You Need To Set Boundaries (343/365)

We learn a lot of things growing up, how to walk, talk, do exams, make friends and so much more but the one thing that is never really emphasised is how to set boundaries. Boundaries are super important as there are so many instances that can make you feel uncomfortable and instead of just dealing with it, it’s vital that you learn the art of telling people not to do the thing.

It could be something as simple as hugging, not everyone enjoys being hugged, and sometimes you just need some personal space. Now, I can tell you first hand not everyone will respect this, and I’ve been guilty of this as a teenager (I regret it so much), but it’s important that you let someone know, use your words and really stand your ground.

I know first hand that in most cases, if I’m crying the worst thing (most) people can do is attempt any form of physical contact. Now, most people gain comfort from it, especially a simple gesture as holding someones hand when they’re sad, but I’m not that person. I have really bad knee jerk reaction to being touched when I’m upset as well and I know I need to work on it, but for the most part people in my life who would be in this situation are aware of it because I told them. It’s always weird to see someone you care about upset and you’re not able to do anything about it, but do you know what’s worse – touching them and causing them to scream.

That last point also happens a lot in general, I have a weird variation of ‘no go zones’ all across my body, and they’re not even normal ones. For the most part, people don’t tend to find them or notice it unless they witness my knee jerk screaming reaction first hand. Although it is funny to watch, that’s usually the moment I have to tell the person, usually a touchy feely person, to not do whatever they did to set me off. I’ve learnt that the akward conversation of telling them to politely never touch you, is better in the long run and involves a lot less screaming and running away on my side.

It might be awkward to set the boundaries but it’s also super important. Not everyone is going to know that they’re invading your personal space, or your personal boundaries and we can’t expect everyone to be psychic so let them know, have a productive conversation and honestly it’ll help you our a lot in the future.

Even though I used some of my own personal examples, there are loads of different ways of setting boundaries and it’s different for everyone. Sometimes it can be something as simple as telling someone no, and not being mentally or emotionally avalilable 24/7, or in the extreme of telling someone to stay away from you.

It’s not always as easy to have the talks, but it’s worth it most of the time.

What Being a Procrastinator Taught Me (309/365)

You might have guessed it from the title but I was a huge procrastinator as a young student. I did everything last minute and lived life on the edge, I would wait until the day before or the morning of an exam to actually revise, and sometimes it worked out for me, other times it didn’t. I wouldn’t recommend that everyone try this method of work because not everyone can and honestly it’s more stressful than planning ahead and being prepared.

Although I say all of that, being a procrastinator for so long taught me many things and here they are!

I’ve seen this happen with a lot of people, they’ll have a busy day and need to get a few things done and as they run short of time the panic sets in…

“One hour isn’t enough time to do everything we need to do”

They’ll think, but in reality one hour is more than enough time in a lot of cases, you just have to plan your time around it. The best way to do that is to break down the mighty task ahead, once you have broken it down into smaller tasks, look at how long each bit actually takes, and you’ll see that you have more time than you think.

I feel like it’s easy to get overwhelmed by big tasks, so always break them up into bitesize chunks – it makes life a lot easier.

I remember in my first year of university, I was really bad when it came to assignments and exams. I would start reading and writing essays the night before they were due, and revise for exams the morning of that exam. It was ridiculous, I’m surprised I didn’t fail anything, but I guess one saving grace was I knew how to cram at that point.

One exam was based on an actual book, a book that I didn’t read, nor did I have any interest in reading. Thankfully my friend hooked me up with a summary of it, and I read that the night before the exam, I knew I could because at that point I was pretty nocturnal and wouldn’t sleep either way.

Another thing procrastinating taught me was awareness of what I can and can’t do. The way my brain digests information is weird, but also made for cramming and I knew exactly how to do it. However some people need days to process information and actual plans, so for those people – DON’T PROCRASTINATE.

Just don’t do it, because it will bite you in the ass.

I guess the final and most important thing procrastinating taught me was about how I am as a person in terms of processing information and working under stressful conditions. I found that if there was no stress, I wouldn’t have the drive to actually work, so a little bit of pressure was always needed.

This Blog Is Reminding Me That This Year Has Flown By (308/365)

It was only yesterday that we were all feeling that ‘new year buzz’ and wrote down loads of resolutions that we’d probably fail, or achieve if you planned it properly. Writing a blog post everyday and having the numbers in the title really has highlighted that we’re in the last bit of 2019, less that 60 days to go now and what have you made of it? I kid, no pressure, we shouldn’t really use the year as a measure of achievement, what you really should be doing is focusing your goals on your own time.

Despite using the year as a measure and a target for this blog, I am against people only trying to make new decisions and life choices at the beginning of the year. We shouldn’t really put off achieving our big/small goals and should really put in the steps to get them done wherever we can, but I do understand that we are also mere mortals and do succumb to bouts of laziness from time to time.

The problem with using the year as the standard matrix is that if we have things we want to do in the later months, we’ll be more likely to put them off and then forget to do it. Which is why you should really just do what you want to do, or take the steps, as soon as possible.

So back to the actual title, the year has gone quick – yeh let’s use the cliche. We never really appreciate how fast the months go by and we always assume we have time in the year to do everything, I’ve not really had a quantifiable way of being aware of the year in a while, when you work a day job it’s easy to let the times merge together and you’re sort of in this bubble of not even knowing the date, let alone day of the week.

It’s been nice getting to this point of the daily blog project though, I didn’t think I would reach this point of the year and honestly it’s a great achievement, this post is just a little filler and a bit of a ramble since I haven’t really written anything like this in a few weeks. I do like writing streams of consciousness because there’s no pressure for it to be an amazing blog post, or to meet anyones standards.

It’s easy, breezy nonsense, and gives any readers a weird look into how my brain works. 🙂

F*ck Everyones Expectations (306/365)

Anyone relate to being told that they should grow up to become a doctor or a lawyer and get married and have children and then reaching the age where you’re making these decisions and not wanting to do any of them. I’m aware I’m quite lucky that my parents (whether they want to or not) sort of give me the freedom to make my own choices, they’re not pressuring me to get married or anything, but I know deep down they wished I did when I was a little bit younger.

I’ve also watched a lot of my dear friends face aggressive pressure from their parents to get married, almost as if picking their life partner was a life goal that needs to be acheived, and when they expressed not wanting to do this, they’d be faced with a lot of emotional blackmail and guilt tripping which is honestly very fucked up when you actually look at it. Your life should be about you and not anyone else – but sadly not everyone has the privelege to live like that.

Not everyone can run away, move out or do anything for themselves without massive ramifications, so I’m going to try to tread lightly with this post as I know that despite the fact that my family do need me, they don’t pressure me about my life acheivements and despite me saying I’m going to tread lightly, I still have one major point to stress and it’s in the title.

Fuck their expectations of you.

I know it isn’t always easy and sometimes it’s going to cause a battle, arguments and a lot of emotional blackmail, but sometimes if you really want to do what you want to do, you’re going to have to fight the good fight, and if it’s difficult – plan the good fight.

Not all of us can walk up to those pressuring us and say our feelings so sometimes you have to finesse it, manipulate them, get them when they’re in a good mood, and really cultivate a good plan because some people live in situations that can get violent, aggressive and some could even get kicked out and I never want to give advice that would fuck you over in the long run.

So make a plan thats catered to your situation, find out how far you’re willing to go and don’t listen to anyone who won’t take your situation into account. If they’re living a life where they can do what they want and think everyone can do the same, then they’re not going to give you any advice that’s worth taking.

A simple ‘fuck it’ mentality helps though, it’s something I started doing over a decade ago and honestly it helps. Sometimes I just think ‘what’s the worst thing that could happen’, assess my options and if it’s something I can live with, will then think ‘fuck it’ and do the thing anyways.

I know that doesn’t really go with the stereotype of that mentality as it usually doesn’t require a lot of thought, but remember that point I made about some of us not having the privelege to do whatever we want – well that’s why I make my assessments. I’ll admit, there have been a lot of times I’ve forgotten to do it, and sometimes it works, other times it doesn’t, but it is what it is and I can’t spend forever crying about it – lifes too short for that shit.

Once you sort of get to the place of no longer caring about everyones expectations of you though, it’s like a weight has been lifted, apologies for the cliche but it honestly is. You’re suddenly able to see things through a different lens and live a life that you want to live or at least try to. Once you finally let it all go, you’re able to focus more on yourself and not everyone else.

So fuck everyones expectations of you.

If you want to pursue a career in law, art, writing, whatever go fucking do it.

If you want to be a house wife/husband – go for it.

If you want to get married and have loads of children have fun, just make sure you have the money and mental health for it.

If you don’t want to get married – go for it, and ignore everyones judgements!

Live a life focused on what YOU want to do, and have fun doing it, life’s too short for caring about everyones expectations, it takes a while to fully get rid of it, but it’s something thats definitely worth doing!

Always Trust Your Gut (301/365)

You ever get a weird feeling in the pit of your stomach when you meet someone, it’s not the kind that would make you hate them or loathe their existence, but something that screams ‘somethings’s wrong’. When you have that feeling you have a choice to make:

  • Trust your instincts and get away from this person
  • Ignore it and risk it for a biscuit

I can safely say from experience that bad things happen when you pick option two. It’s not even always about people, sometimes it’s about the choices you make and honestly your gut instinct is something purely primal that is out here to protect you. I don’t care how illogical the notion is, in my 26 years of living it has been 100% correct every single time and when I go against it I always end up in a dumb situation.

Even choices like choosing to live with someone, if your gut instinct tells you somethings off, then you’re better off not doing it. This happened to me recently, and I obviously went against it because I’m a dumbass, and it had nothing to do with my flatmate at the time, but everything to do with the living situation, it crashed and burned so fast i didn’t even have time to process it.

Always trust your gut instinct when it decides to notify you, because honestly it’ll make your life a lot easier. It doesn’t always holla, but when it does it means your primal instincts are trying to save you from making a stupid decision.

Friendly Self Care Check-in Reminders (278/365)

Hello everyone, by now you might have gathered that I write a lot about self care – the importance of it, how I practice it and generally just why it’s so important. Life can get busy and really hectic and becuase this week has been busy with a new job and it’s my best friends birthday, I’m just writing a post to remind everyone to check in on your mental health.

It’s super important and honestly my top adulting tip would be to never skip on your mental health and really incorporate self care into your everyday life.

Here’s a few questions I ask myself during the ‘check-in’ stage (usually focusing on the whole month or week depending on how I’m feeling):

  1. How are you feeling in general? (This is more to see if I’m actually feeling anything, if I feel numb I usually go straight into self care mode and ignore everything else)
  2. What was your greatest acheivement?
  3. Are you making time for yourself?
  4. Is anything upsetting you?
  5. Are there any personal goals you need to hit?
  6. When was the last time you pampered yourself?
  7. Are you feeling more run down then usual?

What you use to check-in can vary between person to person, but as long as you’re making sure that your mental health is being focused on, then you’re doing great! 🙂

How To Deal With Rejection When You Apply For Jobs (273/365)

Job hunting is the time where a lot of us understand the pain that comes with rejection. You get formal emails telling you that you’re not being considered, you get ignored/ghosted and it’s honestly one of the most emotionally exhausting things you can do. I remember when I first graduated from university and started applying for work – the level of rejection I received was horrific.

You’re essentially putting yourself out there and hoping that something sticks and that’s something that can make someone never want to leave their house ever again. Sure you can go through a recruiter, an agency and get your CV professionally created – but you’ll still receive rejection!

So here are some top tips to help you deal with it and push through because honestly, I understand how tough it is.

Think of it all as a numbers game

It’s easier to detach from the emotional aspect of rejection if you take it all as a numbers game. Especially if you see every rejection as a step closer to your success, because sometimes it can be brutal – but that’s the best time to detach.

It’s not the end of the world if you didn’t get the job

There are always other jobs, even though it won’t always feel like that.

Check in on your mental health when applying for loads of jobs as it can put a toll on you

When you’re being told ‘No’ constantly it can take a toll and sometimes add to a feeling of worthlessness and that’s the best time to take a self care day or a break from everything.

Try to not hold grudges against companies that haven’t given you a response/have rejected you

I know it’s hard to not feel personally attacked by a company that didn’t want you, but it’s best in the long run if you don’t hold a grudge and even better if you try to forget all about it.

Remember that you’re not the only person applying and thats ok

There are loads of other people in your exact situation trying to apply and fight for the role, which may seem daunting but personally it kind of helps because it means that you’re not existing in this sea of job hunting in a vacuum. You’re not alone!

You can sometimes ask for feedback when receiving rejection so that could help

Always ask for feedback, it will help loads in the long run 🙂

Try to stay positive!

This one might seem patronising as hell but honestly, try to stay positive about it all, you will find a job!

It’s Ok To Fail! (269/365)

The way our society and culture has manifested has riddled many people with a fundamental fear of failiure. The fear is so crippling that people are scared to actually try things that they may love or lead to their career of their dreams and honestly it’s something that’s difficult to get rid of because it’s rooted so deep within our psyche.

We’re scared of failing and the ramifications of doing so.

We’re afraid of people seeing us at our lowest.

We’re afraid of people laughing at us.

We’re scared.

It’s like a societal anxiety epidemic, and maybe social media is to blame since we can see everyone around us succeeding but no one is telling their story. We only see the positives but we don’t see the struggles behind it. So naively some assume that you can get to certain positions without the trial, error and failure.

Maybe it’s also because deep down inside we don’t want to let people down, so the easiest way to do that is to never put yourself in a position which would allow that – but that thinking is wrong.

Sometimes you have to fail at something, because as cheesey as it sounds – you learn something with every failiure. You do actually get stronger through experience and those cringey positivity posts are actually telling you the truth (I know, that was hard to admit).

It’s ok to fail, it’s ok to not be the best at something straight away, it’s ok to not be perfect.

It’s difficult I know, but sometimes you have to go through a lot of failiures before you reach your goals, and that’s fucking difficult.

Sometimes You Need To Break Up With Your Friends (165/365)

Friendships are one of those things that kind of take the sideline when it comes to the major relationships in your life. Maybe it’s because of movies showing romantic love as the ultimate relationship to cherish, or just the fact that we don’t really talk about it much as a society, but the friends you have in your life are an important relationship. Just because it’s platonic, that doesn’t mean it’s any less important.

We joke, and say friendships are like romantic relationships a lot as well, and it might be because of the fact that it’s said as a joke – but it really is. Friendships have ups, and downs, and a lot of the times arguments and disagreements happen as well. It’s how you deal with it that’s important – but this post isn’t about that. It’s about the times when you need to breakup with your friends. Yes, you read that right – a breakup.

It’s sad to say that I have a bit of experience in this, and it’s never really fun. Especially when you make the realisation that the friend you have is hurting your life, whether it’s negatively impacting your mental health, generally being toxic or just plain abusive. Those traits aren’t exclusive to those in a romantic relationship, and it’s important to take your friendships into consideration. I won’t say names, or even give enough information for people who have known me for years to guess who the person I’m about to talk about is, but I have had a toxic friendship and breaking up was fucking difficult.

It might be because we’d known each other for years, and I knew a lot about their life, their pain, dreams, life aspirations – literally years of knowledge. But they were toxic, I sometimes describe the person as a dementor purely because time with them was soul sucking. Pure negativity, dismissing my words and essentially using me as a venting tool but never giving the same energy. It got to the point where we’d stopped talking and reconnecting so many signs it was a yearly cycle – I blame it on not having a lot of childhood friends since I moved a lot as a child, so I cling to people, and sometimes it’s not worth it.

So we went through the cycle for a long time, it was embarassing, until I finally realised what was happening, and needed to end it. It was tough, and honestly I wouldn’t recommend anyone take this action lightly – cutting someone off is difficult when you actually care about them. The caring also doesn’t switch off which is just plain annoying at times.

So why tell this tale? What’s the point? Well for one, it’s to let people know that toxic friendships exist, and that sometimes you need to cut them out. Cold turkey, no remorse, just get rid of them.

As much as talking can help a situation, it’s about knowing and gaging when communication is effective. Sometimes talkings great, it works and everyone is able to work on their issues. Other times talking about the situation can lead to guilt tripping and emotional blackmail. So it’s ok to break up with your friends, and honestly sometimes you need to.

I feel like we’re sort of told to keep the peace no matter the cost, but when the cost is your life, your sanity and your wellbeing – you need to get rid of the person.

We Need to Scrap Unpaid Writing Internships! (132/365)

I’ve been there, fresh out of University and ready to live my dreams as a writer. I jumped online and searched for every single writing job available and saw that a lot of them required 2 years experience, plus some even wanted additional sales experience – so I knew I was a little bit screwed. The I saw an oppurtunity as a writer for a magazine, and in the AD it said that after 3 months you have a chance to get paid. So I thought I was now sorted, I’d work hard and live my dreams. I was soo naive.

I started this internship with a lot of drive, and ignored all the obvious red flags (please see my blog post on this magazine). They asked for a lot, and I was ready to prove to them that I was adaptable and a fast worker. Once three months passed, I started to notice that no one on this magazine except the editors were making any form of money from this, and even one of the editors was getting paid part-time minimum wage. I don’t know why I stayed there for so long, but some part of me truly thought that this would be a good oppurtunity.

I didn’t only write for this place, I also conducted interviews, did a talk at a BBC event and even was on the red carpet event for them. It got to the point where I was also part of a podcast for them, and still there was no oppurtunty for making money. They saw us as slaves essentially, and asked for more and more, but wouldn’t give us anything. I also wrote for several other magazines and ended up in the same situation, lots of work, but no pay.

It’s actually gross how common this is as well, I’ve met so many people who have been in the same situation and it’s just modern day slave labour. Magazines are taking advantage of young people’s dreams to be a writer/journalist and instead of giving us the chance to progress they just rinse us and use us for everything that we have, once we’re sucked dry they find new victims and the cycle continues.

We need to honestly do more for people, and speak out against this ridiculouslness. I understand that running a magazine is difficult and its hard to get the funding – but this culture of not paying your workers is truly disgusting. We live in a capitalist society and we’re not all from rich families, so a lot of us can’t afford to do this shit.