Being Scared To Try New Things Can Be A Good Thing (358/365)

Sometimes when you want to try new things you’re hit with a familiar feeling in your gut, the feeling of dred and fear and a lot of the time we interpret that as a bad thing when really it’s not. Sometimes fear means that it’s a new challenge and that you care.

If you didn’t care about the thing then you’d probably be as calm as a cucumber and not really give a shit about it. Which isn’t good because apathy is the enemy of progress.

Today’s post won’t be very long, it’s probably not even coherent as I’m writing it in a rush on my phone.

So about fear, I think the concept of fear is really not understood by a lot of us, especially in our modern age. Fear isn’t always about life or death situations, we get scared all the time over little things, over life decisions and honestly it’s a fairly healthy thing to feel from time to time.

So when it comes to major changes and life choices it makes sense to feel fear as your life is changing, it’s no longer familiar to you so you won’t know how to navigate it immediately. People who love to give pep talks always mention your comfort zone, well this would mark the end of that hence the baseline of fear.

Of course there’s a difference between a healthy amount of fear and an irrational and debilitating level of it, as long as you know the difference you’ll be fine!

What Being a Procrastinator Taught Me (309/365)

You might have guessed it from the title but I was a huge procrastinator as a young student. I did everything last minute and lived life on the edge, I would wait until the day before or the morning of an exam to actually revise, and sometimes it worked out for me, other times it didn’t. I wouldn’t recommend that everyone try this method of work because not everyone can and honestly it’s more stressful than planning ahead and being prepared.

Although I say all of that, being a procrastinator for so long taught me many things and here they are!

I’ve seen this happen with a lot of people, they’ll have a busy day and need to get a few things done and as they run short of time the panic sets in…

“One hour isn’t enough time to do everything we need to do”

They’ll think, but in reality one hour is more than enough time in a lot of cases, you just have to plan your time around it. The best way to do that is to break down the mighty task ahead, once you have broken it down into smaller tasks, look at how long each bit actually takes, and you’ll see that you have more time than you think.

I feel like it’s easy to get overwhelmed by big tasks, so always break them up into bitesize chunks – it makes life a lot easier.

I remember in my first year of university, I was really bad when it came to assignments and exams. I would start reading and writing essays the night before they were due, and revise for exams the morning of that exam. It was ridiculous, I’m surprised I didn’t fail anything, but I guess one saving grace was I knew how to cram at that point.

One exam was based on an actual book, a book that I didn’t read, nor did I have any interest in reading. Thankfully my friend hooked me up with a summary of it, and I read that the night before the exam, I knew I could because at that point I was pretty nocturnal and wouldn’t sleep either way.

Another thing procrastinating taught me was awareness of what I can and can’t do. The way my brain digests information is weird, but also made for cramming and I knew exactly how to do it. However some people need days to process information and actual plans, so for those people – DON’T PROCRASTINATE.

Just don’t do it, because it will bite you in the ass.

I guess the final and most important thing procrastinating taught me was about how I am as a person in terms of processing information and working under stressful conditions. I found that if there was no stress, I wouldn’t have the drive to actually work, so a little bit of pressure was always needed.

Friendly Self Care Check-in Reminders (278/365)

Hello everyone, by now you might have gathered that I write a lot about self care – the importance of it, how I practice it and generally just why it’s so important. Life can get busy and really hectic and becuase this week has been busy with a new job and it’s my best friends birthday, I’m just writing a post to remind everyone to check in on your mental health.

It’s super important and honestly my top adulting tip would be to never skip on your mental health and really incorporate self care into your everyday life.

Here’s a few questions I ask myself during the ‘check-in’ stage (usually focusing on the whole month or week depending on how I’m feeling):

  1. How are you feeling in general? (This is more to see if I’m actually feeling anything, if I feel numb I usually go straight into self care mode and ignore everything else)
  2. What was your greatest acheivement?
  3. Are you making time for yourself?
  4. Is anything upsetting you?
  5. Are there any personal goals you need to hit?
  6. When was the last time you pampered yourself?
  7. Are you feeling more run down then usual?

What you use to check-in can vary between person to person, but as long as you’re making sure that your mental health is being focused on, then you’re doing great! 🙂

How To Deal With Rejection When You Apply For Jobs (273/365)

Job hunting is the time where a lot of us understand the pain that comes with rejection. You get formal emails telling you that you’re not being considered, you get ignored/ghosted and it’s honestly one of the most emotionally exhausting things you can do. I remember when I first graduated from university and started applying for work – the level of rejection I received was horrific.

You’re essentially putting yourself out there and hoping that something sticks and that’s something that can make someone never want to leave their house ever again. Sure you can go through a recruiter, an agency and get your CV professionally created – but you’ll still receive rejection!

So here are some top tips to help you deal with it and push through because honestly, I understand how tough it is.

Think of it all as a numbers game

It’s easier to detach from the emotional aspect of rejection if you take it all as a numbers game. Especially if you see every rejection as a step closer to your success, because sometimes it can be brutal – but that’s the best time to detach.

It’s not the end of the world if you didn’t get the job

There are always other jobs, even though it won’t always feel like that.

Check in on your mental health when applying for loads of jobs as it can put a toll on you

When you’re being told ‘No’ constantly it can take a toll and sometimes add to a feeling of worthlessness and that’s the best time to take a self care day or a break from everything.

Try to not hold grudges against companies that haven’t given you a response/have rejected you

I know it’s hard to not feel personally attacked by a company that didn’t want you, but it’s best in the long run if you don’t hold a grudge and even better if you try to forget all about it.

Remember that you’re not the only person applying and thats ok

There are loads of other people in your exact situation trying to apply and fight for the role, which may seem daunting but personally it kind of helps because it means that you’re not existing in this sea of job hunting in a vacuum. You’re not alone!

You can sometimes ask for feedback when receiving rejection so that could help

Always ask for feedback, it will help loads in the long run 🙂

Try to stay positive!

This one might seem patronising as hell but honestly, try to stay positive about it all, you will find a job!

How It Feels Knowing You’re A ‘Diversity Hire’ (215/365)

I’m always a bit scared to tell tales when it comes to my employment purely because it can lead to very bad things, and scary words like ‘redudancy’, but it’s late and I was watching Orange is the New Black and it got me thinking about how I’ve been a diversity hire before. If you don’t know what that is, it’s basically when you’re hired because you are a minority.

You’re never really told that you’re a diversity hire when it happens, you only come to realise it when you enter your workplace and see how awfully caucasian it is. Sometimes I play this game called ‘spot the ethnic’ and honestly in some places it has been a struggle to play this game.

I’m all for companies getting pressured to hire people of colour, don’t get me wrong, but the issue with being in a company that has only hired you because you tick a certain box is the lack of respect. You already have to fight a lot harder to be taken seriously and seen as credible and honestly the fight can be exhausting. You’re surrounded by people with the same abilities as you, but are seen as better purely because they’re white, or worse, a white man. I know, it sounds exagerated but this actually happens and honestly it’s annoying.

I remember first feeling a bit weird when I came to realise why I was hired – it had nothing to do with me being a strong candidiate and everything to do with the colour of my skin. I noticed the workplace I entered was very white, and a lot of people weren’t used to being around people of colour in general, let alone hearing us engage in ‘ethnic banter’. Topics like Brexit and racism are thrown to the side and you overhear a lot of ignorant conversations.

I won’t say I wasn’t greatful for the job, I definitely was, but I wish I knew what I know about navigating a workplace like this. It was all about assimilation and that was the one thing I hadn’t learnt how to do, in all honesty I’m still learning. It involves a lot of holding my tongue, and having to politely smile at racists. The things I would tell people who are in this situation is this:

  • Remember that you are valid and you can do well in the role
  • Don’t bring up issues like race, it will bite you in the ass
  • Sometimes if you don’t understand white banter, instead of asking about the joke, just smile and nod.
  • Try to stay in your own lane, especially as women. Women of colour tend to be seen as more aggressive and sassy and it isn’t worth the label.
  • In most cases it’s safer to keep your work friends as just work friends, by maintaining a distance you can avoid any awkward conversations outside of the workplace.
  • Remember that you can still shine in this role, and that you’re probably going to have to shine 10x brighter than most people.

Best Ways To Relax After A Long Day (214/365)

Adulting can get very busy and from my experience, whether it’s working a 9-5 or working 12+ hours on your feet, you need ways to wind down after a long day. I don’t care if you don’t think you have the time to do it, if you skip on winding down properly you will go crazy.. or run on fumes most of the time.

So here’s a throwback to the list post’s I did at the beginning of this blog everyday challenge, and here’s my favourite ways to wind down after a long day of adulting.

  1. Have a hot bath
  2. Watch your favourite show/movie
  3. Listen to music that makes you happy or some that makes you feel calm
  4. Write something – poetry, stories, rants, every little helps
  5. Do some extra steps in your skin care, my personal favourites include face masks.
  6. Read
  7. Take some time to disconnect from technology and just engage in some ‘me’ time
  8. If you have time, have a nap. Sometimes they help.
  9. Speak to a friend/family member you haven’t spoken to in a while
  10. Do nothing for a while
  11. Cleaning – this one’s very isolated to people who have my personality type, but cleaning helps me a lot
  12. Sing out loud
  13. Go outside

The Myth of Perfection (212/365)

The quest for perfection, whether it’s in our looks, our abilities or even just in what we’re doing, we always seek to do it in a perfect way, but what is perfection?

A quick google search defines it as ‘having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be’. The thing is, whilst we’re all running around and trying to seek this we end up screwing ourselves over because it doesn’t actually exist. Let’s start with the fact that our interpretation of it is entirely subjective, so how on earth can you even achieve a thing that isn’t agreed upon by everyone as a whole.

It’s also just a myth in general, no one can actually become perfect, and us striving for it just leads to a life filled with a set of self destructive behaviours and a lot of self loathing and shame. The best athlete in the world doesn’t have the best performance or physique in their opinion and are always striving for more and working harder – despite being the best at their game. The best artists out there, who are internationally revered still find faults in their pieces of work, despite everyone loving them.

At the end of the day it’s good to strive to be the best version of yourself, but don’t let the idea of perfection shackle you in self hatred. Sometimes the fear of the need to be perfect can also stop you from actually going for jobs, activities and in some cases your actual dreams – you don’t have to be perfect for anything because it doesn’t exist.

If anything it’s flaws that make people amazing at what they do, and it teaches you lessons that can’t be taught if you do everything amazingly the first time.

Kevin Schoeninger said: “The myth of perfection needs to be made conscious before you can let it go and choose another outlook. Until you recognize it and can pause it as it arises, you’ll be a slave to its mythical power.”

I Had To Teach Myself To Stop Comparing Myself To Others… (201/365)

Lifes all about the journey, not the destination.. right? Well it took me a very long time to actually understand what this meant. When I was younger and in school I honestly didn’t pay much attention to what was around me, or even most of the people, but through age came awareness, and there are certain things that people achieved early on that filled me with loads of jealousy.

No, we’re not talking about marriage and children. 🙂

So, I think it was around university time that this really hit me, people got jobs, connections and generally seemed like their life was in order. Obviously I mainly knew this through conversations or intense social media stalking but I was oblivious to how people only show their best face online, I didn’t take into account that they had different sides and struggles that weren’t online.

So seeing all of this fucked me up a little bit, I won’t lie or wrap this in bubble wrap. I basically felt like a fuck up for a very long time, especially since I made no progress in achieving my dreams, my goals or anything I actually wanted to do. I was watching other people do this through a rose coloured lens, and the comparison drained me.

It took a while to snap out of this, to understand that everyone is different. We’re all meant to go through different things, struggles and accompolishments. We also need to give ourselves credit when it’s due, we need to congratulate ourselves and acknowledge our milestones, because when you end up in the hole of comparisons you really neglect your own success.

Most of my early twenties got sucked up because of this, and honestly I wish someone slapped some sense into me earlier. So this is a friendly reminder, don’t compare yourself to other people, give yourself credit and honestly be happy with yourself and your life, because we’re not living a life to be measured against societies measure of success, but in your own measure. Sometimes even little things like helping another person, or smiling, or doing an errand can be something to be proud of. Massive success is built upon small wins piling up together. 🙂

10 Life Lessons We Keep Forgetting (199/365)

We’ve reached that point in my ‘blog everyday project’ where I’m posting lists again because life gets busy and honestly list posts can sometimes have substance. When thinking of ideas about what to write I wanted to go for my more nerdy routes, but no one reading my website really cares about the nerdy stuff – you all want lifestyle/social justice posts. So here’s a list of weirdly wonderful life lessons that I’ve learnt first hand. 🙂

  1. Actions have consequences, and then those also have consequences. It’s basically a snowball of consequences.
  2. No one really has everything all figured out, we’re mostly winging it.
  3. Most of us are either pretending to be really confident, or are actually confident – you’ll never really figure it out.
  4. Fake it till you make it, then fake it even more.
  5. Surround yourself with likeminded motivated people. As much as we love our party animal friends, they’re not the type of people to plan ahead of encourage good life decisions.
  6. Work drama is not worth the hassle – abort.
  7. Always manage your finances, and prioritise paying your bills over that fancy meal/pint.
  8. People who lie to themselves will lie to you.
  9. Drink more water.
  10. You always have time to do what needs doing, you just need to re-prioritise how you’re using it.

How To Tell If You’re In a Sales Cult (176/365)

There’s been a slow wave of sales cults erupting in the western world and it’s one of those things that you wouldn’t really notice until you or a family member succumbs to them. You see the members everywhere, on the streets, near your roads, knocking your doors. They’re usually selling something – cheaper broadband, charity, apps, you name it, they’re selling it. They’re also quite charming, great at the art of the sale and part of one of the biggest scams that is somehow allowed to spread.

You’re probably wondering how the cult continues to function and spread without any legal action, well, they change the name of their companies every few years and don’t have a HR department. The lack of paper trail between employees and the ‘owner’ also makes it difficult to prove that they’re scamming people.

They also work with real clients that are respectable and actually do offer the service they’re selling – the scam isn’t at the heart of the sale, it’s at the heart of

They ask you to come in for an interview hours after applying for the job

Applying for jobs in this day and age involves a lot of effort wading through job adverts and hitting ‘click reply’, it gets to the point that you’ve applied for so many that when they eventually do respond you’ve forgotten which company and role it was for. However if they reply instantly it’s usually a weird sign, yeh we get the automatic ‘we’re looking into your CV email’, but no one offers you an interview within hours of applying – that’s just weird.

They also usually offer you the interview for the following day. It’s not the offer of an interview thats the warning sign, it’s the sense of urgency and desperation that you should look out for.

The interview is also usually split in two stages, the first one with the manager, the second is an ‘observation’ day with a team leader – if it’s for door to door they usually let you know to wear comfortable shoes, but won’t give you a reason why,

They offer you a ‘once in a life time oppurtunity’

Whether it’s during the first or second stage of the interview, at some point they’ll call the role a ‘once in a life time opportunity’. That’s the line they use to suck you in and keep you working there. That it’s not just a job, that it’s a platform to help you achieve your dreams. whether it’s making loads of money, supporting your family or running your own business – for a lot of people it’s all three, and those people are usually fucked over the most.

They give you a pitch on how to explain the job to your family and friends

Once the job is offered to you, after a whole day of being out in the rain or ditched in a coffee shop doing tasks and repeatedly told to fight for the role (spoiler alert – everyone gets the job), they then give you a lovely way of explaining the job to your friends and family. Since they see their common sense as a threat to their possible new cult member they have many ways of answering the most commonly asked questions and even have multiple scripts for it.

They isolate you from your life outside of the job

The one thing that separates a sales cult from a normal job is the need for the role to be your everything. They require complete dedication to their ideology and will spend the first few weeks moulding the newbies into giving their 150% to the role. It’s done through isolation to begin with, by ensuring that you spend all of your time in work and outside of work with them. Whether it’s through networking, living with them and even just spending a lot of time messaging one another – the role becomes your life and everything else takes a sideline.

They also spend a lot of time doing morning meetings and ‘opportunity meetings’ which essentially drive in their warped mentality that this role is the only way to achieve your dreams, and they’ll find their 18 year old manager to prove it.

Condemning 9-5’ers/Regular brainwashing sessions

Yep, you read that one right, they spend a lot of time condemning people who work 9-5’s, and people who also go to university. The idea is that their way is better, by putting in the 12+ hours a day for 6 days a week, they’re building a future with money, power and an early retirement. The thing they forget to mention is that this isn’t for everyone, and the process is rigged to begin with, but by condemning 9-5ers they make anyone who wants that future a ‘neg’, a ‘sell out’ and through the negative connotations the new people begin to parrot their ideals and become well and truly brainwashed.

There’s a lot more ways to tell if you’re in a sales cult but these ones are the major red flags. Other small ones are business trips that you have to pay to go to, a lack of a HR department, lots of chanting/screaming and a general atmosphere of ‘you’re either with us or against us’. If you ever join one and progress to a leadership role, look out for the ritual humiliation as well – that’s a big one.