What It’s Like To Be Labelled As An Angry Black Girl (325/365)

Spoiler alert = it’s not fun.

So, let’s talk about a tale, a tale of being labelled as an angry black girl, which is basically my whole life. I think it doesn’t help that I’m a naturally confrontation person who is willing to stand their ground, alongside being blunt – but these personality traits were developed before I knew that negative black stereotypes would plague my entire existence. I also don’t want to become someone who is the opposite of myself as a result of societies need for POC to be submissive, so it’s a weird catch 22 situation there.

In case you haven’t heard there is a horrible stereotype associated with black girls and it’s becoming the ‘angry’, ‘sassy’ black girl. The one who appears in movie and television as aggressive, crazy and lacks a lot of self control. The one who kisses their teeth whilst also snapping their fingers in a ‘Z’ formation, and they’re generally feared but never respected – that girl is a girl that people think is actually real, and they associated any black woman who isn’t ridiculously submissive as this girl.

The angry black girl isn’t someone people want to be around, they fear her, look down on her and don’t respect her thoughts or opinions. They also assume she lacks intelligence, but I feel like that comes from a different and more inherently disgusting place of racism. This stereotype is honestly one of those things that I didn’t realise was a major issue until I entered the work force.

Weirdly enough the stereotype helped me avoid bullying in secondary school – people assumed I was stronger than I actually am because of it, back to adult life racism.

I feel like this didn’t hit me until my adult life because for most of my childhood and teenage years I was surrounded by people of colour, specifically South Asians, so I wasn’t even aware of how we’re supposed to act around white people until it was too late. A lot of POC tend to assimilate and make them selves more palatable to white people as a basic survival tactic, which is effective, but in doing so you’re essentially allowing an environment where we put in all of the work to be accepted, but the other side does nothing to balance the playing field.

So, remember how I mentioned I’m a naturally confrontational, blunt human, well that didn’t go well. I didn’t really realise it until I saw the weird looks, the lack of eye contact and some people generally showing signs of fear or possibly intimidation towards me. Now, I wouldn’t consider myself an intimidating person, but I’ve been told I am, and I know part of it is because I will shut people down for fun, but a big part of it is also because of the stereotype linking black people to aggressive and dangerous.

Being seen as the angry black girl isn’t fun, even when you spend time away from the people who project it. It’s not fun knowing that despite your skills and intelligence you’ll have to work 10x harder to be seen as a respected individual and your hard work will be overlooked unless you have a manager who isn’t effected by racial prejudice (i.e isn’t a racist).

You also end up in weird situations where even your colleagues will make jokes about you being the ‘aggressive, crazy friend’ or the one who could stir up some drama, when in reality I don’t want to be that person. I will always happily defend a friend, or defend myself, but confrontation for the main point of just playing a role is just horrible and it kind of made me feel like a zoo animal, an other and ultimately an outsider.

You lose a sense of belonging to anyone unless your blessed with having other ethnic minorities around you – very few white people actually understand it and I’ve lost the time and effort to explain it to people, which is why it’s ironic that I’m even writing down this blog post. I guess pettiness gives me energy I didn’t realise I had.

What It Means To Be The Oldest Daughter in a Somali Household (292/365)

I’ve written about this before, but I feel like I need to expand on this topic because it’s really personal and truly aggravates me to my inner core. It’s also something I think about a lot especially as I watch my sisters receiving a similar amount of responsibilities that I had at their young ages and honestly we need to stop doing this to our women, we need to stop grooming them for maternal motherhood but a version of motherhood that paints us as the soul caretakers of everyone. We are raised to be the blankets that everyone uses for comfort, and then discards when they no longer need them.

So before I go on, here’s a cheeky disclaimer – yes I’m going to be generalising a lot here and honestly I’m going to refer to my own point of view as well, if this isn’t your POV, that’s fine, it doesn’t take away from the fact that I’m talking about how my own culture has impacted my life.

So what is the oldest daughter in a Somali household, well we become many things:

  • The second mother
  • The babysitter
  • The responsible one
  • The one who needs to give up everything to help everyone out
  • The one who exists to keep the house hold in check.

Our existence is mainly focused around looking after everyone, but who looks after us?

I remember when my first younger sibling was born, I was 6 and honestly excited to have a new sibling. Everything was fine, I was still treated like a child until he reached a few months old and I started changing his nappies and helping out with the baby sitting. I was also cleaning the kitchen at that point, and due to my young age I wasn’t really aware of how weird this was.

Parents have many children, and with each birth came more responsibility on my end. I was running the house and babysitting and for the most part this was completely normalised by everyone around me, including my extended family. If anything they praised me for it, so I ended up thinking it was a good thing and I was a great kid for doing it. The realisation of how much I took on didn’t really hit me until my adult lense looked at my youngest siblings, and being the selfish person I am, I would compare how much domestic chores I was doing at their young age.

Now I know how weird it was that at the age of 12 I was left with my younger siblings who were around 5 and 6 and I was expected to run the house. Sure I have a brother who was one year older than me, but all the responsibility around looking after them was put on me. I honestly tend to roll with whats going on around me, and because I was socialised from such a young age to take everything on, I just did. I’d ask a few questions and kick up a fuss, but ultimately I took on all the extra responsibility because I was expected to and now I see that it’s really fucked up.

It’s also why I’m basically living my missed childhood in my twenties.

We need to stop giving young girls adult responsibilities and really let them focus on their own life. Because we’re raised to take on the world, we end up letting everyone elses problems eclipse our own, we lose track of our own goals and our own future. Obviously I’m not saying that we can’t acheive anything, but we do suffer the consequences of this pure pressure, and it takes a massive toll on our mental health.

Making decisions that solely focus on your own goals and acheivments shouldn’t be seen as leaving your family to rot. You shouldn’t have to live with the pressure of keeping the whole household together, especially Somalis, OUR FAMILIES ARE TOO BIG. Everyone should be held to the same responsibility regardless of gender, but parents should also be the primary caretakers and not their children.

Because we have generations of kids raising kids, we’ve just ended up in a weird cycle and that cycle needs to break!

Why is Divorce so Common in Somali Culture? (192/365)

I’m going to write this one on the fly so it’s purely opinion driven and honestly there’s not a lot written online about this issue. So if you’ve read the title you know this is exploring divorce in the Somali community and how ridiculously common it is. When I was younger, I went to mosque every weekend (I know this is surprising), and the mosque I went to was essentially all Somali – now here’s the thing, it was weirder to find people who had parents who were still together (first marriage), than it was for them to be divorced.

The western world states that 50% of marriages end in divorce, but I feel like in the case of Somali’s it’s a lot higher and it’s really weird now looking back at the conversations I had with family about it all. We were all children of divorce, and we didn’t really see the high levels as an issue – if anything we looked down on anyone who used divorce as a reason to be upset, which again is something we shouldn’t have done. It was really insensitive and in my case my parents split up when I was too young to give a shit, so I don’t really have a place to judge how others process their parent’s departure.

So, you might be able to guess, but because of this, we have a whole generation of children (now adults) who were raised in single parent households, or growing up with step parents and as a result the way a lot of us see relationships can become a little bit warped and generally just unhealthy.. well that’s a generalisation in the extreme but let me explain. I’ve met enough Somali boys to understand how this has impacted their relationship with women, especially the ones who didn’t grow up with a father figure. There’s a lot of weird hostility and sexism and it’s seen as normal behaviour, we do have the flip side where this hasn’t happened and in all honesty they’re the good ones.

I feel like as a whole, the post war generation had a lot to deal with. They were displaced from their homes and forced to live away from their parents from a very young age, and it makes sense that a lot of them chose to marry young, and marry the first person they were interested in. But without a parental figure, or an actual home to go to, it sort of effected how they behaved in those relationships. Me and one of my friends made a joke about how common divorce was, and how our parents generations essentially just broke up after the first fight, but when you really break it down, they didn’t really have anyone to tell them not to.

When you compare Somali’s to other Eastern cultures, our main differences come with our lack of stigma to issues life divorce, we don’t have that barrier of shame, and a lot of it is because our parent’s didn’t really have any elders telling them what to do. Of course, displacement plays a massive role in all of it and I am in no way reducing the high divorce rates to just a case of a lack of elders. But they were sort of thrown into different countries and given free reign to do whatever they wanted, alongside being the ‘only Somalis’ wherever they landed, so it’s interesting to consider how this impacted that.

Religion wasn’t really a massive driving force back then, because as much as we like to pretend we were always religious as a community – we weren’t. A lot of us who were born in the West have vivid childhood memories of our parents not practicing and in some cases we weren’t even taught it until a certain point, I remember it being around the beginning of the naughties, but everyone suddenly turned to religion. I was introduced to Islam and then also sent to an Islamic school for a year and a half – we all acknowledge that was a bad decision.. I’ll write a blog post surrounding that topic at some point… just not now.

So take a displaced generation, a lack of religion, a lack of elders and the fact that a lot of them were in their teens/twenties and you have a generation of people who didn’t really have any reason to commit to their marriages when they went through issues, because let’s face it everyone goes through their hardships.

Still not sure why we all have such big families, but I might actually have to research that topic since it’s probably just a cultural thing thats continued.

So, When Are You Getting Married? (186/365)

“So, when are you getting married?”

This question has quite possibly been the bane of my existence for most of my life, I’m speaking from purely a Somali perspective here but I know many women from other cultures will relate to this. As children we’re essentially spoon fed the idea that we’ll get married and have children, and it gets to the point that it becomes a milestone, something that we need to achieve to been seen as successful.

I have vivid memories of debating with adults about this concept, because I was always on side with the school of thought that we should only get married if we want to, but they way they discussed it was as if it wasn’t a choice. I was drilled with the idea that I would go to school, university then get married, and getting a job was always in the ‘maybe’ category. I even debated with an imam at mosque once who told us that Islamic we have to get married, and I shut him down, it’s sunnah, but it’s not obligatory. I almost got kicked out for that one.

Essentially we’re told that we should get married so much that when we eventually reach the age of doing it, it feels like we’ve failed if we haven’t done it – and that sucks. This isn’t a post judging married people in anyway shape or form, be happy, have partners, but let’s not raise children to be wives for their husbands. Let’s not fill them with so much pressure that they feel like they have to marry the first person that they believe their parents would accept.

Alongside being drilled with these thoughts we are also trained to become caretakers to our ‘future husbands’. We’re piled with loads of domestic responsibilities from a very young age, we’re made to cook, clean, babysit and honestly by the age of 16 a Somali girl has basically lived a 10 lives worth of running the house. We are honestly made to do too much, and the fact that I can say I’ve changed more nappies than both my parents is saying something.

I also spent a lot of my teenage years baby sitting, changing nappies, running the house whenever my parents went out. I even looked after the kids when my mum was giving birth, despite also being considered quite young. I was so used to the responsibility that I didn’t realise that this wasn’t the norm for a lot of people.

So once I finally graduated I was suddenly asked the fateful question again by one of my aunts, and I answered ‘not any time soon’, and that shocked people. Which is weird because my family are considered pretty chill compared to other Somali families, but the lingering pressure was still there. I did however preempt this and spend most of my teenage years preparing my parents for the fact that I probably wouldn’t get married any time soon, and the decreased likelihood of having children. They dealt with it well, I know deep down my mum does wish I didn’t feel like this, but one positive thing about having divorced parents is that they can’t reinforce the need to get married as heavily as some do.

I also know I’m quite lucky, I grew up with a lot of girls who were emotionally blackmailed by their parents when it came to marriage. Some cultures only see the girls role as one of marriage, and creating families, so some girls had to argue with their parents to even get further education. Some still receive the pressure to get married, and if they say no, it’s going against their families.

Free will is one of those things that I wish was offered to everyone regardless of gender, but that just isn’t the world we live in. My culture loves to let our boys run rampant, but we control our girls, keep them cooking, cleaning and occasionally they can fly the nest, but in a lot of cases it takes a lot of planning.

So let’s stop telling young girls they need to get married, let’s focus on getting them educated. If they want to get married and have children, that can be something they want to do, and not something they feel like they have to. If they want to be a house wife, let them do that too, but remember they need to have free will and be able to make choices about their future. 🙂

What is Happening in Sudan? (162/365)

I feel like whenever there’s a conflict in the Eastern world a lot of the West just ignore it and pretend it’s not happening – until one of their citizens is involved and honestly it’s kind of scary. I will admit I’m fairly ignorant to what’s happening in Sudan but even with my rushed knowledge on the topic, I feel like awareness needs to be brought to the situation. People are dying, being raped, losing their livelihoods while we sit and make a fuss over the AJ fight.

So what is happening in Sudan right now?

Waves of demonstrations and protests took place around December 2018 as a response to a rise in bread prices, and as the country has been going through ane extreme economic crisis, this became the final straw. The protests initially started in Atbara, which is a city in Sudan known for their anti government activities.

Thousands took to the streets as the governments initial response to the shortages of bread was to triple the price. The government then tried to crush the rising protests and imposed a curfer from 6pm to 6am and claiming a state of emergency. At this point the protests had already spread and everyone was angry. To add to this there were also cash shortages as a result of a restiction of withdrawals, which left people struggling to find cash.

The protests then evolved to a point that it couldn’t be stopped:

“Trade unions and professional associations also called for nationwide strikes that saw the participation of a large number of doctors, journalists, lawyers and pharmacists from across Sudan.

“Political parties then joined in, and influential sections within the military refused to take part in the repression, forcing the government to eventually cede power.

“Protesters adopted slogans used during the Arab Spring of 2011 and gathered outside the headquarters of the military in the capital and refused to move.”

President Omar Al-Bashir responded by ensuring that the citizens would have a decent living, but also refused to back down despite being in office since 1989. By Feburary 22nd 2019 Al-Bashir announced a one year state of emergency.

In doing this, he banned all public gatherings, protests and other political activities. It also gave the police and security forces the authority to monitor individuals and act in a way they saw fit. They were allowed to detail suspects, seize private property and a lot more without any evidence. Only the believe that the suspect was planning political activities.

Sudanese police are also being criticised for the rise in the death toll, alongside a stark increase of arrests of protestors.

“In early April, the interior ministry said 39 people, including three security personnel, had died since protests began last year. A spokeswoman for SPA put the death toll at nearly 70.”

On April 11, the military removed Al-Bashir from power and replaced him with the military council led by Lieutenant General Abdel Fattah al-Burha. Who has promised to “oversee a transitional period that will last a maximum of two years.”

The problem with that though is that demonstators and protestors have accused Al-Burha of being close to Al-Bashir, and have also said that they were responsible for the problems that ignited the protests. They demanded an end to the military rulers and are calling for a civilian-led government.

Which leads us to the most recent issues that are occuring right now as military rule is leading to multiple massacres. Women are being beaten, raped, forced to drink sewage and honestly it’s baffling that the news is failing to bring this to the front of our news websites. Yes, they’re writing about it, but they’re not pushing the articles to the front page.

EDIT : I feel like it’s important to note that I wrote this only a few days before this was set to be published and a lot has happened since. The military are opening fire on innocents, raping women, and are making the death toll high – and it’s being ignored.

Doctors in Sudan told the Guardian a lot about this, they said that “the Royal Care hospital said it had treated eight victims of rape – five women and three men. At a second hospital in the south of Khartoum, a medical source said it had received two rape cases, including one who was attacked by four RSF paramilitaries. Several witnesses have also described similar cases on social media.”

It’s a national crisis with no international aid, and hopefully if everyone spreads awareness something will happen.

I know I’ve probably missed out a lot, and honestly I still have a lot to learn on the situation, but writing this has helped me learn a lot more about the situation.

Why I Wished I Had an Older Sister (144/365)

Growing up as the older sister does have its privileges, I get to tell my younger siblings off, be responsible and generally run the house (that might be Somali girl specific), but sometimes it’s just tiring and draining. One thing I am very jealous of is, of anyone who has an older sister because having an older woman in your life can help you from a lot of hurt and embarrassment down the line. Yes I have an older brother, but it’s not the same.

It starts with the main things that we associate with being a woman like puberty and periods – which unsurprisingly isn’t fun when your mother tells you next to nothing about what’s going to happen to your body. You’re just left thinking you’re going to die and being shit scared. Which in retrospect is funny but at the time it was a serious fear that I had and I would have had more knowledge about it if I had an older sister. The puberty talk I gave my youngest sisters was somewhat gruesome, but it prepared them for everything that was coming.

As the older sister I also found myself having to battle against everything, from ridiculous curfews, to the double standards when it came to who cleaned the kitchen (spoiler alert, I had to fight so my brother cleaned). I do truly believe it’s the oldest girls job to have these battles in ethnic households, but sometimes it’s tiring. Sometimes I would want to just give in, but then I’d see some of my friends deal with the side effects of not having this mini rebellion, and I never wanted my younger sisters to deal with this nonsense. Having an older sister would shift some of the responsibility and just give me time to breath and not have to worry about everything for once.

This might seem very materialistic but having someone to help me deal with hair/makeup/fashion growing up would have been bloody nice. I literally had to fend for myself and the awkward stage I had in my teen years was just plain embarrassing. I knew nothing, just like Jon Snow, and have even deleted Facebook in an attempt to not have pictures of me back then public to the internet. Because of this, I try to help out my sisters as much as I can, especially when it comes to hair because a lot of the advice influencers give us are expensive lies.

Having an older sister makes life just a little bit easier, since having to navigate the world as a girl and as a woman is just … difficult. I’m happy I can do this for my younger sisters, but the more I do it, the more I realise how much I missed out on.

“You’re Not Black, You’re Somali” (142/365)

I always love being told what my race is by other people who aren’t of the same race (hint hint, this is sarcasm).

I feel like this is an experience shared by every Somali diaspora across the globe, but I can only speak from the UK perspective – it’s ridiculous and it happens a lot. I don’t get it, it makes no sense, but people always love to tell me what my ethnicity is. It happens usually when a reference to race is made, or if I make a joke that links to being black – those five words are usually met with confusion, hostility and a need to whack someone.

“You’re not black, you’re Somali”

What is the response that we’re supposed to give, do we renounce our ethnic identity and just isolate ourselves as a whole. Yes, there are loads of Somali’s who claim other identities (look into how many claim to be Arab, it it is a confusing and wild ride). But, we’re black at the end of the day and when people try to say otherwise it’s really fucking annoying.

The people who say this are also never Somali, they’re always a different ethnicity. I’ve heard it the most from South Asians, but that might be skewed by the fact that I’ve lived in South Asian communities for most of my life.

When I was younger I was weirdly passive about being told this kind of stuff, I would stay silent or just make a very confused face. Younger Fatima was also desperate to keep her friends as well, so she also allowed a lot of other fuckery like casual racism and all of that lovely stuff. Now, I’m more likely to have a confrontation because reaching adulthood has meant that I’ve given out my last shit about keeping the peace, when that peace means erasing my identity.

At the end of the day, we’re ethnically black. Somalia and Somaliland are in the horn of Africa – so stop saying these stupid things. It’s annoying, ignorant and down right confusing.

Sometimes We Don’t Want to be ‘Strong Independent Black Women’… (127/365)

I personally feel like one of the most damaging racial stereotypes is the one of the ‘strong independent black woman’, not because we’re not strong or have our own autonomy. It’s because this trope forces us to be strong by default and not allowing a moment of weakness, it doesn’t give us the autonomy of being human. Thanks to this trope, black women are expected to exude superhuman strength 24/7 and that is just damaging to our mental and physical health.

Being a strong independent black woman who doesn’t rely on anyone also restricts our abilities to actually ask for help, and when we do people are shocked. By throwing this unnatural burden, you’re just expecting us to drown without complaints when some of us might need a lifeboat, some of us don’t know how to swim, and more importantly some of us just need help.

I remember there was a time where I would say I’m a strong independent black woman proudly, and it’s not surprise that this was a detriment to my mental health. Black women aren’t expected to seek help from doctors for their mental health, we are just expected to power through and hope for the best. Growing up as a Somali, I’ve seen the consequences of this and it isn’t good, mental health issues are a massive issue for us, but no one gets the help they need. The idea of talking to family or even a doctor about this stuff is frowned upon. We’re told to just pray and move on.

So stop expecting black women, and women of colour to be ‘strong’ and ‘independent’ as the default. We can be empowering and inspiring but also have a network of support and ask for help whenever we need it. We don’t have to navigate our life as a solo struggler who ignores their basic needs to fulfil a damaging stereotype that will eventually lead to long term mental health issues.

We Need To Start Talking About Addiction in the Somali Community (122/365)

The Somali community has a whole has loads of great things, we have a rich culture and truly lit weddings, but there’s a lot of things we’ve been keeping swept under the rug – and we need to start addressing these problems. I’m not saying to create an expose and ruin people’s lives, but some of these issues are ruining families and we’re all reaching our breaking point.

I can only speak from the UK diaspora perspective but addiction is really fucking with us and we’re not really speaking about it publicly. I know we’re scared as a whole to really speak about it because taking drugs and drinking alcohol is a serious taboo because it’s forbidden in our religion, but the rate of addiction is growing and it’s getting ridiculous. The taboo fucks with the fact that not only are people doing drugs and drinking alcohol, but if they’re addicted they struggle to get the help and support they need because they’re afraid.

The level of shame that is brought upon anyone who does anything even slightly forbidden would make anyone doing anything super forbidden just scared to come out and ask for help. The fact that we’re also not speaking about this issue just adds to the problem. The moment khaat was made illegal, everyone who was hooked on it turned to harder drugs. One of the reasons we’re silent on this is because we’re in denial about khaat being a drug, and the fact that a large amount of our community were hooked on it.

Let’s not even go into how people smuggle it into the UK….

Addiction is also just tough to deal with, because it’s the only disease that requires the person with it to ask for help, and a lot of our community aren’t aware of it. We just believe praying it away will help with the issue, when in reality the person will need to get real help as it’s a lifelong struggle.

We need to open up about this crippling issue so we can find a way to help our community. Open up ourselves to helping everyone instead of disowning and ignoring it. When we sweep our issues under the rug, the rug starts overspilling, and because of that we end up fucked. Alcohol and drugs don’t discriminate, so we need to educate ourselves on how to fight the issue.

Disclaimer: I wanted to do more research on the issue as a whole before writing this, but I feel like more can definitely be written, and when I do get more information on the issue I’ll definitely write a part 2.

Weird Racist Things That No One Talks About (93/365)

This might offend some of you, so if you’re not open to hearing about underlying racist things – this is your warning.

I’ve faced a lot of racism in my life, it’s gotten to the point that you kind of get used to it. I remember sitting in a sociology seminar and the professor/PHD student leading it asked us ‘Do you think racism is still an issue?’ and I burst out laughing. Mind you, this class did have some diversity, but people were shook by my response.

Maybe it was the laughing, maybe it was my monologue of how I’ve had every racist phrase used against me, even ones for other races (like if you’re going to be racist, at least use the right slur), and instead of portraying the strong angry black girl. I was just laughing at the idea of having this question be presented – of course racism is still a thing.

We all love to discuss the slurs though, the active, hurtful, fucked up acts, but as a whole everyone ignores the small things. Like how, when I walk into a room/meeting at work people often are surprised when I actually know what I’m talking about. Or how they tend to ask the white guy a question, before asking me, even if we’ve been in the same role for the same amount of time.

There’s also the uncomfortable stuff like touching my fucking hair (I will keep mentioning this until it stops happening). They don’t even ask, they just dig their hands into it. This has happened a lot in my office work, but the time it freaked me out was when I did door to door sales. An older woman I pitched said ‘ooh I love your hair’ and then proceeded to touch it/stroke it as she said this. Without asking permission, just pet me like I was an animal.

Assumed hostility is also hella racist, and very alive. I don’t know if it’s because of the stereotype of black people being angry, but every move I make is always assumed as more angry than it actually is. I won’t deny being someone who is quite angry, but try to judge the situation without the lens of race please.

I don’t know why this happens, but I’ve never understood people who proudly say ‘I really like black girls’ and don’t see the fetishisation of that phrase. I’ve heard it, felt it, and honestly it creeps me out. How does someone not understand that they’ve turned you into fetish, an ideal, an other. You’re happy to be attracted to whoever you want, but when you say shit like this, it’s not coming from a good place.

Can you also stop referring to our skin colour as food items? As much as you want to believe that calling someone chocolate is a compliment – in most cases it’s not. You’d never really call white skin something like cream or meringue, so why are darker skin tones seen as food? The answer is simple – it’s another way to dehumanise us. Yes, I went there. Think about it, when you refer to someone as food, you’re calling them an object, a snack, something that exists to nourish the human eating it. So when you take that to the extreme, you’re essentially saying that we exist for your consumption. I know it’s a wild tangent, but take a moment to ponder, think about how dark skin is viewed, and let your mind be blown.

The last one I want to get off my chest is something that was probably more relevant 10 years ago, but the idea of the ethnic geek girl being rare is so lowkey racist I could write an essay on it. Firstly it categorises everyone into stereotypes, like we can’t be into different things. Or have interests outside of our stereotypes. As a result of this, it leads to a lot of creepy men fetishising us. If you’re nerdy, a woman and ethnic – own it. Don’t feel like you’re the only one, there’s many of us. (We might need to create our own safe space though, because the manic pixie dream girl thing makes it hard for us.)