Bandwagon Diversity Isn't Real Diversity (360/365)

If a brand or a celebrity has suddenly decided to give a shit about minority rights in a way that is unnatural, then unfortunately they’re jumping on acceptance of everyone as if it’s a fad. For the past few years issues like racism, sexism, homophobia and transphobia have been called out openly by enough people for a new standard to be set. Now, some people who want to continue hating on us call the outcry and new expectations the actions of sensitive snowflakes, but I’ve already written about why that is wrong on so many levels so this post will be about those who are lying about their interest in minority rights to be seen in a good light.

I’m all up for people growing and changing don’t get me wrong, but I feel like some brands and influencers/celebrities are jumping on this bandwagon in the hopes that their past silence will suddenly be forgotten about. Look at JK Rowling, someone who (after her books were published and serialised) suddenly spoke about how major characters were gay, when in reality what she should have done was actually include this in the canon.. but then again she might not be the best example as she’s horrificly transphobic.

Makeup brands used to ignore the needs of women of colour with their embarassing shade ranges until Fenty beauty happened and changed the standard. Now, I’m all for makeup brands giving everyone options, but some do it in a way where you can tell they’re jumping on the hype and have no knowledege about darker and deeper skin tones – look at Morphe’s release, it had 60 shades, but over half of those were ashy, grey and even orange. What’s the point in looking like your inclusive if you’re not actually inclusive!

You also see this in celebrities who actively speak about race issues, there are so many activists in their space who do it right… and then you have the rest who will at the most retweet something and then suddenly stay quiet. The worst ones are probably the ones who are silent during election time, they’ll be the loudest one any other time of the year except when it matters… I’m looking at most UK celebrities for this. Not many had the same energy as Stormzy, they stayed silent, and now his words against our racist British culture are being warped by the media!

If a well known name or brand is seeing inclusivity as a trend they won’t do it sincerely, they won’t advocate for anyone and as soon as it’s no longer ‘in trend’ they’ll continue to ignore our needs so fuck them.

Fuck them all and their gaze of seeing our issues as a fashion accessory ready to dispose of.

How I Grew My Curly Hair LONG (357/365)

I don’t really consider myself a hair expert in any sense, but I got asked on Instagram about how I grew my hair and I feel like it’s difficult to really write everything down in the comments section – plus I needed an idea for todays blog post as I’m currently in the later stages of a massive migraine attack… I need to remember my body has limits so it humbled me… but back to hair.

So, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, I’m lazy when it comes to my hair. A lot of the time I don’t even realise it has grown a lot until I straighten it and it hits me. My hair is fairly healthy, it does what it needs to do and I’m pretty good at finessing my frizz by either incorporating it into my style or hiding it completely.

My first tip is to leave it the fuck alone sometimes. I know it’s tempting to wear braids, twists, bantu knots and manipulate the fuck out of it, but your hair is delicate so loads of tightening and styling leads to breakage.. and breakage is the enemy. A lot of people believe black hair doesn’t grow very long, but it’s a myth, the only reason some people struggle to grow their hair is because it breaks off at the ends due to loads of extra styling. So leave it alone and throw it in a bun later on in the week, your ends will thank you in the long run.

I like to oil my scalp throughout the week, I’m not sure if it even adds to growth but it helps my dusty dandruff ridden scalp. I use a mixture of 2/3 Jojoba Oil, 1/3 Jamaican Black Castor Oil and a few drops of tea tree oil. Again, I don’t know if it helps, but it’s worth noting.

I also swear by keeping your hair moisturised, don’t let it dry out during the week. Your hair needs water and help, so moisturise it and really pay attention to how it’s behaving! Use masks, deep conditioners and leave in conditioners. You won’t see results straight away but trust me you’ll thank me in the long run.

I know it’s tempting to use every product you see influencers use but stop it, just stop it. Use what works for you and maintain a good routine. Some products out there aren’t good, and even though something new is out and every curly haired woman is saying it’s their holy grail, what works for them might not work for you. I’m a big believer in staying in your own lane and tailoring your routine to your hair as everyones hair is different.

Drink water… just do it. I know whenever I’m dehydrated it shows in my hair, and skin, so just stop being thirsty and drink some water.

Back to things that can cause breakage – don’t brush your hair when it’s dry, your hair will break a lot and you’ll lose all of your progress that you’ve been working on.

Last but not least, chill a little bit. I never really made hair growth my goal and to be honest I don’t really care about it’s length a lot, I just want healthy hair and the length comes with it. Most of the year I have no idea how long my hair actually is, I just keep it nice, moisturised and free to do what it wants. So stop doing length checks, and allow it.

20 Things We're Not Bringing Into 2020 (356/365)

We’re keeping up the generic new years resolution theme to end this year of daily blogging because honestly I want to write about it, and it’s a lot easier than accessing my brain and trying to bring out the smarter side of it. It has switched off for the year and I’m not sure how to bring it back, so for now let’s discuss what kind of energy and behaviour we’re not going to bring into the new year.

  1. Justifying racism in any way shape or form.
  2. Not taking our mental health seriously.
  3. Going to bed in a face full of makeup.
  4. Not sharing our best makeup and skin care tips – I’M LOOKING AT YOU MEN WITH FLAWLESS SKIN, YOU DON’T EVEN DESERVE IT.
  5. Uneccessary pettiness, look if I don’t know why you’re being petty, it defeats the purpose of the act.
  6. Not helping each other grow as well developed humans.
  7. Black people hating on each other, this behaviour has always confused me and we need to stop doing it. We’re just making things worse for ourselves and honestly it’s embarasing.
  8. Beauty hair bloggers going natural for a few months and then going back to using relaxer for views – look, if you’re being genuine do whatever the fuck you want to your hair, but some people are honestly just doing this shit for views and it’s making it look difficult to maintain natural hair when it’s really not.
  9. Every stupid makeup trend, let’s just try to look amazing and do what we want. No more using cutlery, ashy foundation or anything that you’re doing for the clout. Makeup is supposed to be fun, have fun with it.
  10. Supporting bigots… put that shit in the bin and stop doing it.
  11. Expecting people of colour to be calm in our outrage, We’re sick of the racism and discrimination so we shouldn’t have to also be polite when people are literally dying.
  12. Looking down on people because of their music taste. Music is literally noise, put your pretentious thoughts in meat grinder please.
  13. Anyone who still argues against Trans rights… wtf is wrong with you, shut up. Don’t even bring religion into it because no religion advocates death, they advocate respecting one another and not fucking killing people. (I swear if you use the word jihad I’ll slap you, jihad isn’t about senseless murder and greater jihad ISN’T EVEN VIOLENT).
  14. Assuming you’re the smartest person in the room, sorry you’re not and you have to accept that and move on.
  15. Letting people walk all over us, it’s time to walk all over them (or something nicer).
  16. Criticisng anyone for not being married or having children… allow them and let them live!
  17. Women hating on other women for existing… put that shit away. Other women aren’t a threat to your womanhood and if you honestly hold these beliefs you need to sort out your internalised hatred towards your own gender.
  18. Negative friends/influences. Time to do a clean out!
  19. Pretending to be someone you’re not – this is easier said than done, but it’s a lot more refreshing to be yourself, even if people hate you for it.
  20. Last but not least, let’s stop ignoring those people we care about. Check in on your friends, your family, and make sure they’re doing ok. The people who seem the strongest are probably holding in a lot of things, so try to reach out and help them.

10 Days Left To Go! My Personal Review Of 2019 (355/365)

Wow guys, we’re on the final 10 days of the year, have you managed to get your resolutions from the beginning of the year and assessed how your year has gone?

Personally I didn’t set many resolutions this year purely because my huge one was to write more, and that came about in the form of this blog and although it has been difficult I’m still doing it so that’s been a success at least.

I’ve always loved writing, even though I’m not really good at it. It’s weirdly therapeutic even when you’re not actually writing about what you’re feeling, but the simple act is somewhat cathartic, and as someone who didn’t really have any healthy outlets until now, the blog has helped out a lot. It hasn’t caused as much drama as I thought it would, and it has taught me a lot of things I didn’t know about myself – like the fact that pride can bring about great discipline.

Now that I’ve actually been running a daily blog I no longer have any excuses for being lazy or unmotivated, so I may have shot myself in the foot a little bit.

From what I remember I also wanted to spend the year being more emotionally happy and mentally healthy which.. to be perfectly honest I’m not sure if I succeeded. I know compared to this time last year I’m in a better place, but there’s still a lot of work to do on that front, but that’s sort of a life long thing either way so there’s no point trying to get there immediately since it’s not possible.

My own problem with setting personal resolutions is that I know what I’m like, if the goal isn’t possible I know it won’t happen. I know what I’m capable of and that sort of helps and hinders my progress.

This year has both gone fast and slow in my opinion, but that’s probably because I’ve also spent every day writing something so I’m hyper aware of how time has gone, to the point of knowing what day we’re on. I’ve enjoyed the year for the most part, I’m actually doing the creative projects I always said I’d try, I’ve spent less time using work as an excuse to not have fun, and more time just doing what I want.

I’ve tried to do other things and even moved out for a month, and you know what that month taught me many things, pick your living situations wisely, I’m not compatible with every single person and that I probably shouldn’t be so spontaneous with such a massive decision. It was a hectic month with more drama than I’m used to, but I guess you live and you learn. Now I can spread this knowledge to my siblings who will probably not listen.

This year has also just solidified that I’m truly grateful to have the friends and family that I do have in my life because they’re actual gems.

I wish I could write more about this years review but honestly, I don’t know if I have more to say except that life is a wild ride. 2019 will forever mark the year of writing, working many different jobs, starting creative projects and learning my own limits when it comes to human interaction.

How has your year gone?

Why I Don't Really Set New Years Resolutions (352/365)

I remember earlier in the decade whenever December would come around I would panic and realise that every resolution I had set had been ignored and I would feel a lot of shame. I didn’t drink more water, go to the gym, go to museums or read more and even though I never announced these thoughts, I felt embarrassed. Loads of Youtubers at the time would also speak about their resolutions, and although some would be in the same position as me, others would bask in their achievements, and although I was happy for them.. this added to me embarrassment.

I would always put so much pressure on myself and it never really did anything to add to my productivity until I realised why. Resolutions are like a wish list, things you hope to do without making any active plans on how to make them, so instead I switched my thinking and set goals for the year instead, with plans on how to achieve them. I’d also keep them to myself and they would be personal goals I would want to complete by the end of the year.

The beginning of this decade was a time of great change for me, I entered College and then University so I was dealing with a lot of major life decisions and many issues that teenagers tend to deal with. Amongst all of that crap I realised something… I needed to work on my own self esteem and self image as I was in the dark place 24/7 and this was something that would take a lot of personal work. I didn’t know a lot about mental health back then, but I knew that being as sad as I was wasn’t healthy, so I focused my yearly goals around that.

I wouldn’t say I’m in the perfect mental health head space right now, but spending a good few years focusing solely on my mental health and self image has helped a lot. I went from hating myself, having no self esteem and no self belief to actually believing in myself – which is a shocker. Looking back at how I was around 2010 – 2015, I really needed help, I didn’t even believe in my own intelligence.

Back to the topic at hand..

So whenever the new year would come around I would focus on a few personal goals that I needed to achieve and make plans on how to do them. I find that the resolution mentality never has a roadmap as you say things you want to do, and then hope you’ll suddenly do them. With goals, because of the implication of the word, you kind of have to make a plan alongside it and believe me when I say it helps a lot.

So, as the new year is coming round try to make plans around your resolutions and change your mindset. Instead of having a wish list, let’s spend 2020 achieving all of our goals!

My Twenties Are My Lost Childhood (349/365)

It must be because I’m the oldest girl in an immigrant household, but I didn’t really have a childhood in the sense of bliss, innocence and freedom. I was, like most girls in my situation made to clean and babysit, I was responsible for everyone if my mother went out or wasn’t feeling well. I was essentially the second mother to everyone and I didn’t really get the oppurtunity to be stupid, make mistakes and not be responsible for anyone.

Despite the fact that I do still have responsibilities and even more as I’m working and navigating adult life, I really have taken the oppurtunitiy to live the life I wasn’t able to when I was younger, and it doesn’t always end well. Sometimes I go a bit too crazy and wild, but at the same time I feel like women in my situation should be allowed to go a little wild later on in life, especially when we don’t have a marriage or children to think about. We’re not bringing shame to anyone, and we’re not having to revise for any important exams. We have our own money, freedom of time and movement, and basically a whole world out there to explore.

This post isn’t really going to be a long one, it’s more of a ramble as I don’t have a lot of time to write todays post and I’m facing the consequences of crashing my friends works Christmas party last night. If I wasn’t worried about my family reading this post, I could tell that story, but alas, I can not so I’ll just tease it instead. It was an interesting night and honestly I’m still piecing it together, but it’s also because of that night that I realised that I really am just taking life for what it is and not letting any archaic rules or cultural expectations dictate what I do in my free time.

So for everyone who wasn’t allowed to be a child when you were one, live it now. Just do it, I know it’s not easy and not everyone will understand but it’s honestly good for your soul and your mental health in the long run!

Sometimes Self Care Days Are Just Lazy Days (348/365)

As you might be able to tell the General Election results kind of hit me hard, it’s not like I expected Labour to win, I just didn’t expect the Conservatives to win by so much… I speak about racism a lot on this blog so I’m no stranger to the fact that it’s alive and well… I just forgot that 90% of the UK really hate us. Sometimes we forget, we go days without any incidents, surround ourselves with likeminded people and some of us are also lucky enough to find white people who understand our thoughts and opinions. So it’s easy to forget that everyone else isn’t like that.

This post isn’t about that though, it’s about the much needed self care days I’m taking as a result of it. Self care, as I’ve said can be practice in many different ways, sometimes it’s consists of a massive clear out and cleaning sessions, other times they’re spa days. Sometimes I even take time to assess my emotions and mental health, but right now I’m being lazy. I’m watching videos on Youtube that make me happy and honestly spending time to binge on anime because I need the escapism.

I’ve ranted a lot on social media as well about my thoughts despite wanting to hide in a cave for the next five years, I’ve come to terms that I’m probably going to have to get actively political, so before doing that I’m going to be lazy… as lazy as I can be. Maybe take a walk and really take the time to exist in a vacuum.

I feel like escapism is always seen as a negative, a way of running away from your troubles, but sometimes you need it. We can’t spend every waking moment thinking about our sadness, and running away from it for a little bit is theraputic in a way. It’s not like I’m ignoring everything, I’m just processing it slowly because any other method right now would be unhealthy.

So this is my post, just letting you know that lazy days are also a valid method of self care. Am I a professional? – no, but if it helps, it helps and you don’t always have to be the most productive human in the world for your feelings and ways of processing emotions to have value. At the end of the day everyone is different, and some of us do just need to metaphorically lie on the floor for a few days before being ready to face the world.

I’m glad I have the ability to work from home, and I booked the day after the election in advance, it’s almost like my soul was aware I’d need to be at home for it, so that helped a lot. Now to a weekend of being as lazy as I can be before I start cleaning everything in my sight – another method I use for self care because it helps.

Sometimes You Have To Accept You're Surrounded By Racists #GeneralElection (347/365)

Like many I woke up today gutted with the news that not only did the Conservatives win, but they won by a landslide. Many areas like Wales, Stoke and up North switched to voting Tory and not only was it shocking but it forced a lot of us to accept that the silent majority hold certain values, and those values are not aligned with protecting the NHS, the homeless, the poor, the LGBT community and people of colour. They ‘want Brexit done’ and they want it so bad that they’ve elected an openly everything phobic man to be their leader.

Remember the time when Boris wasn’t PM and everyone laughed at him, we all knew what he was but we all thought he’d never rise to power because even the bigots we lived with laughed at him. Not only because of his appearance but because of what he stood for.

The man has lied, hid in a fridge, avoided a phone recording of the effects of austerity cuts on the NHS, he’s said horribly racist and islamophobic comments openly and was responsible for so many bad things… but I guess the Brexit opinion prevailed.

This is the country we live in, and despite social media being very pro-Labour, we forgot about everyone else. The silent majority, the middle class, the old white people, the poor white people, the changing opinions and how all of these groups truly hated Corbyn, not Labour but their leader. They couldn’t handle what he stood for, and in all honesty Britain has a horrible history of wanting to avoid the truth, and he was too left for them, because ultimately Labour doesn’t stand for the left, and their usual seats don’t vote for them for radical change, they vote through tradition. So when that tradition is threatened they went blue.

Now I guess a lot of us are going to be a bit sad and go in hiding. I know I certainly will when it comes to open conversation about it all, not due to fear, but due to pure anger.

I forgot that the majority of our country doesn’t care about us, and that was my bad, I need to throw away the idea that anything will change and probably prepare for it to get worse. We’re heading into American Trump territory and although we don’t have guns legalised here, the fact that the majorities openly racist thinking may now get legitimised through our PM means we now need to protect ourselves.

Prepare for whats coming folks, because it ain’t gonna be good or fun. It’s going to be awful, and everyones inner racist, sexist, xenophobe, homophobe and islamophobe is going to come out.

Stop Normalising The Idea That You Need To Be Overworked (345/365)

I honestly don’t know which capitalist normalised the idea of being overworked, stressed and depressed due to work, but we need to get rid of it and we need to do it ASAP. I’m only 26 and the amount of conversations I’ve had with friends and colleagues about how much unpaid overtime they do and how their stress is effecting their mental health and for what.. a job? I know we need a job to live and sustain ourselves but you shouldn’t be working yourself to death, and the fact that this is seen as normal really worries me.

Partly because it’s making employers expect us to do the most as a bare necessity, meaning that it’s more difficult to stand out as the expectation is being overworked. The other part that worries me is because it’s causing generations of overworked people who have poor mental health, working a job that they hate to make money to live. You spend more hours at work than you do awake at home, so if those hours are drenched in misery than sadness basically becomes the norm.

What kind of fucking world is that?

No wonder people yearn to be young again and look at their anxious youth with rose tinted glasses.

Let’s stop normalising this, not only is it really fucking with your physical and mental health, but it’s also making your life more miserable than it needs to be.

You rarely should be taking work home with you (emotionally), I know some jobs require this, but if you’re not working a job that does, then leave your thoughts and emotions at work.

You shouldn’t feel anxious or depressed when working.

You shouldn’t feel worked to the bone.

Your work shouldn’t be causing or increasing any health issues.

Life can be difficult, but it doesn’t need to be harder than it already is!

Don't Become Someones Backup Plan (344/365)

You know when it happens, when you get a call, a text or any conversation about an up and coming plan with someone you care about, you guys discuss it and make plans and then it happens. The news you didn’t want to hear or acknowledge… the only reason you were considered is because someone dropped out. Now, I know there are many innocent scenarios where this can happen and to be perfectly honest I’ve also done this to people, but there’s a difference between an occasional occurrence and a habit.

Usually it involves the other person being very upfront about their plans, and how someone dropped out, and in those cases it’s perfectly fine. It’s understandable and you can enjoy the plan, but when you’re a backup plan it’s very different. It’s being contacts about the event and many different plans every single time someone has cancelled on one specific person. It hurts a little bit more when you know you’ll only see them through their flakey friends consistent cancellations, as the only time you’re considered is when this happens.

You can tell this comes from a pretty personal place, and I have no need to really expand on it as I’m already unleashing my needy side. The thing is, sometimes we all want to be more than just a backup plan, and this need isn’t with everyone. Personally my emotional needs don’t extend past a few people in my life, but those people, I will unleash the beast on, in a very healthy(ish) conversation. Since being someones constant backup plan can hurt like a mother trucker and it’s not fair on you to be in that position.

The initial excitement of any plan made becomes tainted and it just leaves you feeling sad, and I am always a promoter of people communicating their feelings and emotions when it matters, whether I practice this as often as I preach it is highly debatable as the conversation is never easy to have, but it’s a necessity.

If this is a pattern after the conversation then just put your foot down. Don’t be someones back up plan, you always deserve better and more consideration. You wouldn’t let yourself be a side man/side chick without being aware, so why be a backup plan?