20 Things We're Not Bringing Into 2020 (356/365)

We’re keeping up the generic new years resolution theme to end this year of daily blogging because honestly I want to write about it, and it’s a lot easier than accessing my brain and trying to bring out the smarter side of it. It has switched off for the year and I’m not sure how to bring it back, so for now let’s discuss what kind of energy and behaviour we’re not going to bring into the new year.

  1. Justifying racism in any way shape or form.
  2. Not taking our mental health seriously.
  3. Going to bed in a face full of makeup.
  4. Not sharing our best makeup and skin care tips – I’M LOOKING AT YOU MEN WITH FLAWLESS SKIN, YOU DON’T EVEN DESERVE IT.
  5. Uneccessary pettiness, look if I don’t know why you’re being petty, it defeats the purpose of the act.
  6. Not helping each other grow as well developed humans.
  7. Black people hating on each other, this behaviour has always confused me and we need to stop doing it. We’re just making things worse for ourselves and honestly it’s embarasing.
  8. Beauty hair bloggers going natural for a few months and then going back to using relaxer for views – look, if you’re being genuine do whatever the fuck you want to your hair, but some people are honestly just doing this shit for views and it’s making it look difficult to maintain natural hair when it’s really not.
  9. Every stupid makeup trend, let’s just try to look amazing and do what we want. No more using cutlery, ashy foundation or anything that you’re doing for the clout. Makeup is supposed to be fun, have fun with it.
  10. Supporting bigots… put that shit in the bin and stop doing it.
  11. Expecting people of colour to be calm in our outrage, We’re sick of the racism and discrimination so we shouldn’t have to also be polite when people are literally dying.
  12. Looking down on people because of their music taste. Music is literally noise, put your pretentious thoughts in meat grinder please.
  13. Anyone who still argues against Trans rights… wtf is wrong with you, shut up. Don’t even bring religion into it because no religion advocates death, they advocate respecting one another and not fucking killing people. (I swear if you use the word jihad I’ll slap you, jihad isn’t about senseless murder and greater jihad ISN’T EVEN VIOLENT).
  14. Assuming you’re the smartest person in the room, sorry you’re not and you have to accept that and move on.
  15. Letting people walk all over us, it’s time to walk all over them (or something nicer).
  16. Criticisng anyone for not being married or having children… allow them and let them live!
  17. Women hating on other women for existing… put that shit away. Other women aren’t a threat to your womanhood and if you honestly hold these beliefs you need to sort out your internalised hatred towards your own gender.
  18. Negative friends/influences. Time to do a clean out!
  19. Pretending to be someone you’re not – this is easier said than done, but it’s a lot more refreshing to be yourself, even if people hate you for it.
  20. Last but not least, let’s stop ignoring those people we care about. Check in on your friends, your family, and make sure they’re doing ok. The people who seem the strongest are probably holding in a lot of things, so try to reach out and help them.

10 Days Left To Go! My Personal Review Of 2019 (355/365)

Wow guys, we’re on the final 10 days of the year, have you managed to get your resolutions from the beginning of the year and assessed how your year has gone?

Personally I didn’t set many resolutions this year purely because my huge one was to write more, and that came about in the form of this blog and although it has been difficult I’m still doing it so that’s been a success at least.

I’ve always loved writing, even though I’m not really good at it. It’s weirdly therapeutic even when you’re not actually writing about what you’re feeling, but the simple act is somewhat cathartic, and as someone who didn’t really have any healthy outlets until now, the blog has helped out a lot. It hasn’t caused as much drama as I thought it would, and it has taught me a lot of things I didn’t know about myself – like the fact that pride can bring about great discipline.

Now that I’ve actually been running a daily blog I no longer have any excuses for being lazy or unmotivated, so I may have shot myself in the foot a little bit.

From what I remember I also wanted to spend the year being more emotionally happy and mentally healthy which.. to be perfectly honest I’m not sure if I succeeded. I know compared to this time last year I’m in a better place, but there’s still a lot of work to do on that front, but that’s sort of a life long thing either way so there’s no point trying to get there immediately since it’s not possible.

My own problem with setting personal resolutions is that I know what I’m like, if the goal isn’t possible I know it won’t happen. I know what I’m capable of and that sort of helps and hinders my progress.

This year has both gone fast and slow in my opinion, but that’s probably because I’ve also spent every day writing something so I’m hyper aware of how time has gone, to the point of knowing what day we’re on. I’ve enjoyed the year for the most part, I’m actually doing the creative projects I always said I’d try, I’ve spent less time using work as an excuse to not have fun, and more time just doing what I want.

I’ve tried to do other things and even moved out for a month, and you know what that month taught me many things, pick your living situations wisely, I’m not compatible with every single person and that I probably shouldn’t be so spontaneous with such a massive decision. It was a hectic month with more drama than I’m used to, but I guess you live and you learn. Now I can spread this knowledge to my siblings who will probably not listen.

This year has also just solidified that I’m truly grateful to have the friends and family that I do have in my life because they’re actual gems.

I wish I could write more about this years review but honestly, I don’t know if I have more to say except that life is a wild ride. 2019 will forever mark the year of writing, working many different jobs, starting creative projects and learning my own limits when it comes to human interaction.

How has your year gone?

Apathy About Politics Is A Privilege Many Of Us Don't Have (354/365)

So, this is the post about everyone who says they don’t pay attention to politics because they can’t be bothered, or that it doesn’t effect them – not only are these statements seeping in pure privilege but they’re also infuriating. To ignore politics because of these reasons means you honestly don’t care about other people, you don’t give a shit about how right wing governments impact minorities, the poor, the ethnic minorities, the women, the disabled, the LGBT+ community – you just don’t care.

Apathy is the absence of any emotion towards a topic, so to be apathetic about politics means that you don’t care. Which essentially means they don’t care about anyone who isn’t them.

That level of apathy is honestly scary to me, because people like this either don’t vote, don’t care or vote for right wing people because they think it’s the easiest way to vote. To vote for the many would be to pay attention to the struggles of everyone, and that would require too much emotion for people like this… It boils my blood because when people make these statements it doesn’t come from a place of wanting to learn, or even just plain ignorance, it comes from a place of rejection.

Ignorant people can be taught, people who reject our struggles are a different monster to battle. They’re like the final boss battle that has three stages and on the last stage your character falls into a pit and your only way of surviving is through running away and getting stronger – and not all of us have the energy to gather the strength to fight them again. Some of us want to rage quit, take our time or use a cheat code and you can’t always do these things in real life.

This post isn’t really going to be long because… the more I write about this, the more upset I get. I’m just not apathetic when it comes to anything political, I’m a part of way too many minority groups to even consider not paying attention to what is happening in the world. The right wing are in high positions in many governments and Muslims across Asia are being targeted and murdered… don’t even get me started on all of the news that isn’t broadcasted about any African nation.

Why I Don't Really Set New Years Resolutions (352/365)

I remember earlier in the decade whenever December would come around I would panic and realise that every resolution I had set had been ignored and I would feel a lot of shame. I didn’t drink more water, go to the gym, go to museums or read more and even though I never announced these thoughts, I felt embarrassed. Loads of Youtubers at the time would also speak about their resolutions, and although some would be in the same position as me, others would bask in their achievements, and although I was happy for them.. this added to me embarrassment.

I would always put so much pressure on myself and it never really did anything to add to my productivity until I realised why. Resolutions are like a wish list, things you hope to do without making any active plans on how to make them, so instead I switched my thinking and set goals for the year instead, with plans on how to achieve them. I’d also keep them to myself and they would be personal goals I would want to complete by the end of the year.

The beginning of this decade was a time of great change for me, I entered College and then University so I was dealing with a lot of major life decisions and many issues that teenagers tend to deal with. Amongst all of that crap I realised something… I needed to work on my own self esteem and self image as I was in the dark place 24/7 and this was something that would take a lot of personal work. I didn’t know a lot about mental health back then, but I knew that being as sad as I was wasn’t healthy, so I focused my yearly goals around that.

I wouldn’t say I’m in the perfect mental health head space right now, but spending a good few years focusing solely on my mental health and self image has helped a lot. I went from hating myself, having no self esteem and no self belief to actually believing in myself – which is a shocker. Looking back at how I was around 2010 – 2015, I really needed help, I didn’t even believe in my own intelligence.

Back to the topic at hand..

So whenever the new year would come around I would focus on a few personal goals that I needed to achieve and make plans on how to do them. I find that the resolution mentality never has a roadmap as you say things you want to do, and then hope you’ll suddenly do them. With goals, because of the implication of the word, you kind of have to make a plan alongside it and believe me when I say it helps a lot.

So, as the new year is coming round try to make plans around your resolutions and change your mindset. Instead of having a wish list, let’s spend 2020 achieving all of our goals!

Female Friendships Are So Important (346/365)

Sorry boys this post isn’t for you, so try not to feel too left out.

Female friendships are so bloody important in our day to day lives, both the media and many women out there really underestimate the importance of having other women in your life. It’s not even about empowerment, but about the special bond and having someone who gets you. Someone who has your back but also understands feminine struggles, let’s not even talk about periods, we all need someone who will tell us when we have lipstick on our teeth. Someone to let us know if we smell. Someone to fix our hair and keep us in check – women are honestly amazing and I really urge you to value you female friends.

I know a lot of us fell under the curse of feeling like male friendships had more value and even uttered the words ‘I just get along more with boys, they’re less drama’ – the cursed phrase.. which is a lie. Yes your male friendships are also important, but that internalised misogyny that promotes males over women by using tired outdated stereotypes are not ok and they’re also just causing you to miss out on a special bond.

Yes, some women are awful, and some men are awful. I’m not saying everyone is amazing and rainbows shoot out of their ass, I’m saying that if you find a good group of women, who aren’t assholes, you won’t regret the bond.

Sometimes I also want women around me just so I can complain about my period, and whine about the pain, the mess and just have a good moan. I do also have men that (unwillingly) deal with me talking about this topic, but they just will never get it and it’s upsetting.

So this is just a ramble to let you know, women out there, please value your friendships, especially your female friendships.

Keep Your Pitch Short and Sweet (338/365)

Have you ever been stopped by someone on the street knowing they’re about to sell you something, but entertaining the attention either way because you’ve had a short lapse in judgement? If you said no, you’re lying, but there’s truly nothing worse than someone pitching you for a long time. Humans have short attention spams, and regardless of what you’re selling, the potential customer doesn’t care. They want to know what it is and how much, but spending more than 1 minute on the charity is a huge no go, because no matter how good the cause is, people are inherently apathetic.

So I represented a lot of charities during my time in sales, and every single one of them was a good cause and many involved helping out children, so I can honestly say with my chest that people don’t give a shit about what you’re pitching, they care about your personality and how you deliver the news of how much the direct debit will cost. I’ve seen people emphasise on the short story/presentation (see my post on the pitch structure) parts of the pitch, making them the longest to invoke empathy… it never works and honestly it’s a waste of time.

People don’t care at all, and in most cases they’re already helping out loads of other charities. So in their mind their karma is good.

Keep it short and simple, state the key facts and honestly build a (fake) honest relationship with your customer and all will be well. If you’re planning to pitch someone outside of sales about something this advice helps out a lot as well, it’s all about your personality at the end of the day so stick to a structure and make sure you’re building trust and impulse along the way.

30 Days Left of This Decade.. (335/365)

Time has flown, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, running a daily blog really makes you aware of how fast the year goes by and you’re able to pin point how many days are left/have past. It’s honestly mad but I do enjoy it as well since this blog is still happening.

I was going to start a sales exposè series, but then I remembered that Sunday is the day where no one reads this blog so why waste a good introduction to a weekly series on a day that everyone is either busy or sleeping. I know first hand that I prefer to use my Sundays either having a huge pampering session or just watching something new and exciting – so an anime or a korean drama.

When December hits I feel like it’s the time where everyone starts to reflect on the year and how it has gone. If you’re someone who has set new years resolutions, then you’re reviewing whether you actually stuck to them or if you’re like me and set overall goals, it’s just looking how what steps I took to achieve them. I want to write a more detailed post about how 2019 has gone for me later on and closer to the end of this daily blogging journey as I still have 30 days left to actually think about everything – you never know that might be a post I also put effort in to.

It’s also the time where you stop seeing the sunlight and sort of embrace the darkness more, so this can effect your mental health and generally how you’re feeling, as humans need sunlight to function. We are plants, let’s just be real about it. I use that phrase as a joke to my friends effected by the darkness, but in reality we do need vitamin D to remain healthy and sunshine can make you feel happier.

I guess it’s holiday season, so that’s something people look forward to.. right? As someone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas I know I don’t have to worry about buying a shit ton of presents or any of that, but the festive season does mean everythings on sale and there’s pretty lights dotted about everywhere so that’s nice to look at.

We’re going to be entering a new decade soon, so I guess there’s loads of pictures comparing how people started and ended the decade and I would like to officially say, none of you are seeing pics of me from 2009/2010.

Anger is a Secondary Emotion (332/365)

Anger is one of those things that can eat you alive, some of us are naturally more on the aggressive side, som are angry when they’re sad, hungry, emotional but the one thing that stays constant is anger is a secondary emotion. It’s a result of an initial feeling, and being ‘angry’ is always (ALWAYS) a sign of something more going on beneath the surface and it’s really important to recognise this when dealing with your own and other peoples anger.

I grew up having a lot of anger issues, it was sort of laughed about and a mentioned as a joke but now that I think about it, it really should have been taken more seriously. The thing is, a lot of people never look at a childs anger as a significant and relevant emotion, they sort of see it as a tantrum as opposed to a sign of something more. Now todays post isn’t going to be about me unpacking my childhood aggression because that involves many tales of bullying and right now I’m too tired to write about any of that.

The only reason I’m writing about this really is because we all have people in our lives – the ones who are quick to anger, the ones who can show a lot of aggression, and although it tends to be a massive red flag, it is a sign of something more. If they mean something to you, and they’re not using their emotions as a form of manipulation, it’s worth letting them know they can talk to you about whatever is going on with them.

No one is angry for the sake of being angry, because of the nature of how anger manifests it’s impossible. Whether the person is aware of it or not, it’s something that is always a result of other emotions, situations and life events.

To Everyone Who Defends Their Racist Friend (324/365)

I think it’s safe to say the theme of this week is racism, and it’s inspired by pure pettiness – I wish I was a better person, but I’m really not.

Now we all have one friend who’s about a decade or two behind with everything, the ones who complain about political correctness or are still learning that oriental is an offensive term – but the thing is a lot of us don’t excuse their behaviour. Personally, if I’m becoming friends with someone I make it my job to educate them, because sometimes their backward behaviour is pure ignorance, and that can be unlearned.

There’s a difference between educating and just allowing this behaviour and the latter is what we’ll be focusing on today. I’ve seen this too much and honestly it’s disgusting because it see’s racist, sexist and xenophobic remarks as just a personality trait. Which not only excuses their discriminatory actions, but promotes it because they’ll never see anything wrong with it.

I’ve seen this happen way too much to be silent on it, groups of people just saying their friend is awkward, when in reality he has a problem with people of colour. That same ‘awkward’ person will have no issues speaking to white people, but the second anyone has any form of melanin it’s like eye contact is a myth, they start to fidget and worry about their own safety – guess what folks, that’s called racial stereotyping and is a racist way of thinking.

As an adult my main issue with this school of thought is the people they excuse are usually people in power, they’re managers and are responsible for a team of people and if you live in a major city – that team will probably have at least one person of colour. Unless the people are involved in the hiring process, then they’re just going to let their conscious and unconscious racial prejudices stop people from BME backgrounds from getting jobs.

We speak about systematic racism a lot, but people forget that these systems are made up of people, and their thoughts towards their fellow humans can either allow POC to thrive, or keep things at it is – which is difficult.

So next time your friend gets accused of racism, instead of thinking the person accusing them is probably just ‘using the race card’ (which by the way is a myth created by our oppressors to make it more difficult to call them out), maybe take into account that your friend is a product of their society, benefits from their privilege and is in fact a racist.

Do they have time to change? – of course!

They won’t change whilst you and many others excuse their fucked up actions as just a quirky personality trait.

Should I Be Open About My Mental Health? (322/365)

I write a lot about mental health, self care and generally like to give advice and tips based on my own experience, but one thing I’ve never done is actually write about my own raw experiences. One of the reasons why is because I don’t like to be open about my own personal pain online, being that vulnerable around people I personally know make me want to hide in a corner for a century, so doing it online would be personally .. difficult.

But, here’s the thing, I know for a fact seeing others be open and honest has helped me personally and others I personally know. I know I don’t have a big following anywhere, but would me opening up actually help people? I do want to help, if I’m ever open about my mental health it will take a while, so I doubt it would be done during my daily blogging challenge, but as a post next year… it could be a possibility.

So back to the question – should I be more open about it all?

I know I’m from many intersections of society, I’m Black, I’m Muslim (not practicing but still a Muslim),and I’m a Woman and let’s be honest there’s not a lot of people from all three groups actually talking about issues that effect us like mental health.

We tend to see it as a ‘white people issue’ or if we do see it the problem we’re then battling it alone as our parents see the word ‘counselling’ as a dirty word and let’s be honest extended family can only help so much unless they live near you.

Some of the lucky ones have friends to talk to (I consider myself in this category), but I know there’s a lot of people who might not feel the same, so maybe my experiences could help a little bit as I used to be someone who kept everything bottled in from everyone..

This isn’t a coherent post, just a question and my little thoughts around it. If you have an answer please comment below, or slide in my DM’s I have an Instagram account @fatimaspeaks. 🙂