the actions of sensitive snowflakes, but I’ve already written about why that is wrong on so many levels so this post will be about those who are lying about their interest in minority rights to be seen in a good light.

I’m all up for people growing and changing don’t get me wrong, but I feel like some brands and influencers/celebrities are jumping on this bandwagon in the hopes that their past silence will suddenly be forgotten about. Look at JK Rowling, someone who (after her books were published and serialised) suddenly spoke about how major characters were gay, when in reality what she should have done was actually include this in the canon.. but then again she might not be the best example as she’s horrificly transphobic.

Makeup brands used to ignore the needs of women of colour with their embarassing shade ranges until Fenty beauty happened and changed the standard. Now, I’m all for makeup brands giving everyone options, but some do it in a way where you can tell they’re jumping on the hype and have no knowledege about darker and deeper skin tones – look at Morphe’s release, it had 60 shades, but over half of those were ashy, grey and even orange. What’s the point in looking like your inclusive if you’re not actually inclusive!

You also see this in celebrities who actively speak about race issues, there are so many activists in their space who do it right… and then you have the rest who will at the most retweet something and then suddenly stay quiet. The worst ones are probably the ones who are silent during election time, they’ll be the loudest one any other time of the year except when it matters… I’m looking at most UK celebrities for this. Not many had the same energy as Stormzy, they stayed silent, and now his words against our racist British culture are being warped by the media!

If a well known name or brand is seeing inclusivity as a trend they won’t do it sincerely, they won’t advocate for anyone and as soon as it’s no longer ‘in trend’ they’ll continue to ignore our needs so fuck them.

Fuck them all and their gaze of seeing our issues as a fashion accessory ready to dispose of.

Merry Christmas Everyone! (359/365)

Hello friends,

Merry Christmas, whether you celebrate it or not, it’s a time to spend with your family as most of us have the day off. My family don’t celebrate the day but we do spend a lot of time annoying one another, something came over me and I even decided to make them all pancakes as we don’t do Christmas dinner… and making a roast for a huge family seems like a lot of work.

We tend to have cooked food, Somali food and it’s usually made with a little extra love. Hope you’re all having an amazing day, I would write more words but there’s really no point as many of you will be celebrating the day!

Being Scared To Try New Things Can Be A Good Thing (358/365)

Sometimes when you want to try new things you’re hit with a familiar feeling in your gut, the feeling of dred and fear and a lot of the time we interpret that as a bad thing when really it’s not. Sometimes fear means that it’s a new challenge and that you care.

If you didn’t care about the thing then you’d probably be as calm as a cucumber and not really give a shit about it. Which isn’t good because apathy is the enemy of progress.

Today’s post won’t be very long, it’s probably not even coherent as I’m writing it in a rush on my phone.

So about fear, I think the concept of fear is really not understood by a lot of us, especially in our modern age. Fear isn’t always about life or death situations, we get scared all the time over little things, over life decisions and honestly it’s a fairly healthy thing to feel from time to time.

So when it comes to major changes and life choices it makes sense to feel fear as your life is changing, it’s no longer familiar to you so you won’t know how to navigate it immediately. People who love to give pep talks always mention your comfort zone, well this would mark the end of that hence the baseline of fear.

Of course there’s a difference between a healthy amount of fear and an irrational and debilitating level of it, as long as you know the difference you’ll be fine!

How I Grew My Curly Hair LONG (357/365)

I don’t really consider myself a hair expert in any sense, but I got asked on Instagram about how I grew my hair and I feel like it’s difficult to really write everything down in the comments section – plus I needed an idea for todays blog post as I’m currently in the later stages of a massive migraine attack… I need to remember my body has limits so it humbled me… but back to hair.

So, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I’m lazy when it comes to my hair. A lot of the time I don’t even realise it has grown a lot until I straighten it and it hits me. My hair is fairly healthy, it does what it needs to do and I’m pretty good at finessing my frizz by either incorporating it into my style or hiding it completely.

My first tip is to leave it the fuck alone sometimes. I know it’s tempting to wear braids, twists, bantu knots and manipulate the fuck out of it, but your hair is delicate so loads of tightening and styling leads to breakage.. and breakage is the enemy. A lot of people believe black hair doesn’t grow very long, but it’s a myth, the only reason some people struggle to grow their hair is because it breaks off at the ends due to loads of extra styling. So leave it alone and throw it in a bun later on in the week, your ends will thank you in the long run.

I like to oil my scalp throughout the week, I’m not sure if it even adds to growth but it helps my dusty dandruff ridden scalp. I use a mixture of 2/3 Jojoba Oil, 1/3 Jamaican Black Castor Oil and a few drops of tea tree oil. Again, I don’t know if it helps, but it’s worth noting.

I also swear by keeping your hair moisturised, don’t let it dry out during the week. Your hair needs water and help, so moisturise it and really pay attention to how it’s behaving! Use masks, deep conditioners and leave in conditioners. You won’t see results straight away but trust me you’ll thank me in the long run.

I know it’s tempting to use every product you see influencers use but stop it, just stop it. Use what works for you and maintain a good routine. Some products out there aren’t good, and even though something new is out and every curly haired woman is saying it’s their holy grail, what works for them might not work for you. I’m a big believer in staying in your own lane and tailoring your routine to your hair as everyones hair is different.

Drink water… just do it. I know whenever I’m dehydrated it shows in my hair, and skin, so just stop being thirsty and drink some water.

Back to things that can cause breakage – don’t brush your hair when it’s dry, your hair will break a lot and you’ll lose all of your progress that you’ve been working on.

Last but not least, chill a little bit. I never really made hair growth my goal and to be honest I don’t really care about it’s length a lot, I just want healthy hair and the length comes with it. Most of the year I have no idea how long my hair actually is, I just keep it nice, moisturised and free to do what it wants. So stop doing length checks, and allow it.

20 Things We're Not Bringing Into 2020 (356/365)

We’re keeping up the generic new years resolution theme to end this year of daily blogging because honestly I want to write about it, and it’s a lot easier than accessing my brain and trying to bring out the smarter side of it. It has switched off for the year and I’m not sure how to bring it back, so for now let’s discuss what kind of energy and behaviour we’re not going to bring into the new year.

  1. Justifying racism in any way shape or form.
  2. Not taking our mental health seriously.
  3. Going to bed in a face full of makeup.
  4. Not sharing our best makeup and skin care tips – I’M LOOKING AT YOU MEN WITH FLAWLESS SKIN, YOU DON’T EVEN DESERVE IT.
  5. Uneccessary pettiness, look if I don’t know why you’re being petty, it defeats the purpose of the act.
  6. Not helping each other grow as well developed humans.
  7. Black people hating on each other, this behaviour has always confused me and we need to stop doing it. We’re just making things worse for ourselves and honestly it’s embarasing.
  8. Beauty hair bloggers going natural for a few months and then going back to using relaxer for views – look, if you’re being genuine do whatever the fuck you want to your hair, but some people are honestly just doing this shit for views and it’s making it look difficult to maintain natural hair when it’s really not.
  9. Every stupid makeup trend, let’s just try to look amazing and do what we want. No more using cutlery, ashy foundation or anything that you’re doing for the clout. Makeup is supposed to be fun, have fun with it.
  10. Supporting bigots… put that shit in the bin and stop doing it.
  11. Expecting people of colour to be calm in our outrage, We’re sick of the racism and discrimination so we shouldn’t have to also be polite when people are literally dying.
  12. Looking down on people because of their music taste. Music is literally noise, put your pretentious thoughts in meat grinder please.
  13. Anyone who still argues against Trans rights… wtf is wrong with you, shut up. Don’t even bring religion into it because no religion advocates death, they advocate respecting one another and not fucking killing people. (I swear if you use the word jihad I’ll slap you, jihad isn’t about senseless murder and greater jihad ISN’T EVEN VIOLENT).
  14. Assuming you’re the smartest person in the room, sorry you’re not and you have to accept that and move on.
  15. Letting people walk all over us, it’s time to walk all over them (or something nicer).
  16. Criticisng anyone for not being married or having children… allow them and let them live!
  17. Women hating on other women for existing… put that shit away. Other women aren’t a threat to your womanhood and if you honestly hold these beliefs you need to sort out your internalised hatred towards your own gender.
  18. Negative friends/influences. Time to do a clean out!
  19. Pretending to be someone you’re not – this is easier said than done, but it’s a lot more refreshing to be yourself, even if people hate you for it.
  20. Last but not least, let’s stop ignoring those people we care about. Check in on your friends, your family, and make sure they’re doing ok. The people who seem the strongest are probably holding in a lot of things, so try to reach out and help them.