Sometimes We Need Take A Break From Keeping Up With Politics (363/365)

As much as I’d love to be informed about domestic and world politics every single day, sometimes I need to take a break. The break is to sort of decompress from all of the horrific news and honestly it’s also to keep my mental health in check because so many horrible things are happening every single day and being reminded of them, the social and political climate and seeing who rules each nations just takes a toll on my mind. Especially as someone who is from the many minority groups effected by all of the worlds disgustingness.

UK politics in particular has been something I’m taking a little break from viewing because it’s a reminder of the country I live in. A reminder that they’re all anti-immigration, racist, sexist and horrific. That reminder is something that makes it hard for me to leave the house and even speak to white people, so taking the break allows me to function in the world. I’ve said this to many of my friends and I’ll say it again, after the GE results I’m happy I booked the day to work from home, because the idea of being around white people would have broken me that day.

World politics tends to consist of every way the world is trying to kill muslims, and it’s fucking depressing. I want to help them but I don’t know how, awareness is great but awareness won’t stop them being tortured and killed. I can’t revolt because that won’t help positive change, and if anything it would give every Boris supporter proof that muslims are violent, and we don’t need that shit right now. So reading about everything, all of the horrible things is really fucking up my view on the world, so I’ve taken a break from everything.

It’s not going to be a long break, but it’s one that is needed.

I would urge any minority groups to not feel any shame if you also need to do the same because it’s fucking depressing and it’s the world we live in.

Being Scared To Try New Things Can Be A Good Thing (358/365)

Sometimes when you want to try new things you’re hit with a familiar feeling in your gut, the feeling of dred and fear and a lot of the time we interpret that as a bad thing when really it’s not. Sometimes fear means that it’s a new challenge and that you care.

If you didn’t care about the thing then you’d probably be as calm as a cucumber and not really give a shit about it. Which isn’t good because apathy is the enemy of progress.

Today’s post won’t be very long, it’s probably not even coherent as I’m writing it in a rush on my phone.

So about fear, I think the concept of fear is really not understood by a lot of us, especially in our modern age. Fear isn’t always about life or death situations, we get scared all the time over little things, over life decisions and honestly it’s a fairly healthy thing to feel from time to time.

So when it comes to major changes and life choices it makes sense to feel fear as your life is changing, it’s no longer familiar to you so you won’t know how to navigate it immediately. People who love to give pep talks always mention your comfort zone, well this would mark the end of that hence the baseline of fear.

Of course there’s a difference between a healthy amount of fear and an irrational and debilitating level of it, as long as you know the difference you’ll be fine!

Sometimes Self Care Days Are Just Lazy Days (348/365)

As you might be able to tell the General Election results kind of hit me hard, it’s not like I expected Labour to win, I just didn’t expect the Conservatives to win by so much… I speak about racism a lot on this blog so I’m no stranger to the fact that it’s alive and well… I just forgot that 90% of the UK really hate us. Sometimes we forget, we go days without any incidents, surround ourselves with likeminded people and some of us are also lucky enough to find white people who understand our thoughts and opinions. So it’s easy to forget that everyone else isn’t like that.

This post isn’t about that though, it’s about the much needed self care days I’m taking as a result of it. Self care, as I’ve said can be practice in many different ways, sometimes it’s consists of a massive clear out and cleaning sessions, other times they’re spa days. Sometimes I even take time to assess my emotions and mental health, but right now I’m being lazy. I’m watching videos on Youtube that make me happy and honestly spending time to binge on anime because I need the escapism.

I’ve ranted a lot on social media as well about my thoughts despite wanting to hide in a cave for the next five years, I’ve come to terms that I’m probably going to have to get actively political, so before doing that I’m going to be lazy… as lazy as I can be. Maybe take a walk and really take the time to exist in a vacuum.

I feel like escapism is always seen as a negative, a way of running away from your troubles, but sometimes you need it. We can’t spend every waking moment thinking about our sadness, and running away from it for a little bit is theraputic in a way. It’s not like I’m ignoring everything, I’m just processing it slowly because any other method right now would be unhealthy.

So this is my post, just letting you know that lazy days are also a valid method of self care. Am I a professional? – no, but if it helps, it helps and you don’t always have to be the most productive human in the world for your feelings and ways of processing emotions to have value. At the end of the day everyone is different, and some of us do just need to metaphorically lie on the floor for a few days before being ready to face the world.

I’m glad I have the ability to work from home, and I booked the day after the election in advance, it’s almost like my soul was aware I’d need to be at home for it, so that helped a lot. Now to a weekend of being as lazy as I can be before I start cleaning everything in my sight – another method I use for self care because it helps.

Stop Normalising The Idea That You Need To Be Overworked (345/365)

I honestly don’t know which capitalist normalised the idea of being overworked, stressed and depressed due to work, but we need to get rid of it and we need to do it ASAP. I’m only 26 and the amount of conversations I’ve had with friends and colleagues about how much unpaid overtime they do and how their stress is effecting their mental health and for what.. a job? I know we need a job to live and sustain ourselves but you shouldn’t be working yourself to death, and the fact that this is seen as normal really worries me.

Partly because it’s making employers expect us to do the most as a bare necessity, meaning that it’s more difficult to stand out as the expectation is being overworked. The other part that worries me is because it’s causing generations of overworked people who have poor mental health, working a job that they hate to make money to live. You spend more hours at work than you do awake at home, so if those hours are drenched in misery than sadness basically becomes the norm.

What kind of fucking world is that?

No wonder people yearn to be young again and look at their anxious youth with rose tinted glasses.

Let’s stop normalising this, not only is it really fucking with your physical and mental health, but it’s also making your life more miserable than it needs to be.

You rarely should be taking work home with you (emotionally), I know some jobs require this, but if you’re not working a job that does, then leave your thoughts and emotions at work.

You shouldn’t feel anxious or depressed when working.

You shouldn’t feel worked to the bone.

Your work shouldn’t be causing or increasing any health issues.

Life can be difficult, but it doesn’t need to be harder than it already is!

You Need To Set Boundaries (343/365)

We learn a lot of things growing up, how to walk, talk, do exams, make friends and so much more but the one thing that is never really emphasised is how to set boundaries. Boundaries are super important as there are so many instances that can make you feel uncomfortable and instead of just dealing with it, it’s vital that you learn the art of telling people not to do the thing.

It could be something as simple as hugging, not everyone enjoys being hugged, and sometimes you just need some personal space. Now, I can tell you first hand not everyone will respect this, and I’ve been guilty of this as a teenager (I regret it so much), but it’s important that you let someone know, use your words and really stand your ground.

I know first hand that in most cases, if I’m crying the worst thing (most) people can do is attempt any form of physical contact. Now, most people gain comfort from it, especially a simple gesture as holding someones hand when they’re sad, but I’m not that person. I have really bad knee jerk reaction to being touched when I’m upset as well and I know I need to work on it, but for the most part people in my life who would be in this situation are aware of it because I told them. It’s always weird to see someone you care about upset and you’re not able to do anything about it, but do you know what’s worse – touching them and causing them to scream.

That last point also happens a lot in general, I have a weird variation of ‘no go zones’ all across my body, and they’re not even normal ones. For the most part, people don’t tend to find them or notice it unless they witness my knee jerk screaming reaction first hand. Although it is funny to watch, that’s usually the moment I have to tell the person, usually a touchy feely person, to not do whatever they did to set me off. I’ve learnt that the akward conversation of telling them to politely never touch you, is better in the long run and involves a lot less screaming and running away on my side.

It might be awkward to set the boundaries but it’s also super important. Not everyone is going to know that they’re invading your personal space, or your personal boundaries and we can’t expect everyone to be psychic so let them know, have a productive conversation and honestly it’ll help you our a lot in the future.

Even though I used some of my own personal examples, there are loads of different ways of setting boundaries and it’s different for everyone. Sometimes it can be something as simple as telling someone no, and not being mentally or emotionally avalilable 24/7, or in the extreme of telling someone to stay away from you.

It’s not always as easy to have the talks, but it’s worth it most of the time.

Know Your Worth (341/365)

I’m not entirely sure how to start this blog post, maybe add an inspiring quote or a good introduction. Maybe I should pretend that this website has well prepared high value daily content, but that’s simply not the case and I don’t really enjoy pretending to be something I’m not. Also – the grammatical errors all give it away as I tend to write on the fly and don’t really have the time, energy or patience to edit them. So todays topic is knowing your worth and really valueing your self. I would love to say what inspired this, but that would cause unecessary gossip that I personally can’t deal with right now.

So.. what is your worth? How do you even begin to value yourself in a society that teaches us that confidence is a bad thing. We’re encouraged to be overly modest about everything and although it is a lovely personality trait, when it exists in excess you will get in your own way. You’ll start to believe that you’re not the best at what you do, and you’ll end up struggling to find things that you believe are your strong points. Which then results in you not knowing or believing in yourself.

I made a decision a few years ago to stop putting myself and my abilities down. This was mainly because the more I did it, the more I believed what I said and I didn’t have a strong self esteem to begin with. So that was a slippery self depricating slope that I truly hope more people get off as it’s not fun and it leads to a lot of strange mental health issues and not taking good oppurtunities.

Although I now build myself up, I still struggle a lot with the balance. Sometimes you want to believe you’re the best at something, when in reality you’re not, and other times you believe you’re average when in fact you’re brilliant. It’s like a seesaw, you have to find your balance and take time to honestly evaluate yourself. Look at your strengths, your weaknesses and ultimately what you can bring to the table in all of your ventures.

We’re all very different people, with our own quirks, so really we all bring something unique to every job, friendship and relationship. We just need to be aware of whether what we bring is positive or negative, and really work on your negatives as we’re all humans with a capacity to make changes based on your surroundings.

I guess it’s that time of your for self reflection, even more so as we’re entering a new decade soon and we can measure our personal growth from how we were at the beginning of this decade versus the end of it. Make sure you honestly evaluate your own self, know your worth and strive to ask for more. It’s always hard to get in the mindset of I deserve more because of x y z in a way that isn’t entitled, but at the same time if you truly believe in your strengths you should be able to fight for your own position in whatever you’re seeking.

I’ll end it on this note – know your worth and don’t get in a habit of settling for any less. It’s difficult to go for what you actually want, but sometimes that feeling of fear or anxiety is a good thing, it means you actually care about it.

Anger is a Secondary Emotion (332/365)

Anger is one of those things that can eat you alive, some of us are naturally more on the aggressive side, som are angry when they’re sad, hungry, emotional but the one thing that stays constant is anger is a secondary emotion. It’s a result of an initial feeling, and being ‘angry’ is always (ALWAYS) a sign of something more going on beneath the surface and it’s really important to recognise this when dealing with your own and other peoples anger.

I grew up having a lot of anger issues, it was sort of laughed about and a mentioned as a joke but now that I think about it, it really should have been taken more seriously. The thing is, a lot of people never look at a childs anger as a significant and relevant emotion, they sort of see it as a tantrum as opposed to a sign of something more. Now todays post isn’t going to be about me unpacking my childhood aggression because that involves many tales of bullying and right now I’m too tired to write about any of that.

The only reason I’m writing about this really is because we all have people in our lives – the ones who are quick to anger, the ones who can show a lot of aggression, and although it tends to be a massive red flag, it is a sign of something more. If they mean something to you, and they’re not using their emotions as a form of manipulation, it’s worth letting them know they can talk to you about whatever is going on with them.

No one is angry for the sake of being angry, because of the nature of how anger manifests it’s impossible. Whether the person is aware of it or not, it’s something that is always a result of other emotions, situations and life events.

10 Signs You’re In Need of a Self Care Day (313/365)

I have written a lot of extensive posts about self care, how to practice it at home, at work and lots of helpful tips about it, but nows the time for a post about some signs that you need to spend some time focusing on your own mental health. I may or may not have already written about it, but I know for a fact that I have some newer thoughts on it since my last post.

Self care doesn’t have to take a whole day, but it’s always good to spend some time focusing solely on replenishing yourself and your emotional helath, so here are some signs I personally look out for so I know when a good self care session is in need.

  1. When you run on auto-pilot more than usual.
  2. Feeling numb to things (ot everything).
  3. Sleeping problems – this can range from not being able to sleep, to having nightmares and even lots of sleep paralysis.
  4. Feeling unusually overwhlemed by life, or life events.
  5. When you just feel sad and aren’t sure why.
  6. Constant feelings of being anxious (as someone who has never had panic attacks this is a big one I look out for).
  7. Not wanting to do anything at all.
  8. Feelings of helplessness or hopelessness.
  9. When you don’t find joy in the things you love.
  10. When you haven’t had time to yourself in a hot minute!

My Morbid Fascination With Sadfishing (296/365)

Sadfishing is one of those things that I’ve always had a morbid fascination in watching but I never had the language to communicate why. To begin with let’s actually explain what sadfishing actually is, since I didn’t realise that this actually was a proper word until I read an online article about it. So sadfishing is the online trend of people make extremely overexaggerated claims in order to gain sympathy.

Remember the days when someone would write a Facebook status about how sad they are and how every things going wrong, but when anyone enquired about it they would reply with ‘dw about it x’, it’s that but it’s also evolved with the rise of Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat. As far as I’m aware this isn’t a thing on Tik Tok, but correct me if I’m wrong.

Now, if you’ve been following this blog for a while you know I’m all for people sharing their mental health struggles and I’m always for more awareness, but sadfishing is different. It’s more of a celebrated victim complex and utter garbage most of the time – think of people using their depression as an aesthetic and promoting self destructive behaviours as a solution.

Some even go as far as saying theres no help out there and they’re doomed to get worse, which is not only fucked up but could lead some people down some dangerous paths. These sadfishers are triggering and promoting unhealthy thought processes, so why do I spend a lot of time watching them, well the answers simple – I have a morbid fascination in many things, and some of those include other peoples open displays of emotion online, and that includes sadfishing.

I think it’s because I’m a relatively closed off person, so when I see people doing the exact opposite online I find it interesting. I wonder how they can be so open without worrying about any possible consequences, but also in the case of sadfishing I’m aware a lot of what they do is for the clout, for attention and ultimately for the wrong reasons so I don’t feel any sympathy for them.

Which sounds a bit fucked up but let me explain what I mean. So in a lot of their cases they are suffering, I won’t take that away from them, but a lot of them are in really privileged positions, they can get the right help and in some cases are. Some choose to present their mental health struggles in a pessimistic and cynical light and honestly with every breakdown comes a lot of backlash so I find it hard to sympathise with them since they’re basically promoting their sadness as a way of life and an aesthetic.

I personally blame Effy from Skins, she popularised this shit.

I guess this would also be the time to caveat that I don’t see anyones actual struggles as sadfishing, there’s a difference between a cry for help and a cry for clout and I think it’s important to recognise that. If you’re following a blogger that has grown their audience from their struggles and seems to have regular breakdowns that occur whenever they need boost of followers – than those are the sadfishers we need to throw in the bin.

Or if you’re like me watch them as a cautionary tale.

I wouldn’t recommend watching them a lot, especially if you’re prone to being effected by their displays of sadness. I can detach pretty easily from it all, so that’s why I’ll have the popcorn ready to watch it all.

Does anyone else do this, or am I in the sick minority?

Bad Mental Health Isn’t an Excuse to be a Shit Person (288/365)

Before this offends anyone I understand that when you’re deep in the bad mental health place it can cause you to not be yourself, it can cause you to lash out, be horrible and sometimes bring you to extremes that you wouldn’t think is possible, but something that it shouldn’t do is be used as an excuse to be a shit person. ‘I’m depressed’ isn’t a reason to be abusive, horrible and straight up offensive.

I say this as someone who has been there, who has struggled with depression and anger issues and I have also been that person who had the audacity to use it as an excuse:

Because I was in the dark place

Because I was going through a lot

Because I ‘couldn’t control it’

I even blamed other people for my anger – yes I was a horrible human being and looking back I can accept that and can safely say I’m a better person now. I’ve taken steps to apologise to those I wronged and generally have made a pact to never be that person again because not only is it disgusting but it’s also living a life that is filled with self pity and toxicity.

You can probably guess but because I’ve been there and moved through it I have no sympathy for anyone who does this. Depression, anxiety and bad mental health is not an excuse to be a disgusting human being. You can’t control your mental health, but you can control whether you become a toxic person as a result of it.

I know people can hesitate to call someone out for this behaviour because it’s awkward and could potentially cross a line that would lead to dismissing mental health, so I’ll say it.

There’s no excuse to be a cunt.

There you go, none. If you find yourself doing this, apologise, take ownership for being an idiot and never do it again.

This is a short post because honestly I’m struggling to right these posts alongside my new job so I’m writing them at the end of the day and honestly it’s impacting the quality.