Why Do We Joke About The Office Creep? (364/365)

This is actually a question as I don’t have an answer for this topic as it grosses me out to my inner core and I hate that I’ve witnessed how work culture allows pervesion and sexual harassment to become normalised and even joked about. If you’re not aware of what I’m talking about, let me explain it in more detail.

So in office culture there are many people out there, the quiet ones, the loud ones, the drunk ones and even the gossips, but the one I don’t understand is the creep. The creep is usually a guy from what I’ve noticed but he’s not always single (a fact that confuses me to no end). He’s never someone at an entry level position, and if you’re unfortunate sometimes he’s pretty high up. He’s known to spend more time perving on women than doing his job, he’ll look at your boobs before looking you directly in the eyes and he generally brings about an air of pure disgust.

He’ll go out with work colleagues and openly look at the newbies as prime prey and make his move on the prettiest ones, in some cases he’ll wait until they’ve had a lot to drink before going up to them and in most cases they’ll have no idea what kind of disgusting creep they’ve allowed to occupy their space. He’ll have previous instances with women in the office, and none of them will sound good to hear, he’ll use awful words to describe them and put them down whilst simultaneously looking for the next victim.

He’ll make comments about every girl, every single one.

There’s a reason he’s known as the office creep, it’s never a title handed out to an innocent falled solider. There’s always evidence and there’s always a line of people who want to hurt him for doing them wrong and yet no one actually does anything about him. It’s almost like they’re willing to allow someone who is known to sexually harass people because they’re too scared to hurt his feelings.

Most people who have been effected by him are usually in entry level roles and are too afraid to speak up, sadly HR isn’t always a department that actually do their job and in some cases they’ll also be friendly with the office creep.

I been around people gossiping about the creeps and what they’ve done, but not one of the people talking had any intention of doing anything about the guy(s) – they exchanged some awful stories as well.

So why do we allow this to become a part of working culture?

Why do we minimise the damaging effects of sexual harassment?

Why do those in power allow known creeps/predators rise to power and continue to work in their company?

This is honestly something that has confused me for a long fucking time and I’d like some answers.

How I Grew My Curly Hair LONG (357/365)

I don’t really consider myself a hair expert in any sense, but I got asked on Instagram about how I grew my hair and I feel like it’s difficult to really write everything down in the comments section – plus I needed an idea for todays blog post as I’m currently in the later stages of a massive migraine attack… I need to remember my body has limits so it humbled me… but back to hair.

So, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I’m lazy when it comes to my hair. A lot of the time I don’t even realise it has grown a lot until I straighten it and it hits me. My hair is fairly healthy, it does what it needs to do and I’m pretty good at finessing my frizz by either incorporating it into my style or hiding it completely.

My first tip is to leave it the fuck alone sometimes. I know it’s tempting to wear braids, twists, bantu knots and manipulate the fuck out of it, but your hair is delicate so loads of tightening and styling leads to breakage.. and breakage is the enemy. A lot of people believe black hair doesn’t grow very long, but it’s a myth, the only reason some people struggle to grow their hair is because it breaks off at the ends due to loads of extra styling. So leave it alone and throw it in a bun later on in the week, your ends will thank you in the long run.

I like to oil my scalp throughout the week, I’m not sure if it even adds to growth but it helps my dusty dandruff ridden scalp. I use a mixture of 2/3 Jojoba Oil, 1/3 Jamaican Black Castor Oil and a few drops of tea tree oil. Again, I don’t know if it helps, but it’s worth noting.

I also swear by keeping your hair moisturised, don’t let it dry out during the week. Your hair needs water and help, so moisturise it and really pay attention to how it’s behaving! Use masks, deep conditioners and leave in conditioners. You won’t see results straight away but trust me you’ll thank me in the long run.

I know it’s tempting to use every product you see influencers use but stop it, just stop it. Use what works for you and maintain a good routine. Some products out there aren’t good, and even though something new is out and every curly haired woman is saying it’s their holy grail, what works for them might not work for you. I’m a big believer in staying in your own lane and tailoring your routine to your hair as everyones hair is different.

Drink water… just do it. I know whenever I’m dehydrated it shows in my hair, and skin, so just stop being thirsty and drink some water.

Back to things that can cause breakage – don’t brush your hair when it’s dry, your hair will break a lot and you’ll lose all of your progress that you’ve been working on.

Last but not least, chill a little bit. I never really made hair growth my goal and to be honest I don’t really care about it’s length a lot, I just want healthy hair and the length comes with it. Most of the year I have no idea how long my hair actually is, I just keep it nice, moisturised and free to do what it wants. So stop doing length checks, and allow it.

10 Days Left To Go! My Personal Review Of 2019 (355/365)

Wow guys, we’re on the final 10 days of the year, have you managed to get your resolutions from the beginning of the year and assessed how your year has gone?

Personally I didn’t set many resolutions this year purely because my huge one was to write more, and that came about in the form of this blog and although it has been difficult I’m still doing it so that’s been a success at least.

I’ve always loved writing, even though I’m not really good at it. It’s weirdly therapeutic even when you’re not actually writing about what you’re feeling, but the simple act is somewhat cathartic, and as someone who didn’t really have any healthy outlets until now, the blog has helped out a lot. It hasn’t caused as much drama as I thought it would, and it has taught me a lot of things I didn’t know about myself – like the fact that pride can bring about great discipline.

Now that I’ve actually been running a daily blog I no longer have any excuses for being lazy or unmotivated, so I may have shot myself in the foot a little bit.

From what I remember I also wanted to spend the year being more emotionally happy and mentally healthy which.. to be perfectly honest I’m not sure if I succeeded. I know compared to this time last year I’m in a better place, but there’s still a lot of work to do on that front, but that’s sort of a life long thing either way so there’s no point trying to get there immediately since it’s not possible.

My own problem with setting personal resolutions is that I know what I’m like, if the goal isn’t possible I know it won’t happen. I know what I’m capable of and that sort of helps and hinders my progress.

This year has both gone fast and slow in my opinion, but that’s probably because I’ve also spent every day writing something so I’m hyper aware of how time has gone, to the point of knowing what day we’re on. I’ve enjoyed the year for the most part, I’m actually doing the creative projects I always said I’d try, I’ve spent less time using work as an excuse to not have fun, and more time just doing what I want.

I’ve tried to do other things and even moved out for a month, and you know what that month taught me many things, pick your living situations wisely, I’m not compatible with every single person and that I probably shouldn’t be so spontaneous with such a massive decision. It was a hectic month with more drama than I’m used to, but I guess you live and you learn. Now I can spread this knowledge to my siblings who will probably not listen.

This year has also just solidified that I’m truly grateful to have the friends and family that I do have in my life because they’re actual gems.

I wish I could write more about this years review but honestly, I don’t know if I have more to say except that life is a wild ride. 2019 will forever mark the year of writing, working many different jobs, starting creative projects and learning my own limits when it comes to human interaction.

How has your year gone?

Why I Don't Really Set New Years Resolutions (352/365)

I remember earlier in the decade whenever December would come around I would panic and realise that every resolution I had set had been ignored and I would feel a lot of shame. I didn’t drink more water, go to the gym, go to museums or read more and even though I never announced these thoughts, I felt embarrassed. Loads of Youtubers at the time would also speak about their resolutions, and although some would be in the same position as me, others would bask in their achievements, and although I was happy for them.. this added to me embarrassment.

I would always put so much pressure on myself and it never really did anything to add to my productivity until I realised why. Resolutions are like a wish list, things you hope to do without making any active plans on how to make them, so instead I switched my thinking and set goals for the year instead, with plans on how to achieve them. I’d also keep them to myself and they would be personal goals I would want to complete by the end of the year.

The beginning of this decade was a time of great change for me, I entered College and then University so I was dealing with a lot of major life decisions and many issues that teenagers tend to deal with. Amongst all of that crap I realised something… I needed to work on my own self esteem and self image as I was in the dark place 24/7 and this was something that would take a lot of personal work. I didn’t know a lot about mental health back then, but I knew that being as sad as I was wasn’t healthy, so I focused my yearly goals around that.

I wouldn’t say I’m in the perfect mental health head space right now, but spending a good few years focusing solely on my mental health and self image has helped a lot. I went from hating myself, having no self esteem and no self belief to actually believing in myself – which is a shocker. Looking back at how I was around 2010 – 2015, I really needed help, I didn’t even believe in my own intelligence.

Back to the topic at hand..

So whenever the new year would come around I would focus on a few personal goals that I needed to achieve and make plans on how to do them. I find that the resolution mentality never has a roadmap as you say things you want to do, and then hope you’ll suddenly do them. With goals, because of the implication of the word, you kind of have to make a plan alongside it and believe me when I say it helps a lot.

So, as the new year is coming round try to make plans around your resolutions and change your mindset. Instead of having a wish list, let’s spend 2020 achieving all of our goals!

Reflecting On How I was This Time Last Year(350/365)

A sea of reflection posts is inevitable at this point, there’s 15 days left of this challenge and not only are we reminiscing because it’s the end of a long year, but it’s also the end of a decade. So the comparisons people are making are hefty and very monumental. So apologies if you hate viewing other peoples self reflection but it has to be done and I hope you understand my need to indulge in a little bit of narcism as we reach the end of 2019.

December 2018 was a weird month for me, from what I remember it was challenging on so many levels and honestly I never want to relive a similar month ever again. It was filled with contract cuts, anxiety over employment, my first funeral and a lot of other personal issues that I don’t want to go into. I tend to block out things that are bad as a weird self defence mechanism, but my emotion of that month was pure anger.

I was pretty pissed off for most of the month and honestly I don’t even regret the outbursts I had towards some people. I remember being particularly cruel to one individual and I don’t even regret it – I feel like my worst personality trait is my lack of remorse for most of my actions. If I stand by it, I won’t apologise or feel guilt, so if you’ve ever received an apology from me, it actually came from the heart.

I also refuse to lie most of the time, whether that’s a good or bad thing is really up to interpretation.

So essentially what I’m saying is this time last year was.. awful. It’s a big reason I started this blog, I knew I needed an outlet and a challenge. Which is why my masochistic brain decided that something difficult would the right way to go… I don’t know why I do this to myself.

So where am I now a year has gone past? Well one major positive is that I’m a little less angry in general, not as many life events are happening at once – karma might be giving me each challenge one by one which I will accept for now. Although I can’t really say everything is suddenly amazing and better because the General Election happened and I’m honestly still sad about it.

However professionally things are going a lot better for now and honestly I feel like the best decision I made this year was leaving a toxic working environment. When your work starts to effect your mental health by being surrounded by toxic racist narcissists – you need to leave. Even if you like some of the people you’re working with – just run away and don’t look back.

So compared to last December, things are a lot better and I’ll take that as a win.

Sometimes Self Care Days Are Just Lazy Days (348/365)

As you might be able to tell the General Election results kind of hit me hard, it’s not like I expected Labour to win, I just didn’t expect the Conservatives to win by so much… I speak about racism a lot on this blog so I’m no stranger to the fact that it’s alive and well… I just forgot that 90% of the UK really hate us. Sometimes we forget, we go days without any incidents, surround ourselves with likeminded people and some of us are also lucky enough to find white people who understand our thoughts and opinions. So it’s easy to forget that everyone else isn’t like that.

This post isn’t about that though, it’s about the much needed self care days I’m taking as a result of it. Self care, as I’ve said can be practice in many different ways, sometimes it’s consists of a massive clear out and cleaning sessions, other times they’re spa days. Sometimes I even take time to assess my emotions and mental health, but right now I’m being lazy. I’m watching videos on Youtube that make me happy and honestly spending time to binge on anime because I need the escapism.

I’ve ranted a lot on social media as well about my thoughts despite wanting to hide in a cave for the next five years, I’ve come to terms that I’m probably going to have to get actively political, so before doing that I’m going to be lazy… as lazy as I can be. Maybe take a walk and really take the time to exist in a vacuum.

I feel like escapism is always seen as a negative, a way of running away from your troubles, but sometimes you need it. We can’t spend every waking moment thinking about our sadness, and running away from it for a little bit is theraputic in a way. It’s not like I’m ignoring everything, I’m just processing it slowly because any other method right now would be unhealthy.

So this is my post, just letting you know that lazy days are also a valid method of self care. Am I a professional? – no, but if it helps, it helps and you don’t always have to be the most productive human in the world for your feelings and ways of processing emotions to have value. At the end of the day everyone is different, and some of us do just need to metaphorically lie on the floor for a few days before being ready to face the world.

I’m glad I have the ability to work from home, and I booked the day after the election in advance, it’s almost like my soul was aware I’d need to be at home for it, so that helped a lot. Now to a weekend of being as lazy as I can be before I start cleaning everything in my sight – another method I use for self care because it helps.

Sometimes You Have To Accept You're Surrounded By Racists #GeneralElection (347/365)

Like many I woke up today gutted with the news that not only did the Conservatives win, but they won by a landslide. Many areas like Wales, Stoke and up North switched to voting Tory and not only was it shocking but it forced a lot of us to accept that the silent majority hold certain values, and those values are not aligned with protecting the NHS, the homeless, the poor, the LGBT community and people of colour. They ‘want Brexit done’ and they want it so bad that they’ve elected an openly everything phobic man to be their leader.

Remember the time when Boris wasn’t PM and everyone laughed at him, we all knew what he was but we all thought he’d never rise to power because even the bigots we lived with laughed at him. Not only because of his appearance but because of what he stood for.

The man has lied, hid in a fridge, avoided a phone recording of the effects of austerity cuts on the NHS, he’s said horribly racist and islamophobic comments openly and was responsible for so many bad things… but I guess the Brexit opinion prevailed.

This is the country we live in, and despite social media being very pro-Labour, we forgot about everyone else. The silent majority, the middle class, the old white people, the poor white people, the changing opinions and how all of these groups truly hated Corbyn, not Labour but their leader. They couldn’t handle what he stood for, and in all honesty Britain has a horrible history of wanting to avoid the truth, and he was too left for them, because ultimately Labour doesn’t stand for the left, and their usual seats don’t vote for them for radical change, they vote through tradition. So when that tradition is threatened they went blue.

Now I guess a lot of us are going to be a bit sad and go in hiding. I know I certainly will when it comes to open conversation about it all, not due to fear, but due to pure anger.

I forgot that the majority of our country doesn’t care about us, and that was my bad, I need to throw away the idea that anything will change and probably prepare for it to get worse. We’re heading into American Trump territory and although we don’t have guns legalised here, the fact that the majorities openly racist thinking may now get legitimised through our PM means we now need to protect ourselves.

Prepare for whats coming folks, because it ain’t gonna be good or fun. It’s going to be awful, and everyones inner racist, sexist, xenophobe, homophobe and islamophobe is going to come out.

Female Friendships Are So Important (346/365)

Sorry boys this post isn’t for you, so try not to feel too left out.

Female friendships are so bloody important in our day to day lives, both the media and many women out there really underestimate the importance of having other women in your life. It’s not even about empowerment, but about the special bond and having someone who gets you. Someone who has your back but also understands feminine struggles, let’s not even talk about periods, we all need someone who will tell us when we have lipstick on our teeth. Someone to let us know if we smell. Someone to fix our hair and keep us in check – women are honestly amazing and I really urge you to value you female friends.

I know a lot of us fell under the curse of feeling like male friendships had more value and even uttered the words ‘I just get along more with boys, they’re less drama’ – the cursed phrase.. which is a lie. Yes your male friendships are also important, but that internalised misogyny that promotes males over women by using tired outdated stereotypes are not ok and they’re also just causing you to miss out on a special bond.

Yes, some women are awful, and some men are awful. I’m not saying everyone is amazing and rainbows shoot out of their ass, I’m saying that if you find a good group of women, who aren’t assholes, you won’t regret the bond.

Sometimes I also want women around me just so I can complain about my period, and whine about the pain, the mess and just have a good moan. I do also have men that (unwillingly) deal with me talking about this topic, but they just will never get it and it’s upsetting.

So this is just a ramble to let you know, women out there, please value your friendships, especially your female friendships.

Stop Normalising The Idea That You Need To Be Overworked (345/365)

I honestly don’t know which capitalist normalised the idea of being overworked, stressed and depressed due to work, but we need to get rid of it and we need to do it ASAP. I’m only 26 and the amount of conversations I’ve had with friends and colleagues about how much unpaid overtime they do and how their stress is effecting their mental health and for what.. a job? I know we need a job to live and sustain ourselves but you shouldn’t be working yourself to death, and the fact that this is seen as normal really worries me.

Partly because it’s making employers expect us to do the most as a bare necessity, meaning that it’s more difficult to stand out as the expectation is being overworked. The other part that worries me is because it’s causing generations of overworked people who have poor mental health, working a job that they hate to make money to live. You spend more hours at work than you do awake at home, so if those hours are drenched in misery than sadness basically becomes the norm.

What kind of fucking world is that?

No wonder people yearn to be young again and look at their anxious youth with rose tinted glasses.

Let’s stop normalising this, not only is it really fucking with your physical and mental health, but it’s also making your life more miserable than it needs to be.

You rarely should be taking work home with you (emotionally), I know some jobs require this, but if you’re not working a job that does, then leave your thoughts and emotions at work.

You shouldn’t feel anxious or depressed when working.

You shouldn’t feel worked to the bone.

Your work shouldn’t be causing or increasing any health issues.

Life can be difficult, but it doesn’t need to be harder than it already is!

Don't Become Someones Backup Plan (344/365)

You know when it happens, when you get a call, a text or any conversation about an up and coming plan with someone you care about, you guys discuss it and make plans and then it happens. The news you didn’t want to hear or acknowledge… the only reason you were considered is because someone dropped out. Now, I know there are many innocent scenarios where this can happen and to be perfectly honest I’ve also done this to people, but there’s a difference between an occasional occurrence and a habit.

Usually it involves the other person being very upfront about their plans, and how someone dropped out, and in those cases it’s perfectly fine. It’s understandable and you can enjoy the plan, but when you’re a backup plan it’s very different. It’s being contacts about the event and many different plans every single time someone has cancelled on one specific person. It hurts a little bit more when you know you’ll only see them through their flakey friends consistent cancellations, as the only time you’re considered is when this happens.

You can tell this comes from a pretty personal place, and I have no need to really expand on it as I’m already unleashing my needy side. The thing is, sometimes we all want to be more than just a backup plan, and this need isn’t with everyone. Personally my emotional needs don’t extend past a few people in my life, but those people, I will unleash the beast on, in a very healthy(ish) conversation. Since being someones constant backup plan can hurt like a mother trucker and it’s not fair on you to be in that position.

The initial excitement of any plan made becomes tainted and it just leaves you feeling sad, and I am always a promoter of people communicating their feelings and emotions when it matters, whether I practice this as often as I preach it is highly debatable as the conversation is never easy to have, but it’s a necessity.

If this is a pattern after the conversation then just put your foot down. Don’t be someones back up plan, you always deserve better and more consideration. You wouldn’t let yourself be a side man/side chick without being aware, so why be a backup plan?