Why Do We Joke About The Office Creep? (364/365)

This is actually a question as I don’t have an answer for this topic as it grosses me out to my inner core and I hate that I’ve witnessed how work culture allows pervesion and sexual harassment to become normalised and even joked about. If you’re not aware of what I’m talking about, let me explain it in more detail.

So in office culture there are many people out there, the quiet ones, the loud ones, the drunk ones and even the gossips, but the one I don’t understand is the creep. The creep is usually a guy from what I’ve noticed but he’s not always single (a fact that confuses me to no end). He’s never someone at an entry level position, and if you’re unfortunate sometimes he’s pretty high up. He’s known to spend more time perving on women than doing his job, he’ll look at your boobs before looking you directly in the eyes and he generally brings about an air of pure disgust.

He’ll go out with work colleagues and openly look at the newbies as prime prey and make his move on the prettiest ones, in some cases he’ll wait until they’ve had a lot to drink before going up to them and in most cases they’ll have no idea what kind of disgusting creep they’ve allowed to occupy their space. He’ll have previous instances with women in the office, and none of them will sound good to hear, he’ll use awful words to describe them and put them down whilst simultaneously looking for the next victim.

He’ll make comments about every girl, every single one.

There’s a reason he’s known as the office creep, it’s never a title handed out to an innocent falled solider. There’s always evidence and there’s always a line of people who want to hurt him for doing them wrong and yet no one actually does anything about him. It’s almost like they’re willing to allow someone who is known to sexually harass people because they’re too scared to hurt his feelings.

Most people who have been effected by him are usually in entry level roles and are too afraid to speak up, sadly HR isn’t always a department that actually do their job and in some cases they’ll also be friendly with the office creep.

I been around people gossiping about the creeps and what they’ve done, but not one of the people talking had any intention of doing anything about the guy(s) – they exchanged some awful stories as well.

So why do we allow this to become a part of working culture?

Why do we minimise the damaging effects of sexual harassment?

Why do those in power allow known creeps/predators rise to power and continue to work in their company?

This is honestly something that has confused me for a long fucking time and I’d like some answers.

The Time Me and My Friend Saved a Cat (353/365)

We have another door to door story coming up, it was a truly hectic day for everyone in our group, there were fights, threats and we saved a cat.

Now this tale will focus on the cat because all of the violence that ensued that day can not be told by me, they’re not my stories to tell, and almost every instance was fuelled by racism.. I don’t really have it in me to talk about racism with a level head at the moment due to the current state of life.

So back to the cat…

So it was a standard day of knocking doors in a nicer area, everyone was rude, and me and my friend were getting sick of everyone in the area. We completed out first lap, which takes place around 1-3pm quite quickly and spent a lot of it talking about life. As people are usually working it’s the quiet lap in most areas so usually if you’re with someone you spend a lot of it talking and generally taking the piss if you’re friends.

We met up with the group to have lunch, the day seemed to be like any other day, and for us it was pretty chill.

Our next lap had more people back from the school rush and everyone was fucking rude. Now, at this point we were used to this, but on that day we honestly could not be bothered dealing with people – it happens every now and then and it’s always good to have someone with you when it happens so you can talk things through.

We were getting to the point where we could not be bothered doing any more work and we heard something weird, it was an animal but it sounded like it was in pain. Now, we were knocking new builds so it wasn’t like we were near main roads, the area was quite compact and even maze like. Then we saw the cat, it had clearly been hit by a car and we weren’t sure of what to do, so we checked the cat and it was in a bad state.

We tried knocking near by doors of people, regardless of whether we pitched them or not because a cat was in danger – now people are dickheads and they weren’t nice to us when we re-knocked their doors up until the cat was mentioned. Luckily we managed to get a hold of the neighbour of the cat owner (who was at work), I believe from what I can remember he also had a cat, or a pet at least as he knew what to do.

The cat owner eventually came back and it was a whole ordeal. I don’t remember a lot of it, but only the fact that we were honestly worried about the cat. It sounded like it was in a lot of pain, and I don’t think it would have stood a chance if we hadn’t been on those roads knocking doors that day.

Weirdly enough things like that happen a lot when you take on a job like door to door sales, you’ll end up in situations where you help people, are able to call ambulances and really just make sure people are getting the help they need. It sounds dramatic, but a friend of mine literally had a customer have an epileptic fit in the middle of the sale, and called an ambulance for them.

So, we saved a cat, met up with our group of fellow sales people and although we wanted to tell our story proudly – everyone had ended up in some form of violent situation, or potentially violent situation. All sparked by racist comments… so the day was a bit of a mess for everyone in that area.

Reflecting On How I was This Time Last Year(350/365)

A sea of reflection posts is inevitable at this point, there’s 15 days left of this challenge and not only are we reminiscing because it’s the end of a long year, but it’s also the end of a decade. So the comparisons people are making are hefty and very monumental. So apologies if you hate viewing other peoples self reflection but it has to be done and I hope you understand my need to indulge in a little bit of narcism as we reach the end of 2019.

December 2018 was a weird month for me, from what I remember it was challenging on so many levels and honestly I never want to relive a similar month ever again. It was filled with contract cuts, anxiety over employment, my first funeral and a lot of other personal issues that I don’t want to go into. I tend to block out things that are bad as a weird self defence mechanism, but my emotion of that month was pure anger.

I was pretty pissed off for most of the month and honestly I don’t even regret the outbursts I had towards some people. I remember being particularly cruel to one individual and I don’t even regret it – I feel like my worst personality trait is my lack of remorse for most of my actions. If I stand by it, I won’t apologise or feel guilt, so if you’ve ever received an apology from me, it actually came from the heart.

I also refuse to lie most of the time, whether that’s a good or bad thing is really up to interpretation.

So essentially what I’m saying is this time last year was.. awful. It’s a big reason I started this blog, I knew I needed an outlet and a challenge. Which is why my masochistic brain decided that something difficult would the right way to go… I don’t know why I do this to myself.

So where am I now a year has gone past? Well one major positive is that I’m a little less angry in general, not as many life events are happening at once – karma might be giving me each challenge one by one which I will accept for now. Although I can’t really say everything is suddenly amazing and better because the General Election happened and I’m honestly still sad about it.

However professionally things are going a lot better for now and honestly I feel like the best decision I made this year was leaving a toxic working environment. When your work starts to effect your mental health by being surrounded by toxic racist narcissists – you need to leave. Even if you like some of the people you’re working with – just run away and don’t look back.

So compared to last December, things are a lot better and I’ll take that as a win.

SEE Factors – A Sales Persons Secret Weapon (337/365)

The basis of every successful sale is the persons personality, their trustworthiness and their ability to charm the pants off of someone. This can be done in many different ways, but those are too personalised and for a lot of sales roles, they don’t have the luxury or patience to tailor a special style to every single person, so there are blanket rules that they should follow to ensure that they’re at least able to sell, and sell good.

That’s where SEE factors come in to play, I feel like acronyms are big in teaching sales, or at least where I worked.

S – Smile

E – Eye contact

E – Excitement

Seems simple enough, but all three need to be executed perfectly and in a way that doesn’t seem fake or inauthentic. So we’ll run through each of them to explain how this is done, this post isn’t really going to be that long because this is a fairly simple concept, but it’s the basis of so many sales.

When it comes to the first point you kind of have to smile, when you’re selling something, especially as the first impression is one of the most important things to consider. I said this in my post yesterday, but people are fickle and make up their mind within the first few seconds about you, your character and whether they’re going to succumb to what you’re selling.

The thing is… you also can’t exagerate your smile, the potential customer might get scared and honestly you might get a complaint which will ruin your ability to make sales. Although this can also be applied to any form of life, as those who never smile are seen as outsiders and those who smile too much seen as fake.

The next step to understanding this concept is eye contact, which is literally the biggest tool to building trust. If you can’t look someone in the eye, you’ll seem shifty and they’ll be suspicious around you. Eye contact also shows confidence in yourself and what you’re selling so if you’re not confident than why should they buy into what you’re offering.

Last but not least, excitement, the crux of it all. If you’re not excited about what you’re selling than neither will the potential customer, you need to care. However, you can’t care or be too excited, there’s a ratio and it is being 10% more than the person you’re pitching.

So it can be tailored for each person but also allow you to not only take control of the conversation but to also make the recipient care. Some people are super susceptible to others and they’ll subconsciously match your excitement which will then mean they’re hooked.

Each element of the SEE factors can honestly be used in every day life to essentially get what you want but in a way that isn’t pure manipulation.

Anger is a Secondary Emotion (332/365)

Anger is one of those things that can eat you alive, some of us are naturally more on the aggressive side, som are angry when they’re sad, hungry, emotional but the one thing that stays constant is anger is a secondary emotion. It’s a result of an initial feeling, and being ‘angry’ is always (ALWAYS) a sign of something more going on beneath the surface and it’s really important to recognise this when dealing with your own and other peoples anger.

I grew up having a lot of anger issues, it was sort of laughed about and a mentioned as a joke but now that I think about it, it really should have been taken more seriously. The thing is, a lot of people never look at a childs anger as a significant and relevant emotion, they sort of see it as a tantrum as opposed to a sign of something more. Now todays post isn’t going to be about me unpacking my childhood aggression because that involves many tales of bullying and right now I’m too tired to write about any of that.

The only reason I’m writing about this really is because we all have people in our lives – the ones who are quick to anger, the ones who can show a lot of aggression, and although it tends to be a massive red flag, it is a sign of something more. If they mean something to you, and they’re not using their emotions as a form of manipulation, it’s worth letting them know they can talk to you about whatever is going on with them.

No one is angry for the sake of being angry, because of the nature of how anger manifests it’s impossible. Whether the person is aware of it or not, it’s something that is always a result of other emotions, situations and life events.

Will This Blog Continue After 2019? (330/365)

You probably know by now, but I created this blog for this year, I wanted to start a challenge that would force me to write more and also allow it to become an outlet of sorts. Although I did not predict actually continuing past 2-3 months, I did think about the longevity of this blog a lot. I do intend for it to continue after 2019 however it won’t be in a the same format – no more daily blogging your girl is burnt out and we’re not even done yet.

I’ll probably more on to a free domain as well, as I only bought this domain to force myself to write every day. Nothing motivates me more than actually putting money and effort into a project, because then it needs to be continued.

Which means no more http://www.fatimaspeaks.com which will be slightly upsetting but I’ll get through it.

With less posts will come more detailed and well written blog posts, I might even start editing them and making sure they’re grammatically correct.

Sorry about the short post for today, hope you have a good one. 🙂

Should I Be Open About My Mental Health? (322/365)

I write a lot about mental health, self care and generally like to give advice and tips based on my own experience, but one thing I’ve never done is actually write about my own raw experiences. One of the reasons why is because I don’t like to be open about my own personal pain online, being that vulnerable around people I personally know make me want to hide in a corner for a century, so doing it online would be personally .. difficult.

But, here’s the thing, I know for a fact seeing others be open and honest has helped me personally and others I personally know. I know I don’t have a big following anywhere, but would me opening up actually help people? I do want to help, if I’m ever open about my mental health it will take a while, so I doubt it would be done during my daily blogging challenge, but as a post next year… it could be a possibility.

So back to the question – should I be more open about it all?

I know I’m from many intersections of society, I’m Black, I’m Muslim (not practicing but still a Muslim),and I’m a Woman and let’s be honest there’s not a lot of people from all three groups actually talking about issues that effect us like mental health.

We tend to see it as a ‘white people issue’ or if we do see it the problem we’re then battling it alone as our parents see the word ‘counselling’ as a dirty word and let’s be honest extended family can only help so much unless they live near you.

Some of the lucky ones have friends to talk to (I consider myself in this category), but I know there’s a lot of people who might not feel the same, so maybe my experiences could help a little bit as I used to be someone who kept everything bottled in from everyone..

This isn’t a coherent post, just a question and my little thoughts around it. If you have an answer please comment below, or slide in my DM’s I have an Instagram account @fatimaspeaks. 🙂

Public Transport Pet Peeves (319/365)

As someone who has used public transport for many many years I can say that although it is convenient it comes with a lot of extra hassle that none of us like to deal with. It also has a bad reputation with everyone, no one likes to use the bus or train, but we do it because we have to. Or in my case it’s because I can’t be bothered to learn how to drive, that’s a topic for another day.

So naturally I love a good rant and to complain every now and then, so here’s a lovely list of all of my public transport pet peeves:

  1. When people stand up in buses and use up all of the space when there are free seats.
  2. When people do the above on double decker buses, and you fight your way up the stairs, to see even more free seats.
  3. There’s almost always a free seat – GO FIND THE SEAT!
  4. People who play music on buses – it’s not 2010 anymore, get some ear phones and keep your music to yourself.
  5. Some demons upgrade on point 4 and play music through speakers on the bus, not only is this annoying, but I’m pretty sure they were raised by Satan himself.
  6. When someone is sat on the seat that isn’t a window seat, and you ask them to move up to free a seat, but they just swivel to the side and expect you squeeze through – why are you so lazy? Do you just want booty in your face?
  7. Men who try to chat you up when you’re clearly listening to music, and keep hollering despite your lack on interest – the fuck you want?
  8. People who stink on buses – it’s worse when they’re next to you.
  9. People who fight on buses – go find a street alley with no camera’s like a normal person!
  10. When a train is packed and everyone is trying to make way, a there’s always that one person who refuses to move – listen fucktart, move!
  11. Anyone who stares at you on any public transport is already a creeper, and they need to lower their gaze asap.
  12. Space invaders.
  13. Leg spreaders.
  14. Any form of intrusion of my space.
  15. Anyone who makes passive aggressive comments about someone, look you’re in a major city, it’s the wild wild west out here.
  16. Although being on the drunk train is funny, it’s scary when you’re on your own, so the rowdy football drunk people make it on this list.
  17. If you barely know me, let’s not start a full conversation, it’s a pet peeve because I like to mentally prepare for the day/unwind from the day.
  18. People who cough/sneeze without covering their mouths – this isn’t just specific to public transport and anyone who does this wasn’t raised right.

I feel like this list could go on forever, so I’ll stop for now, just so there could be a possible part two in the future.

Companies Need To Stop Writing Fake Positive Glassdoor Reviews (318/365)

Glassdoor is probably one of my favourite websites out there purely because it has helped me with job hunting, searching for honest reviews about the company and looking at the interview process. Good souls out there will write down what the companies interview process is, what each position pays and an honest review about their experience working there. As someone who has landed in a lot of work places that are on the more negative side, the fact that websites like this exist is really helpful, and can allow you to spill the tea when you leave.

The thing is, there’s a lot of fake positive reviews out there, and it really shows how companies are trying to drown the negative reviews out of sight. Now, I understand that its only natural to want your company to be seen in a good light, especially as people might reject a job offer based on negative reviews, but by writing fake reviews, you’re damaging your credibility. Since the positives will be over the top, and the negatives will be even harsher – we all know that (most) people don’t write fake reviews about negative employment, if they’re using terms like racism and sexism – it’s because your company is racist and sexist.

Am I writing this because I’ve seen this happen in previous work places – fuck yes!

Not only have I worked in a sales office where my manager forced us to write good reviews, as the bad were really bad, but I’ve also worked in another company where we all stalked their Glassdoor page as we knew the people who wrote the bad reviews. We knew the bad reviews all came from a place of pure honesty, and then we saw a flood of positive reviews that were so good that it wasn’t believable – sometimes upper management need to learn to lie better.

At the end of the day the reason websites like Glassdoor exist is to help employee’s, not employers. It’s for people who are applying for jobs and it’s a platform that allows them to get a ‘no bullshit’ view of what they’re getting themselves into.

What Writers Block Feels Like (315/365)

I make a lot of jokes about my issues with writers block and how I’ve resorted to some lazy posts or just a stream of consciousness, which always turns out to be a mess, but I don’t think I’ve expanded a lot on how this feels or how it comes about. Writers block happens to everyone who dabbles in writing, whether it’s professionally or for fun, and we use the term a lot but we don’t spend a lot of time describing the sensation.

I guess because everyone kind of knows what it is, it’s a straight up mental block.

It feels a lot like your brain has ideas, and wants to write but they’re stuck beneath a service that you can’t seem to access. Like a weight that is draining every single hope and dream you have of writing in that moment. You want to write, but you can’t.

It’s kind of like a form of hopelessness but in the form of something that isn’t allowing you to actually write down all the thoughts you have.

I’ve had many moments of having ideas, writing down the title of the ideas, and then not finding the words of even the will to write the post. It’s linked to a minor fear of it being shit, and a major fear of being able to do the topic justice. So in my case I get in my own way, but writers block is honestly an annoying thing because there’s not physical way to get yourself out of it, you kind of have to walk away, do something else and hope that you’re able to put words together later.

Which isn’t good when you have a daily blog, but I put myself in this hell of having to write a post every day of the year.