Tag: mental health

Why Do We Joke About The Office Creep? (364/365)

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This is actually a question as I don’t have an answer for this topic as it grosses me out to my inner core and I hate that I’ve witnessed how work culture allows pervesion and sexual harassment to become normalised and even joked about. If you’re not aware of what I’m talking about, let me explain it in more detail.

So in office culture there are many people out there, the quiet ones, the loud ones, the drunk ones and even the gossips, but the one I don’t understand is the creep. The creep is usually a guy from what I’ve noticed but he’s not always single (a fact that confuses me to no end). He’s never someone at an entry level position, and if you’re unfortunate sometimes he’s pretty high up. He’s known to spend more time perving on women than doing his job, he’ll look at your boobs before looking you directly in the eyes and he generally brings about an air of pure disgust.

He’ll go out with work colleagues and openly look at the newbies as prime prey and make his move on the prettiest ones, in some cases he’ll wait until they’ve had a lot to drink before going up to them and in most cases they’ll have no idea what kind of disgusting creep they’ve allowed to occupy their space. He’ll have previous instances with women in the office, and none of them will sound good to hear, he’ll use awful words to describe them and put them down whilst simultaneously looking for the next victim.

He’ll make comments about every girl, every single one.

There’s a reason he’s known as the office creep, it’s never a title handed out to an innocent falled solider. There’s always evidence and there’s always a line of people who want to hurt him for doing them wrong and yet no one actually does anything about him. It’s almost like they’re willing to allow someone who is known to sexually harass people because they’re too scared to hurt his feelings.

Most people who have been effected by him are usually in entry level roles and are too afraid to speak up, sadly HR isn’t always a department that actually do their job and in some cases they’ll also be friendly with the office creep.

I been around people gossiping about the creeps and what they’ve done, but not one of the people talking had any intention of doing anything about the guy(s) – they exchanged some awful stories as well.

So why do we allow this to become a part of working culture?

Why do we minimise the damaging effects of sexual harassment?

Why do those in power allow known creeps/predators rise to power and continue to work in their company?

This is honestly something that has confused me for a long fucking time and I’d like some answers.

Sometimes We Need Take A Break From Keeping Up With Politics (363/365)

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As much as I’d love to be informed about domestic and world politics every single day, sometimes I need to take a break. The break is to sort of decompress from all of the horrific news and honestly it’s also to keep my mental health in check because so many horrible things are happening every single day and being reminded of them, the social and political climate and seeing who rules each nations just takes a toll on my mind. Especially as someone who is from the many minority groups effected by all of the worlds disgustingness.

UK politics in particular has been something I’m taking a little break from viewing because it’s a reminder of the country I live in. A reminder that they’re all anti-immigration, racist, sexist and horrific. That reminder is something that makes it hard for me to leave the house and even speak to white people, so taking the break allows me to function in the world. I’ve said this to many of my friends and I’ll say it again, after the GE results I’m happy I booked the day to work from home, because the idea of being around white people would have broken me that day.

World politics tends to consist of every way the world is trying to kill muslims, and it’s fucking depressing. I want to help them but I don’t know how, awareness is great but awareness won’t stop them being tortured and killed. I can’t revolt because that won’t help positive change, and if anything it would give every Boris supporter proof that muslims are violent, and we don’t need that shit right now. So reading about everything, all of the horrible things is really fucking up my view on the world, so I’ve taken a break from everything.

It’s not going to be a long break, but it’s one that is needed.

I would urge any minority groups to not feel any shame if you also need to do the same because it’s fucking depressing and it’s the world we live in.

How To Identify Emotional Manipulation (362/365)

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When it comes to manipulation we tend to think about the more obvious kinds, the types that we know straight away are bad like physical or pschological. The thing is, most people practice the art of emotional manipulation every single day and many aren’t even aware of it, which is not only scary but also means that most of us are receiving some form of emotional manipulation or even abuse without even knowing it, or having the right language to describe what it is.

It took me a long time to be able to identify it and now it’s time to share some of my findings, alongside some things I read online because I don’t want to spread any misinformation about important topics.

  1. They make your pain or your experiences all about them.
  2. They open up too much very quickly, now opening up is great and a sign of a friendship being formed, but emotionally overloading you all the time is a bad sign.
  3. They’re always the victim.. always! To the point that your suffering is their suffering and will also become your fault.
  4. Tying in with point 3, they’re also always making themselves out to be martyrs..
  5. They use their sadness as a way to gain sympathy which then leads to a lot of selfish acts and dismissal over your own emotions.
  6. They’ll make you feel bad for voicing your own opinions. They’ll use everything from their mental health to their own personality ‘You know I’m an anxious person, why would you say that?’.
  7. They never take accountability over anything. You’ll never receive an apology and an acknowledgement of them doing anything wrong.
  8. They’ll one up you on everything, both positive and negative.
  9. They’ll criticise you and use your own insecurities against you.
  10. Guilt trips are their best friend and they’ll milk them for all they’re worth.
  11. They’ll also use ultimatums as a means of manipulating you.
  12. They’re super passive aggressive, to the point of using petty actions like the silent treatment and then using statements like ‘you should know why I’m angry’.

How We Police Our Culture And We Need To Stop This Shit (361/365)

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If I had a pound for every time my Black or Somali card got revoked I would be a multi-millionnaire.. ok maybe that’s an overreaction but it gets revoked on the daily. I gave up trying to practice my personality in a way that was complicit with the Black and Somali people around me years ago, but I know for a fact that this issue still plagues many of us and honestly we need to stop this. As Black people we’re already policing ourselves everytime we leave the house, we can’t seem too aggressive, wear hoodys without scaring old white people. We get followed, policed and generally treated different to our white counterparts – so why do we spend all of our extra energy also policing ourselves?

We fight against negative stereotypes but then hate on those around us who don’t act Black enough and honestly I’m tired. Actually, I was tired 13 years ago, when I noticed how different I was to the other girls in my mosque and had my first instance of not being Somali enough, which then translated into not being Black enough. Well my eloquent words towards this is – fuck it. Fuck it all.

So what if we haven’t seen every stoner film? – They’re fucking boring and some of us don’t live for weed.

So what if we haven’t listened to every rapper? Some of us like other kinds of music more!

So what if we are dating boys or girls who aren’t the same culture as us? It’s none of your damn business.

Stop trying to fit me into this tiny mold of what you think a Black or Somali girl should behave like! I remember when watching anime and reading manga was seen as unconventional for me.. It’s a major part of Black mens lives but for some reason women did not receive the same kind of love for watching it.

I already know I’ll never be Black enough for anyone around me, and honestly I hope anyone reading this who has been in the same boat finally gives out their last fuck about this situation – life gets a lot easier.

Life is hard enough without us also annoying each other about shit that does not matter. The colonisers already divided and conquered our fricken countries and continents, let’s not let them divide and conquer our lives!

Being Scared To Try New Things Can Be A Good Thing (358/365)

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Sometimes when you want to try new things you’re hit with a familiar feeling in your gut, the feeling of dred and fear and a lot of the time we interpret that as a bad thing when really it’s not. Sometimes fear means that it’s a new challenge and that you care.

If you didn’t care about the thing then you’d probably be as calm as a cucumber and not really give a shit about it. Which isn’t good because apathy is the enemy of progress.

Today’s post won’t be very long, it’s probably not even coherent as I’m writing it in a rush on my phone.

So about fear, I think the concept of fear is really not understood by a lot of us, especially in our modern age. Fear isn’t always about life or death situations, we get scared all the time over little things, over life decisions and honestly it’s a fairly healthy thing to feel from time to time.

So when it comes to major changes and life choices it makes sense to feel fear as your life is changing, it’s no longer familiar to you so you won’t know how to navigate it immediately. People who love to give pep talks always mention your comfort zone, well this would mark the end of that hence the baseline of fear.

Of course there’s a difference between a healthy amount of fear and an irrational and debilitating level of it, as long as you know the difference you’ll be fine!

20 Things We're Not Bringing Into 2020 (356/365)

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We’re keeping up the generic new years resolution theme to end this year of daily blogging because honestly I want to write about it, and it’s a lot easier than accessing my brain and trying to bring out the smarter side of it. It has switched off for the year and I’m not sure how to bring it back, so for now let’s discuss what kind of energy and behaviour we’re not going to bring into the new year.

  1. Justifying racism in any way shape or form.
  2. Not taking our mental health seriously.
  3. Going to bed in a face full of makeup.
  4. Not sharing our best makeup and skin care tips – I’M LOOKING AT YOU MEN WITH FLAWLESS SKIN, YOU DON’T EVEN DESERVE IT.
  5. Uneccessary pettiness, look if I don’t know why you’re being petty, it defeats the purpose of the act.
  6. Not helping each other grow as well developed humans.
  7. Black people hating on each other, this behaviour has always confused me and we need to stop doing it. We’re just making things worse for ourselves and honestly it’s embarasing.
  8. Beauty hair bloggers going natural for a few months and then going back to using relaxer for views – look, if you’re being genuine do whatever the fuck you want to your hair, but some people are honestly just doing this shit for views and it’s making it look difficult to maintain natural hair when it’s really not.
  9. Every stupid makeup trend, let’s just try to look amazing and do what we want. No more using cutlery, ashy foundation or anything that you’re doing for the clout. Makeup is supposed to be fun, have fun with it.
  10. Supporting bigots… put that shit in the bin and stop doing it.
  11. Expecting people of colour to be calm in our outrage, We’re sick of the racism and discrimination so we shouldn’t have to also be polite when people are literally dying.
  12. Looking down on people because of their music taste. Music is literally noise, put your pretentious thoughts in meat grinder please.
  13. Anyone who still argues against Trans rights… wtf is wrong with you, shut up. Don’t even bring religion into it because no religion advocates death, they advocate respecting one another and not fucking killing people. (I swear if you use the word jihad I’ll slap you, jihad isn’t about senseless murder and greater jihad ISN’T EVEN VIOLENT).
  14. Assuming you’re the smartest person in the room, sorry you’re not and you have to accept that and move on.
  15. Letting people walk all over us, it’s time to walk all over them (or something nicer).
  16. Criticisng anyone for not being married or having children… allow them and let them live!
  17. Women hating on other women for existing… put that shit away. Other women aren’t a threat to your womanhood and if you honestly hold these beliefs you need to sort out your internalised hatred towards your own gender.
  18. Negative friends/influences. Time to do a clean out!
  19. Pretending to be someone you’re not – this is easier said than done, but it’s a lot more refreshing to be yourself, even if people hate you for it.
  20. Last but not least, let’s stop ignoring those people we care about. Check in on your friends, your family, and make sure they’re doing ok. The people who seem the strongest are probably holding in a lot of things, so try to reach out and help them.

Sometimes Self Care Days Are Just Lazy Days (348/365)

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As you might be able to tell the General Election results kind of hit me hard, it’s not like I expected Labour to win, I just didn’t expect the Conservatives to win by so much… I speak about racism a lot on this blog so I’m no stranger to the fact that it’s alive and well… I just forgot that 90% of the UK really hate us. Sometimes we forget, we go days without any incidents, surround ourselves with likeminded people and some of us are also lucky enough to find white people who understand our thoughts and opinions. So it’s easy to forget that everyone else isn’t like that.

This post isn’t about that though, it’s about the much needed self care days I’m taking as a result of it. Self care, as I’ve said can be practice in many different ways, sometimes it’s consists of a massive clear out and cleaning sessions, other times they’re spa days. Sometimes I even take time to assess my emotions and mental health, but right now I’m being lazy. I’m watching videos on Youtube that make me happy and honestly spending time to binge on anime because I need the escapism.

I’ve ranted a lot on social media as well about my thoughts despite wanting to hide in a cave for the next five years, I’ve come to terms that I’m probably going to have to get actively political, so before doing that I’m going to be lazy… as lazy as I can be. Maybe take a walk and really take the time to exist in a vacuum.

I feel like escapism is always seen as a negative, a way of running away from your troubles, but sometimes you need it. We can’t spend every waking moment thinking about our sadness, and running away from it for a little bit is theraputic in a way. It’s not like I’m ignoring everything, I’m just processing it slowly because any other method right now would be unhealthy.

So this is my post, just letting you know that lazy days are also a valid method of self care. Am I a professional? – no, but if it helps, it helps and you don’t always have to be the most productive human in the world for your feelings and ways of processing emotions to have value. At the end of the day everyone is different, and some of us do just need to metaphorically lie on the floor for a few days before being ready to face the world.

I’m glad I have the ability to work from home, and I booked the day after the election in advance, it’s almost like my soul was aware I’d need to be at home for it, so that helped a lot. Now to a weekend of being as lazy as I can be before I start cleaning everything in my sight – another method I use for self care because it helps.

Sometimes You Have To Accept You're Surrounded By Racists #GeneralElection (347/365)

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Like many I woke up today gutted with the news that not only did the Conservatives win, but they won by a landslide. Many areas like Wales, Stoke and up North switched to voting Tory and not only was it shocking but it forced a lot of us to accept that the silent majority hold certain values, and those values are not aligned with protecting the NHS, the homeless, the poor, the LGBT community and people of colour. They ‘want Brexit done’ and they want it so bad that they’ve elected an openly everything phobic man to be their leader.

Remember the time when Boris wasn’t PM and everyone laughed at him, we all knew what he was but we all thought he’d never rise to power because even the bigots we lived with laughed at him. Not only because of his appearance but because of what he stood for.

The man has lied, hid in a fridge, avoided a phone recording of the effects of austerity cuts on the NHS, he’s said horribly racist and islamophobic comments openly and was responsible for so many bad things… but I guess the Brexit opinion prevailed.

This is the country we live in, and despite social media being very pro-Labour, we forgot about everyone else. The silent majority, the middle class, the old white people, the poor white people, the changing opinions and how all of these groups truly hated Corbyn, not Labour but their leader. They couldn’t handle what he stood for, and in all honesty Britain has a horrible history of wanting to avoid the truth, and he was too left for them, because ultimately Labour doesn’t stand for the left, and their usual seats don’t vote for them for radical change, they vote through tradition. So when that tradition is threatened they went blue.

Now I guess a lot of us are going to be a bit sad and go in hiding. I know I certainly will when it comes to open conversation about it all, not due to fear, but due to pure anger.

I forgot that the majority of our country doesn’t care about us, and that was my bad, I need to throw away the idea that anything will change and probably prepare for it to get worse. We’re heading into American Trump territory and although we don’t have guns legalised here, the fact that the majorities openly racist thinking may now get legitimised through our PM means we now need to protect ourselves.

Prepare for whats coming folks, because it ain’t gonna be good or fun. It’s going to be awful, and everyones inner racist, sexist, xenophobe, homophobe and islamophobe is going to come out.

Female Friendships Are So Important (346/365)

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Sorry boys this post isn’t for you, so try not to feel too left out.

Female friendships are so bloody important in our day to day lives, both the media and many women out there really underestimate the importance of having other women in your life. It’s not even about empowerment, but about the special bond and having someone who gets you. Someone who has your back but also understands feminine struggles, let’s not even talk about periods, we all need someone who will tell us when we have lipstick on our teeth. Someone to let us know if we smell. Someone to fix our hair and keep us in check – women are honestly amazing and I really urge you to value you female friends.

I know a lot of us fell under the curse of feeling like male friendships had more value and even uttered the words ‘I just get along more with boys, they’re less drama’ – the cursed phrase.. which is a lie. Yes your male friendships are also important, but that internalised misogyny that promotes males over women by using tired outdated stereotypes are not ok and they’re also just causing you to miss out on a special bond.

Yes, some women are awful, and some men are awful. I’m not saying everyone is amazing and rainbows shoot out of their ass, I’m saying that if you find a good group of women, who aren’t assholes, you won’t regret the bond.

Sometimes I also want women around me just so I can complain about my period, and whine about the pain, the mess and just have a good moan. I do also have men that (unwillingly) deal with me talking about this topic, but they just will never get it and it’s upsetting.

So this is just a ramble to let you know, women out there, please value your friendships, especially your female friendships.

Stop Normalising The Idea That You Need To Be Overworked (345/365)

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I honestly don’t know which capitalist normalised the idea of being overworked, stressed and depressed due to work, but we need to get rid of it and we need to do it ASAP. I’m only 26 and the amount of conversations I’ve had with friends and colleagues about how much unpaid overtime they do and how their stress is effecting their mental health and for what.. a job? I know we need a job to live and sustain ourselves but you shouldn’t be working yourself to death, and the fact that this is seen as normal really worries me.

Partly because it’s making employers expect us to do the most as a bare necessity, meaning that it’s more difficult to stand out as the expectation is being overworked. The other part that worries me is because it’s causing generations of overworked people who have poor mental health, working a job that they hate to make money to live. You spend more hours at work than you do awake at home, so if those hours are drenched in misery than sadness basically becomes the norm.

What kind of fucking world is that?

No wonder people yearn to be young again and look at their anxious youth with rose tinted glasses.

Let’s stop normalising this, not only is it really fucking with your physical and mental health, but it’s also making your life more miserable than it needs to be.

You rarely should be taking work home with you (emotionally), I know some jobs require this, but if you’re not working a job that does, then leave your thoughts and emotions at work.

You shouldn’t feel anxious or depressed when working.

You shouldn’t feel worked to the bone.

Your work shouldn’t be causing or increasing any health issues.

Life can be difficult, but it doesn’t need to be harder than it already is!