Why Do We Joke About The Office Creep? (364/365)

This is actually a question as I don’t have an answer for this topic as it grosses me out to my inner core and I hate that I’ve witnessed how work culture allows pervesion and sexual harassment to become normalised and even joked about. If you’re not aware of what I’m talking about, let me explain it in more detail.

So in office culture there are many people out there, the quiet ones, the loud ones, the drunk ones and even the gossips, but the one I don’t understand is the creep. The creep is usually a guy from what I’ve noticed but he’s not always single (a fact that confuses me to no end). He’s never someone at an entry level position, and if you’re unfortunate sometimes he’s pretty high up. He’s known to spend more time perving on women than doing his job, he’ll look at your boobs before looking you directly in the eyes and he generally brings about an air of pure disgust.

He’ll go out with work colleagues and openly look at the newbies as prime prey and make his move on the prettiest ones, in some cases he’ll wait until they’ve had a lot to drink before going up to them and in most cases they’ll have no idea what kind of disgusting creep they’ve allowed to occupy their space. He’ll have previous instances with women in the office, and none of them will sound good to hear, he’ll use awful words to describe them and put them down whilst simultaneously looking for the next victim.

He’ll make comments about every girl, every single one.

There’s a reason he’s known as the office creep, it’s never a title handed out to an innocent falled solider. There’s always evidence and there’s always a line of people who want to hurt him for doing them wrong and yet no one actually does anything about him. It’s almost like they’re willing to allow someone who is known to sexually harass people because they’re too scared to hurt his feelings.

Most people who have been effected by him are usually in entry level roles and are too afraid to speak up, sadly HR isn’t always a department that actually do their job and in some cases they’ll also be friendly with the office creep.

I been around people gossiping about the creeps and what they’ve done, but not one of the people talking had any intention of doing anything about the guy(s) – they exchanged some awful stories as well.

So why do we allow this to become a part of working culture?

Why do we minimise the damaging effects of sexual harassment?

Why do those in power allow known creeps/predators rise to power and continue to work in their company?

This is honestly something that has confused me for a long fucking time and I’d like some answers.

How We Police Our Culture And We Need To Stop This Shit (361/365)

If I had a pound for every time my Black or Somali card got revoked I would be a multi-millionnaire.. ok maybe that’s an overreaction but it gets revoked on the daily. I gave up trying to practice my personality in a way that was complicit with the Black and Somali people around me years ago, but I know for a fact that this issue still plagues many of us and honestly we need to stop this. As Black people we’re already policing ourselves everytime we leave the house, we can’t seem too aggressive, wear hoodys without scaring old white people. We get followed, policed and generally treated different to our white counterparts – so why do we spend all of our extra energy also policing ourselves?

We fight against negative stereotypes but then hate on those around us who don’t act Black enough and honestly I’m tired. Actually, I was tired 13 years ago, when I noticed how different I was to the other girls in my mosque and had my first instance of not being Somali enough, which then translated into not being Black enough. Well my eloquent words towards this is – fuck it. Fuck it all.

So what if we haven’t seen every stoner film? – They’re fucking boring and some of us don’t live for weed.

So what if we haven’t listened to every rapper? Some of us like other kinds of music more!

So what if we are dating boys or girls who aren’t the same culture as us? It’s none of your damn business.

Stop trying to fit me into this tiny mold of what you think a Black or Somali girl should behave like! I remember when watching anime and reading manga was seen as unconventional for me.. It’s a major part of Black mens lives but for some reason women did not receive the same kind of love for watching it.

I already know I’ll never be Black enough for anyone around me, and honestly I hope anyone reading this who has been in the same boat finally gives out their last fuck about this situation – life gets a lot easier.

Life is hard enough without us also annoying each other about shit that does not matter. The colonisers already divided and conquered our fricken countries and continents, let’s not let them divide and conquer our lives!

Bandwagon Diversity Isn't Real Diversity (360/365)

If a brand or a celebrity has suddenly decided to give a shit about minority rights in a way that is unnatural, then unfortunately they’re jumping on acceptance of everyone as if it’s a fad. For the past few years issues like racism, sexism, homophobia and transphobia have been called out openly by enough people for a new standard to be set. Now, some people who want to continue hating on us call the outcry and new expectations the actions of sensitive snowflakes, but I’ve already written about why that is wrong on so many levels so this post will be about those who are lying about their interest in minority rights to be seen in a good light.

I’m all up for people growing and changing don’t get me wrong, but I feel like some brands and influencers/celebrities are jumping on this bandwagon in the hopes that their past silence will suddenly be forgotten about. Look at JK Rowling, someone who (after her books were published and serialised) suddenly spoke about how major characters were gay, when in reality what she should have done was actually include this in the canon.. but then again she might not be the best example as she’s horrificly transphobic.

Makeup brands used to ignore the needs of women of colour with their embarassing shade ranges until Fenty beauty happened and changed the standard. Now, I’m all for makeup brands giving everyone options, but some do it in a way where you can tell they’re jumping on the hype and have no knowledege about darker and deeper skin tones – look at Morphe’s release, it had 60 shades, but over half of those were ashy, grey and even orange. What’s the point in looking like your inclusive if you’re not actually inclusive!

You also see this in celebrities who actively speak about race issues, there are so many activists in their space who do it right… and then you have the rest who will at the most retweet something and then suddenly stay quiet. The worst ones are probably the ones who are silent during election time, they’ll be the loudest one any other time of the year except when it matters… I’m looking at most UK celebrities for this. Not many had the same energy as Stormzy, they stayed silent, and now his words against our racist British culture are being warped by the media!

If a well known name or brand is seeing inclusivity as a trend they won’t do it sincerely, they won’t advocate for anyone and as soon as it’s no longer ‘in trend’ they’ll continue to ignore our needs so fuck them.

Fuck them all and their gaze of seeing our issues as a fashion accessory ready to dispose of.

20 Things We're Not Bringing Into 2020 (356/365)

We’re keeping up the generic new years resolution theme to end this year of daily blogging because honestly I want to write about it, and it’s a lot easier than accessing my brain and trying to bring out the smarter side of it. It has switched off for the year and I’m not sure how to bring it back, so for now let’s discuss what kind of energy and behaviour we’re not going to bring into the new year.

  1. Justifying racism in any way shape or form.
  2. Not taking our mental health seriously.
  3. Going to bed in a face full of makeup.
  4. Not sharing our best makeup and skin care tips – I’M LOOKING AT YOU MEN WITH FLAWLESS SKIN, YOU DON’T EVEN DESERVE IT.
  5. Uneccessary pettiness, look if I don’t know why you’re being petty, it defeats the purpose of the act.
  6. Not helping each other grow as well developed humans.
  7. Black people hating on each other, this behaviour has always confused me and we need to stop doing it. We’re just making things worse for ourselves and honestly it’s embarasing.
  8. Beauty hair bloggers going natural for a few months and then going back to using relaxer for views – look, if you’re being genuine do whatever the fuck you want to your hair, but some people are honestly just doing this shit for views and it’s making it look difficult to maintain natural hair when it’s really not.
  9. Every stupid makeup trend, let’s just try to look amazing and do what we want. No more using cutlery, ashy foundation or anything that you’re doing for the clout. Makeup is supposed to be fun, have fun with it.
  10. Supporting bigots… put that shit in the bin and stop doing it.
  11. Expecting people of colour to be calm in our outrage, We’re sick of the racism and discrimination so we shouldn’t have to also be polite when people are literally dying.
  12. Looking down on people because of their music taste. Music is literally noise, put your pretentious thoughts in meat grinder please.
  13. Anyone who still argues against Trans rights… wtf is wrong with you, shut up. Don’t even bring religion into it because no religion advocates death, they advocate respecting one another and not fucking killing people. (I swear if you use the word jihad I’ll slap you, jihad isn’t about senseless murder and greater jihad ISN’T EVEN VIOLENT).
  14. Assuming you’re the smartest person in the room, sorry you’re not and you have to accept that and move on.
  15. Letting people walk all over us, it’s time to walk all over them (or something nicer).
  16. Criticisng anyone for not being married or having children… allow them and let them live!
  17. Women hating on other women for existing… put that shit away. Other women aren’t a threat to your womanhood and if you honestly hold these beliefs you need to sort out your internalised hatred towards your own gender.
  18. Negative friends/influences. Time to do a clean out!
  19. Pretending to be someone you’re not – this is easier said than done, but it’s a lot more refreshing to be yourself, even if people hate you for it.
  20. Last but not least, let’s stop ignoring those people we care about. Check in on your friends, your family, and make sure they’re doing ok. The people who seem the strongest are probably holding in a lot of things, so try to reach out and help them.

Apathy About Politics Is A Privilege Many Of Us Don't Have (354/365)

So, this is the post about everyone who says they don’t pay attention to politics because they can’t be bothered, or that it doesn’t effect them – not only are these statements seeping in pure privilege but they’re also infuriating. To ignore politics because of these reasons means you honestly don’t care about other people, you don’t give a shit about how right wing governments impact minorities, the poor, the ethnic minorities, the women, the disabled, the LGBT+ community – you just don’t care.

Apathy is the absence of any emotion towards a topic, so to be apathetic about politics means that you don’t care. Which essentially means they don’t care about anyone who isn’t them.

That level of apathy is honestly scary to me, because people like this either don’t vote, don’t care or vote for right wing people because they think it’s the easiest way to vote. To vote for the many would be to pay attention to the struggles of everyone, and that would require too much emotion for people like this… It boils my blood because when people make these statements it doesn’t come from a place of wanting to learn, or even just plain ignorance, it comes from a place of rejection.

Ignorant people can be taught, people who reject our struggles are a different monster to battle. They’re like the final boss battle that has three stages and on the last stage your character falls into a pit and your only way of surviving is through running away and getting stronger – and not all of us have the energy to gather the strength to fight them again. Some of us want to rage quit, take our time or use a cheat code and you can’t always do these things in real life.

This post isn’t really going to be long because… the more I write about this, the more upset I get. I’m just not apathetic when it comes to anything political, I’m a part of way too many minority groups to even consider not paying attention to what is happening in the world. The right wing are in high positions in many governments and Muslims across Asia are being targeted and murdered… don’t even get me started on all of the news that isn’t broadcasted about any African nation.

Female Friendships Are So Important (346/365)

Sorry boys this post isn’t for you, so try not to feel too left out.

Female friendships are so bloody important in our day to day lives, both the media and many women out there really underestimate the importance of having other women in your life. It’s not even about empowerment, but about the special bond and having someone who gets you. Someone who has your back but also understands feminine struggles, let’s not even talk about periods, we all need someone who will tell us when we have lipstick on our teeth. Someone to let us know if we smell. Someone to fix our hair and keep us in check – women are honestly amazing and I really urge you to value you female friends.

I know a lot of us fell under the curse of feeling like male friendships had more value and even uttered the words ‘I just get along more with boys, they’re less drama’ – the cursed phrase.. which is a lie. Yes your male friendships are also important, but that internalised misogyny that promotes males over women by using tired outdated stereotypes are not ok and they’re also just causing you to miss out on a special bond.

Yes, some women are awful, and some men are awful. I’m not saying everyone is amazing and rainbows shoot out of their ass, I’m saying that if you find a good group of women, who aren’t assholes, you won’t regret the bond.

Sometimes I also want women around me just so I can complain about my period, and whine about the pain, the mess and just have a good moan. I do also have men that (unwillingly) deal with me talking about this topic, but they just will never get it and it’s upsetting.

So this is just a ramble to let you know, women out there, please value your friendships, especially your female friendships.

Weird Ways Being the Oldest Girl in a Somali Household Effects You (331/365)

You might not have known but I’m the eldest daughter in my family and I’m also Somali and I’ve already written a lot about how this impacted my life. The oldest girl is somehow the second mother, the reliable one, the chef, the cleaner and basically everything in between. You don’t really get the luxury of having a care free childhood because you become the carer, and it’s usually to a lot of children as we all know by know, Somali families are huge.

I could dedicate this post to more tales of how the extreme emotional and physical labour of being the oldest girl effects you, but that’s been done and honestly I don’t think I have the mental capacity to write about it again, so instead we’re going to run through all the weird ways it effects you later in life.. well not all, I can’t speak for everyone, I can only speak for myself.

  1. You become an ace when it comes to cooking, cleaning and every form of domestic multi task available.
  2. You look at people, adults, seniors and realise you’ve changed more nappies than them.. and that’s a weird realisation as a lot of them are actual parents.
  3. You either really want children, or really don’t – there’s no in between.
  4. You look back on your younger days and realise that you did a lot and it’s actually worrying that you were allowed to have an extreme level of responsibility before you even went through puberty.
  5. (University specific) You laugh at anyone who can’t cook/clean.
  6. You realise that you can compartmentalise your issues so well and get shit done when under a lot of stress, and I’m not sure whether this is a good thing or a bad thing.
  7. You have a harshness about you, this can soften over time, but there’s an edge and it comes from not having a childhood.
  8. Outside of the house you’ll either throw away all responsibility, or bring your ‘mother’ mode out in the wilderness.
  9. Your twenties are your childhood #sorrynotsorry.
  10. In my case, I shut my empathy in a cave, and it’s only brought out for people who in my eyes matter – I know it’s a result of being the eldest daughter but I’m not sure why.
  11. You become someone that people open up to – in my case when I saw this was becoming a thing I took steps to shut it down, so for anyone reading this point who knows me now, trust me it was a thing.
  12. You pay more attention to peoples personality, quirks and what aggravates them etc.
  13. You collect peoples red flags and analyse them based on the severity of them.
  14. You’ll probably have a weird sense of humour and honestly it’s great.
  15. You’ll either be super affectionate or not – again there’s no in between for this one.
  16. All of the emotional labour you performed as a child/teen will leave you a little bit emotionally stunted and you might bottle shit up, as a result when you do explode, you’ll have a massive one – please make sure whoever is around for this is your homie. A homie can make your emotional explosion into a fun and meaningful tale.

That’s all I have for now, I could probably write some more when I spend more than 5 minutes thinking about them, but alas it’s a busy day and this is a daily blog so you get what you get. 🙂

Dear White People, We Don’t Just Call Anyone A Racist (329/365)

Dear white people,

Here we go again, I’m jumping on this letter format yet again because the ‘race’ series I started will never truly end, not until racism stops being a thing and that isn’t happening in this century. Today we’re going to unpack something…. something that sadly many white people believe and a lot of people use to excuse other peoples behaviours and it’s the idea that people of colour use the term racism easily, that we’ll use it as an excuse, that we’ll call anyone a racist and that we’d label someone that term just because we don’t like them.

Firstly, that simply isn’t true, we don’t crave a dscriminatory experience and we don’t use that label easily, when we call someone a racist a lot of thought comes from it and honestly it’s because it’s true. Just because you don’t see it, doesn’t mean it isn’t a fact. Discrimination is still here and thriving and it’s fucking awful, it’s horrible to have this effect you in any way, so we wouldn’t wish this on anyone, nor would we say that someone who isn’t a racist is one. It isn’t easy for us to even use the term because there’s always a hoard of white people out there to defend the racist, to say that we’re overreacting, emotional and that the person isn’t being racist, they’re just behaving that way because it’s who they are, of the person on the receiving end somehow deserves it.

Which is fucked up, but believe it or not you probably know someone who does this, you’re probably close to them, and you may even be someone who has excused this behaviour and that needs to stop.

I’ve said this before but I’m going to have to say this again the ‘race card’ isn’t a thing. That term insinuates an advantage to accusing someone of being a racist, it makes it seem positive when in reality when people of colour call out racism it’s never accepted. It’s usually a battle and we have to have evidence out there, but the problem is white people tend not to understand that racism can be subtle, it’s not all being physically attacked there are microaggressions and so many other layers to it. We don’t have a ‘race card’ because the world never sides with the person who is effected by racism.

So when you take the fact that people of colour deal with a lot in general you have to take into account that when we call someone a racist, it’s after thinking it through and knowing what the ramifications of that is – we could lose our jobs, our friends, our status, our livelihoods and our sanity as a result of it. It’s never easy, and honestly it’s not fun either. We don’t take joy in exposing them because it means that they’be displayed behaviours that are not only discriminatory but they’ve also acted on them in a disgusting manner.

So white people, throw away this idea that we call everyone a racist for sport. Throw away the notion that we hold onto this race card that exists to ruin a poor white persons life. Just throw away all of your defensive behaviours and listen to us.

Listen to us when we say we’re uncomfortable, when we hint someone could be a racist, and when we outright call someone out on their behaviour.

That’s all I have to say on this.

Kind regards,

Someone who is tired of this shit.

Reflecting On My Petty Week (328/365)

So this week I wrote a series of posts as a petty reaction to people’s response to racism – yes the posts were a reaction to a reaction, it was like some bastardised version of inception but through sheer pettiness and honestly I’m not even mad about it. I should probably feel a little shame for reacting the way I did, it wasn’t very adult and I didn’t write those posts with the best intentions – but at the same time, I still stand by everything I wrote.

The post that circulated probably shouldn’t have been written this month, I had a plan, and the plan was to write about workplace racism next year because I’ll be able to organise it around the glassdoor review I wanted to write about the place. However that didn’t happen, I got bored one morning and decided to write a mini expose because I forgot that people who used to work with me had me on social media, I also forgot that a few of those people were friends with the racist.

I just didn’t plan it properly, but I am still laughing at the whole situation. I find it funny because I found out accidentally through hitting up someone and it just came up in conversation – she never planned to tell me so it was all pretty coincidential. The people I thought who would tell me didn’t, although I’m not really surprised because I’m half sure some of them are the reason it spread (80-90% sure). It’s all just funny, because although I write a lot about past experiences at work, I honestly don’t care for the place anymore, so the fact that people who rarely spoke to me have gathered to talk about it and read the post is just funny.

They probably still think it’s all an overeaction but I don’t expect anything more from them, they are all either racists or enablers or both, and honestly I’m glad to see the back of them.

One question that has come to my mind is that whoever encouraged him to read it really isn’t a good friend to him, I was mean, truthful but mean and honestly I knew that people from this workplace lived for drama but I forgot about the extent they’d go to find something to talk about it. Although I did get views from all of this, I felt uncomfortable about it all once I had a few days to actually think about it all.

I’d love to write more mini series, I feel like they do well but it’ll also give me inspiration for content for a good few days, and as we reach the end of this daily blogging challenge – the struggle for content is REAL!

Weird Racial Stereotypes We Have To Battle on a Day to Day Basis (326/365)

Stereotypes and race have been the theme of this week and I thought I’d expand on a few more of the things I’ve mentioned as like I’ve mentioned, I’ve been inspired by a drive to be as petty as possible. In case you didn’t know a post I wrote about workplace racism circulated around the place and the racist line manager got to read it, and from what I’ve heard his behaviour has been excused as an awkward personality trait – the world we live in protects racists instead of educating them.

Hence my petty posts, that have education as a theme. In all honesty this event helped inspire me to write again as I’ve had a pretty public problem with writers block. So let’s break down some of the awful stereotypes that we have to deal with on a day to day basis, I’ll try to keep this with what I’ve personally experienced as I can only guess about everyone else.

Aggression

The darker you are, the more aggressive you appear regardless of race. It’s a weird one and some fight this horrible stereotype by being overly nice and palatable, which in itself is really fucked up. Why should we appear to be extremely nice, when others won’t return the favour. Why should we be fighting against this stereotype when we should really be calling out anyone who believes it to be true. Aggression has nothing to do with melanin, and the sooner people realise this, the quicker we can dismantle this nonsense.

A lovely little side stereotype from this is the social justice angry POC person. It’s one that see’s anyone from any POC background who calls out issues of racism, sexism or anything as something to be avoided, someone who can’t chill out because they’re too angry about issues. They’re the type that threaten people as well but not through direct threats, through the conversations they have that threaten their status quo of dismissing racism.

The problem with this negative stereotype is that they’ve made any conversations around race a negative, because it’s a threat to white spaces (which is every space).

Our accents

Anyone with an accent that is slightly different is attacked, in my case I’ve been told I ‘sound like a white person’ which is fucked up, because the way I speak, which is considered posh to some, can’t be associated with my heritage, which is Black. Meaning your assumption is that black people have a certain way of speaking, and that is with slang and ‘not proper’ English. This then leads to a lot of connotations about the way we speak, our intelligence and whether we’re actually from the country we’re living in. It’s all a mess and it all leads to othering and a lot of negative connotations about us and our language.

Obedient

You might not know this about me but I used to wear the hijab, I know – gasp, shock, horror, now let’s move on from that revelation. So there’s this horrible stereotype that women who wear the hijab are obedient, submissive, timid, quiet and generally just lacking in any substance or personality which is 100% false and whoever made this shit up deserves to be heckled for all of eternity. Not only does this stereotype mean that people look at hijabi’s weird but it also means that before they even get to know them they have these assumptions about them that make them look down on hijabis in general.

It’s awful – just stop this behaviour.

Our intelligence

I’m not saying that people assume that I’m not intelligent because I’m black but.. oh wait that’s exactly what I’m saying. This doesn’t happen very often but when it does it grinds my gears, it’s like I have to work harder to prove that I know what I’m doing to certain people. This can be seen through dismissive behaviour and people asking for second, third or even fourth opinions despite all of those opinions saying everything I just stated.

Those are all of the weird stereotypes I can think of for now, some I’ve mentioned before, others I haven’t. Do you have some that I might have missed?